NC Fathers

North Carolina Fathers

NC Fathers RightsNC Fathers is a blog maintained by an ever growing group of fathers in North Carolina, as well as many paternal family members (paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, paternal aunts and uncles, and other women in these families), who are working to reform the NC Courts, politicians, and educate others on issues related to NC Child Support Enforcement and Child Custody in NC.

How do we unite all Non-Custodial Families? We think what happens many times here is that non-custodial mothers hate this page because of custodial fathers, and non-custodial fathers hate this page because of custodial mothers. Folks, our organization does not advocate for ANY system that maintains the custodial and non-custodial roles. We are not advocating for custodial fathers or mothers. Our belief is that system pits parents against each other and encourages fighting (to win) for 18 years which only hurts children. We think that there needs to be two systems, one where shared parenting is the norm and first thought of Judges. ONLY after one parent either REFUSES to follow shared parenting or is found unfit via EVIDENCE (not accusations) then move to the custodial vs non-custodial roles until the unfit parent resolves his/her issues and then move back to equally shared parenting. Our appeal to you is stop focusing on what the non-custodial/custodial parent has done and focus on the system that is in place to KEEP you fighting to make THEM rich and receive federal money. Additionally, we are tired of being held accountable for domestic violence policies in the state when women are committing violence and neglect and they get custody.

NC Fathers is not a place for non-custodial fathers who make the conscious decision to NOT be active and involved their children’s lives, and who do not pay child support.

NC Fathers IS a place for fathers who desire to be in their children’s lives and are denied by the NC Courts, legislators, and other special interest groups.

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Child Support in NC - NC Fathers


North Carolina

Roughly half of custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand then? With Equally Shared Parenting?

Fathers and Families

Please take a moment to view this video and support the mega rock band Blue October who is on a 47 city tour to support equal and shared parenting access for fathers and females in the paternal family who are systematically alienated from their children by NC Legislators and the NC Family Courts. More on this initiative HERE.

special interest groups

Are YOU ANGRY knowing that your Child Support is helping Welfare Recipients and Low Income Assistance have a more fulfilled relationship with their children on the back of you being alienated from your children?

Are you familiar with the work of award winning film director Janks Morton and his new GUPI FILM?

This is the new frontier in the family courts as it relates to shared parenting for non-custodial families. The NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence is using their considerable lobbying efforts and money to say that if shared parenting is realized, it will lead to more Domestic Violence. This confuses us though, because more Domestic Violence means greater fund raising efforts and state money that goes into their pockets. But that aside, the real problem is that it is going to mean greater accusations of violence to avoid shared parenting. This video below demonstrates just how easy it is to do.

Reproductive Rights

Our group of bloggers believes that there are many reasons why NC Fathers do not get to see there children equally. These include Lawyers who get rich from parents paying retainers for 18 years, the State of NC making money via the federal child support enforcement legislation, feminist groups that are highly effective at lobbying legislators, and the NC domestic violence coalition that works in tandem with feminist groups to make sure courts stay divisive in favor of mothers. With this in mind, we need your help. If you are a NC Father, paternal grandmother, step-mother, or some other relative of a child via paternity then we believe you have a story to tell and there is no better way to do that than through blogging. Be sure, as the search engines are saturated with our plight and concerns, and we get the message out via social networking sites and other NC related blogs, then legislators and others will take notice. The only way Fathers in NC are going to get an equal ground in the NC Family Courts is if we force legislation and saturate our local communities with information related to what the paternal side of a family goes through in regards to custody and child support.

NC County Court

Again, we need several NC citizens who have first hand knowledge of the problems men face in the NC Courts, who love to write, and who have a passion for changing his/her situation.

Children need their NC Fathers

We believe that NC Children have a desire to be raised, parented, and nurtured by their fathers just as they do their mothers. We do not believe that children see us as “non-custodial” and “visitor”. We do not believe that children love their mothers more because they carried them in the womb for 9 months. Additionally, we believe that children have a equal biological and instinctive bond with their fathers as they do with their mothers.

Help Support NC Carolina Fathers, Fathers Rights in general, and those in the Paternal Family.

County

This is why we find it particularly disgusting that legislators, judges, and special interest groups put politics and money before our children.

Again, we need for NC Judges, legislators, special interest groups and others to see that the paternal side of child custody and child support is equally strong in regards to voters. They cannot deny the numbers of fathers, paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, aunts and uncles, and even now adults who recognized that their fathers probably wanted to be with them as children but were denied.

NC Fathers

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92 Comments »

  1. I appreciate the cause you are supporting to help FATHERS who want to parent their children and are “excused” from this wonderful experience because of divorce.

    There are two or more sides to this nightmare of divorce and the innocent victims, the children. As much as your cause is worthy. My cause is too.

    I am one of the custodial mothers that has seen the side of the court that has allowed a deadbeat dad to continue to be non-supportive in every manner… and he (the deadbeat dad) gets away with not paying ANY child support. He was abusive, there was domestic violence and kidnapping — the horror that I lived through still haunts me and my children. Plus we struggle financially because he would rather be homeless than to support his children. He lost his privilege to see his children when he assaulted me in front of our 5 year child.

    I would like to see legislation that would consider deadbeat parents (male or female) that refuse to support their minor children … DEAD. That way, the custodial parent who is living off various assistance programs would receive the FUTURE Social Security benefits of the “Deadbeat” parent and get off the programs. Note: I am not on any assistance. I work two jobs and am very angry that the courts allow deadbeats to not support their own children.

    Comment by Janice Ward | October 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Janie,
      Thank you for commenting AND doing so in a constructive manner. We get so many that are ugly. Trust us, we realize there are many sides to this issue. We also realize there are fathers that simply refuse to be fathers, financially support, see their kids, and are antagonistic to the process. However, our issue is that everyone should start out as equals and with equal access, then deal with problematic parents. As it stands now, typically good fathers are lumped in with the problematic fathers and get the same access.

      I would also like to point out that there are just as many women to hit, manipulate the system, hurt kids, and kill them as men. In fact, recent domestic violence stats show that domestic violence occurs in men equally, it is just not reported. Also, stats in lesbian relationships just barely exceed those of male on female violence.

      As far as the term “Deadbeat” – calling people names and attempting to stigmatize them never meets any positive goal. I realize it is super politically correct to label men “Deadbeat” dads, but it does nothing positive. I’m sure you will recognize that there are women who abuse the medicaid system? Do you think you will ever find the term “Medicaid mom” on any state or government website? Certainly not.

      I also recognize your anger with your ex, but you have to remember that despite the problems with your husband, your child(ren) still love him and do not wish he was DEAD. They may be scared of the anger and issues, but biologically, they love him. Usually, with domestic violence, there is a underlying substance abuse or depression problem that can be corrected and the person go on to be a good father/mother or wife/husband. This can be said for women as well.

      Comment by ncfathers | October 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Janice, I just wanted to say that your posts clearly portray your hatred of your child’s Father. No matter what, your children need to come first in this situation. You are the custodial parent, and as such it is your duty to reconcile, nurture, and promote a healthy caring relationship to your daughter with her Father as opposed to driving him away and wanting him dead. Him being part of your child’s life is beneficial and necessary to her emotional well being. I find it disturbing that you only see his involvement in your daughters life as a privilege that can be taken away at your discretion. I don’t think your child would feel the same way.

      You might find that equal shared custody would remove all this animosity between you two, and certainly ease your burden by him supporting the child naturally and equally while in his care. By having equally shared custody you no longer need to worry about child support or being in arrears because the child is naturally supported while in his care. You are less angry because you have more free time and less worry. The Father would be less angry because he now can spend quality time with his child. The child is happy because she has quality time with both parents. It seems to be a win-win situation for everyone. So you see, perhaps our cause is your cause?

      Comment by Brad | January 9, 2012 | Reply

      • Brad, I just wanted to say that your post clearly portrays your indifference to Janice’s circumstances. There also seems to be an apparent bias and attitude that would typically be associated with someone who is abusive himself. Either that, or you’re woefully ignorant of the dynamics of an abusive relationship. It’s very typical for an abuser to shift blame to the victim, to try and make the victim equally culpable and turn things around in an attempt to transfer responsibility to the victim. Your assertion that children come first is correct, however, that point should be emphasized to the man who abused his wife in front of their child, not the woman who is concerned with protecting that child. You’re quite presumptuous in dictating what Janice’s duties are. As far as reconciling, nurturing and promoting a healthy relationship between the child and her father, the onus falls solely on the father. He is the reason that reparations need to be made; it’s a direct result of his abusive behavior that any problem exists. For you to accuse Janice of driving him away is ludicrous. Your insistence that an abusive father being part of his child’s life is beneficial and necessary to her emotional well being is incomprehensible. I find it disturbing that you reframe his involvement in his child’s life as a right when it is absolutely a privilege. Children are blessings, not possessions. Rights are forfeited when children are subjected to emotional abuse; an abuser is not a fit parent. Further, it’s the court that takes away the privilege of contact with a child, not the spouse. It’s done because no one gets to act as they please at the expense of others (especially children) without consequence. Abusers are quick to cry foul about their ‘rights’ being violated, which is frequently just a tactic that enables them to continue a pattern of control and punish the wife. The condescension in suggesting that equal custody would ‘remove all animosity’ is only exceeded by the idiocy of it. Only an abuser could spin reality in a way that characterizes the abuse of one person by another as animosity between the two. Minimizing abuse and defining it as a marriage problem where blame is shared is another go to tactic. I almost can’t even speak to the patronizing and downright stupid comment that Janice will be less angry because she has more free time. Seriously? If that comments weren’t so alarming it would just be laughable. The fact that you would try to justify the father being angry and suggest how he might be less so is disgusting. The father has no right to be angry! Janice does and until you’ve been on the receiving end of abuse you have no place to prescribe how someone should feel. Certainly you shouldn’t conclude that a child will be happy to spend time with an abusive parent when the likelihood that there’s quality time to be had is non-existent. What part of ‘horror’ and ‘haunted’ was unclear? It’s far more likely that her child lives in fear of the man he/she saw hurting his/her mother. Aside from reading a lot into her post, you misread her comment that included the word dead. She did not say that she literally wanted him dead. Your inclination to merely make certain points, ignore the wrongs committed by Janice’s abuser and commute all accountability to her is telling. In it I see that perhaps your cause is the abuser’s cause. Proposing that possibility on this website is probably fruitless though given the clear agenda (if this is even posted.) I submit it mostly in the hope that Janice will see it and know that not only is her cause worthy, but that her voice has been heard by someone who gets it.

        Comment by Shelley | February 14, 2012

      • Shelley,
        So let’s get this straight. If a father is involved in Domestic Violence, he should immediately be “DEAD” to his kids and have his rights taken away immediately and that is the end of the story, no ifs, ands, or buts. But, I’m curious, when women commit domestic violence, should they too immediately lose their kids immediately, end of the story, no ifs, ands, or buts?

        It sounds to be like your saying when men make bad decisions, they are done, ripe the kids away from them and give me double child support. But When women do something wrong, get us counseling and assistance and help so I can continue to be a mommy.

        If this is what you are saying, you are one of these feminists that believe men are bad, and need to be removed, and that women are only bad because of men.

        Sorry, but the latest government stats show that women hit, instigate, and use control in domestic situations just as much as men. However, the women oriented groups in charge of DV strangely enough don’t collect stats on this… hum… wonder why.

        Furthermore, my ex has done some serious issues in our relationship to the point that I can not stand her, but I would NEVER impede her seeing and being a part of her life. And yes Shelley, she has done abusive things to the child. But after she got help, she should be allowed to resume her relationship. For you and Janice to say “ooops, dad did this, get dad out forever” is a clear feminist agenda type thinking.

        Comment by ncfathers | February 14, 2012

    • Janice, drama queen is written ALL over your post. I find it very hard to believe that the NC court system would let a non-custodial parent whom was ACTIVELY involved in their child’s life get away with not paying support. AND just what do you define as kidnapping? A visitation that is late by 5 minutes? Your ex would rather be homeless than pay support? Are you sure that’s not what you would ‘rather’ do were roles reversed? Seeing ones child is NOT a privilege, it is a parental right (does he beat his children?) unless the child is either being neglected or physically/mentally abused. There is treatment for anger issues. Have you spoke to your children’s father about counseling or would you just rather him drop dead? Are you sure your not the one with the anger issues? How is he going to beat you up if you meet in a public place or a safe haven to do the exchange? Am I skeptical of you? Your dang right. I as well as other supporters on this site are your husbands!

      Comment by Tamara Abraham LeValley | May 29, 2013 | Reply

      • Janice, perhaps your ex cannot obtain employment because of pending criminal charges secondary to false allegations you have made. If this is the case then on top of your children’s father NOT being ‘allowed’ to be a play a part of his children’s lives then he shouldn’t be expected to pay you a dime. Hopefully since your post was 2 years ago these children are ‘allowed’ by you to see their father.

        Comment by Tamara Abraham LeValley | May 29, 2013

    • Janice

      Let me start by saying once I got started this became very long but my passion for children got me and I needed to get it out! So please read….
      I too was a primary parent on paper. And my ex made sure that our sons needs came first. This should truly not be man against woman or visa verse… This is all about our kids and what we as parents want to do to raise them right! I know deadbeat men and women and one is no better than the other. Most difference to me is the Woman’s parents raise these kid’s and they have to see the horror of a mom that loves drugs mom than her kids. Because most of those cases the dads don’t know or don’t know. But what I am here pushing is two people that at some point made this choice together to have a child. And sorry if 10 years down the road the 2 of you cant get alone and the relationship falls apart, but hey we DON’T FORGET ABOUT OUR CHILDREN!! This is not their fault and we as parents should step back and take a good look…. because history always repeats itself.. And one day our children our sweet babies that we would move heaven and earth for will be the ones that suffer for your anger, your heart filled with poor poor me he done me wrong so I will show him and the hate. What a word hate…. harsh word for someone that shares with you the most amazing person or persons in your life…. I am a lucky lady to have the privilege to have been married to a man that put our son above all else on his life. He never gave me one penny nor did I he. We done it together in two different houses. If he had to do or wanted to do he called and say to me I know its my day but something came up do you mind keeping him tonight? It’s an automatic yes. We wasn’t perfect we made mistakes out of anger, but it wasn’t like it would have been if we let a judge that doesn’t know or care about our son be the person to tell me or his dad what would have been right. They are there for a paycheck just like any other human out there do care about. They want to make the most money they can to take care of their family or play a round of golf. And when they the judges make these choices for “our” children they are making it on how can I bring more money into his or her house. It has nothing to do with a woman or man mom or dad it has to do with there own greed. And by showing the parent that makes the lesser of the household income they give all they can to that parent because it puts more money in their pocket. I was blessed and my son a now grown married man a member of our US ARMY. He has told me because he sees the drama his stepbrothers go through that he knows now how lucky he was too have a mom and dad loved him more than ourselves to make sure he always had us both just because we needed to end our marriage we never thought to end being mom and dad. So here is my rant. I told a lady today as I was getting my nails done how our state laws do our children and asked her to just look it up that we are on Facebook and even though she is happily married she too may find it worth her time to join our journey to make our children’s life easier and not have to choose mom over dad because they need both of us. Sorry this rant is so long but my passion is for our children. Not just mine but all children that are subject to the abuse they have to go through…

      Comment by freidt2012 | September 28, 2013 | Reply

  2. Judges should be fair. If the Father is a law abiding upstanding citizen He should have equal time with His Children and by that I mean 50/50 custody. The Mother is not always the goodie-goodie two shoes that most courts make them out to be. I Say, Equal time for the FATHERS as well as equal support for those children. When they are with there Mother she is responsible for there welfare and not getting a check from the Father to blow as she sees fit. Sometimes the Mother needs to pay the Father if that’s equality.

    Comment by Kathy Smith | January 3, 2012 | Reply

  3. I absolutely think judges should be fair to both mothers and Fathers! There are so many cases where there are deserving fathers who want joint custody and even full custody who are denied by the NC Courts. Not because they aren’t fit to have custody, but because NC supports mothers. I think it is absurd that a father, who works a full time job, has no criminal history, takes care of, loves, and supports his children cannot have joint custody. It is a shame that in order for a father to even have a fighting chance in NC Courts he must spend thousands and thousands of dollars for an attorney that may or may not be able to get him 50/50 custody (money that could be better spent on the children). Even if the best interest for the children is with the father and not the mother, NC Courts will see to it that in most cases, the mother still gets full custody and the fathers get screwed. These same fathers are the ones who NC State requires they pay over 70% of their pay into child support (which leaves them to survive off of 30%, like that is even possible with our current economy) with the uncertainty that the mothers receiving this money take it and spend it on the care and well-being of the children. These same fathers are the ones who struggle every day to make ends.
    What justice is being served to keep children away from their fathers anyway? Children need both parents equally! If both parents are fit to have custody, then they should have joint. I have seen so many WONDERFUL FATHERS beat down by the system. I truly hope that this issue is addressed with the state and a fair and reasonable solution is found, one that makes both parents equal in the court of law.

    Comment by Ann Lee | January 4, 2012 | Reply

    • That was very well said Ann Lee. I feel like you were explaining my current situation with my custody case. I can only pray that I get at least 50/50 custody of my two wonderful children. I’ve spent over $10,000 in lawyer fees already and haven’t gotten anywhere on the custody issue. I can only pray that I get 50/50 when I want full custody due to my wife’s mental issues and proven drug use. I am a 12 year veteran Deputy Sheriff with an outstanding work history and I have to pray for mercy from the courts! It’s a disgrace for the courts to unfairly treat good and decent fathers, especically if they are deserving of custody. I love my kids more than my life and I am so ready to have them in my life and be with them as much as I can. I don’t deserve to be a victim of the State any more than I already have from a cheating wife. Thanks for your support.

      Comment by David Craft | June 2, 2012 | Reply

      • I feel your pain, Sir, and wish you all the luck in the world.

        Comment by Mr. Blank | November 29, 2012

  4. I have been fighting an unjust family court system since 2005. my ex wife intentionally continuously violates our parenting agreement. I brought forth clear and convincing evidence that more than met my burden of proof. All I want is for her to comply and allow me to have my kids every other weekend as agreed. The children were removed from her custody two years ago due to domestic violence between she and her boyfriend. She lied to child protective services and told them I had stabbed her in the past and that I wasn’t fit to have them. She admittedly told this to the children too by the way. This is a complete fabrication. I have never harmed her or the children. Her very own niece got the message to me of what was happening so I called child protective services and gave them the true information. an agent with child protective services came to my home, did took a look around and was very impressed. I filed a show cause motion, brought a statement from the case worker that removed the kids from her residence and a case worker from my district came to court with me in person. The judge STILL placed the children back with her. That judge then turned on me and showed such anger toward me for bringing this to court. I could not believe what was occurring. She showed such a high level of anger and rudeness toward me that it prompted me to research courtroom bias and I’m compiling lots of evidence. How and why does this judge (Wake County NC) get away with such ghastly violations of the Code of Judicial Conduct Canon 3 (1)(2)(3) ????? Also check out the Joseph Cordell website for in-depth interviews with an attorney who worked very hard for a very similar case. I’m starting to see a major shift as more and more non-custodial fathers are choosing to fight for their right to be treated equally and be able to contribute to their childrens’ lives. Unless clear and convincing evidence shows a father unfit, no court has the right to invade a parent child relationship. Start out in court as equals then let evidence do its job. North Carolina has a ghastly and broken family court system that allows daily unethical, prejudice, illegal, irresponsible and criminal behavior to occur by those elected and/or appointed to dispense unbiased rulings. There is no worse of a level of violation of public trust than for judges to be so biased.

    Comment by Jamie | January 27, 2012 | Reply

    • Jamie thanks for commenting. I could wright for hrs on WHY the NC Family Courts are biased, and why I think this is happening, ESPECIALLY in Wake County. I would seriously think about filing a complaint with the NC Judicial Standards Commission if he/she refuses to hold accountable a parent who refuses to follow a court order. Be sure if it was you not following the court order, all hell would beak loose.

      Nothing is going to change until MILLIONS on non-custodial grandmothers, step-mothers, paternal aunts, fathers, and other members of the non-custodial/paternal family organize, and become a lobby.

      Comment by ncfathers | January 27, 2012 | Reply

      • I always write a letter to the Governor, along with a copy of the complaint, and answer, and send a cd with the verbatim audio recording. You can get a copy of the recording for free by filing a form requesting a copy.

        Comment by Brad | January 27, 2012

      • Brad, good point. When Judges and Representatives realize that non-custodial families are not just going to lower their head anymore and take this, that we are going to build a NC organization/lobby group that will affect elections, and the Judicial Standards Commission starts getting 50 complaints a day, this will change.

        Comment by ncfathers | January 27, 2012

  5. Thank you both for the ideas. I’m going to write both. I had wondered for these past several years why fathers are vilified and punished so harshly for taking this to court. After reading all of the information on this site its so clear as to what’s going on. I’m actually one of the lucky ones though. I wasn’t denied my time by the courts, but they just won’t enforce the order when SHE denies my time. AS a condition of our order, she was required to contact me and discuss any move that would effect our ability to exchange the kids as stated in the order. Shortly after the agreement was signed into order, she moved three hours away. Then, there was an ordeal with one of her many boyfriends in which child protective services in that county contacted me. I obtained an ex parte custody order here in wake county and drove up to get my kids. I stopped by the sheriff’s office and spoke with the deputy that was to serve the order. He was a total jerk, and I told him if he didn’t want to help to find a deputy that would. He somewhat apologized and we headed to her house and met with a second deputy. He served the custody order and I brought the kids home. A week later it went before this same judge and this judge acted angry as usual and gave the kids right back to her. I never said a word, never showed any emotion or expression that would cause anyone to think I was upset. I remained calm as I expected this to be the outcome. Then out of the blue the judge looks at me and asked ver sternly, “Is there going to be a problem ?” Of course I held my calm and respectfully said “No your honor”. Now this was the first time social services removed the kids from her custody. There was a second time they were removed and numerous other anonomous reports to child protective services. They couldn’t tell me who made the reports but I’m pretty sure it was the schools they attended. Additionally over a two year span she had them literally in nine different schools. She was hiding them from me so I was constantly investigating on my own where they were and calling the schools and setting up surprise appointments to visit the kids there. All of the schools were wonderful and were very supportive of what I was doing. This was not enough to be awarded custody, and not even enough for the judge to enforce her own order that was blatantly violated. Not even with clear and convincing evidence right in her face, both on paper and with competent testimony by a total stranger that drove three hours to testifiy for me. So the custody model is VERY lopsided and it’s an indictment on Wake County Family Court’s integrity and ethics. I for one will keep going and do everything I can to take part in exposing and changing all of this. It’s tough because the people we are supposed to go to for help are involved. Local media is scared to intervirew fathers like me because the judges may never let them in their courtroom in the event there is a good juicy case. So how do we expose this and get enough support?

    Comment by Jamie | January 28, 2012 | Reply

    • Non-Custodial Parents who have this happen to them everyday. When you take these people, AND their family who get equally hurt by this mess, you have a HUGE amount of voters. When those voters, by the millions start emailing, calling, and letting Legislators know that we are united and will vote on this issue, things will change. So, please consider in your daily travels sending others to our mailing list.

      Comment by ncfathers | January 28, 2012 | Reply

  6. I definitely will. I’m actually sending a link to this site to a string of my friends who are in this mess. I really appreciate this site. I felt like giving up until I found you all.

    Comment by Jamie | January 28, 2012 | Reply

  7. My husband’s ex-wife repeatedly violated the custody consent order, increasing in frequency after she began dating a certain boyfriend. Three months after they were married, my husband’s ex wife told my husband that she was moving two and a half hours away. My step-daughter at this point had been spending several afternoons a week with us and little sister as well as extended time in the summer. My in-laws had moved to our town in the last two months to be closer to their grandchildren. In addition, my mother in law had been taking care of my step-daughter one day a week since shortly after she was born so that my husband’s ex-wife could work. After we were told of the intended move, we filed motions to modify custody, a temporary restraining order to keep my step-daughter from moving, a motion to allow my step-daughter to seek counseling which her mother had denied the need for, and for a custody evaluation. We were granted counseling for my step-daughter, a mutually agreed upon court ordered custody evaluator, and 50/50 custody for the summer during which my husband’s ex-wife could move while custody would be decided. After an extensive custody evaluation (including 25 interviews and a 900 page case file compiled) and tens of thousands of dollars spent on attorney fees, the court heard from each biological parent, the custody evaluator, and a reviewer of the custody evaluation called as a rebuttal witness from my husband’s ex-wife. The neutral mutually agreed upon custody evaluator said in court that his opinion was that custody should be awarded to my husband and my step-daughter should stay in her hometown that she was born and raised in. His reasons included my husband’s ex-wife’s attempts to limit access to his daughter, her refusal to acknowledge myself or my daughter in front of my step-daughter, my husband being “the most active and involved non-custodial father the court was ever likely to encounter”‘, the repeated changing reasons for the proposed move, the secure attachment bonds of my step-daughter to my husband, myself, and my daughter, my step-daughter’s repeated desire to live with her father during seperate interviews at her mother and father’s homes, and her ambivalent relationship with her new step-father (who had been accused of domestic violence by his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend). After hearing testimony of the parents and experts, the judge ordered primary custody to remain with the mother and that my step-daughter would be moving. He then gave my husband every other weekend and two dinners a month (as compared to the eight he had before.) After the move, my husband’s ex-wife continued to not allow my husband any additional time with her father even when my husband was willing to make the five hour round trip to see her once a week during the work week. My husband’s ex-wife also will not allow my in-laws to call to speak with their granddaughter when she is in her mother’s custody. My step-daughter continues to ask us when she can move back here with us and is often very upset when it is time for her to return to her mother’s home. The entire experience has been repeatedly heartbreaking for my step-daughter, my husband, my daughter, my in-laws, and myself.

    Comment by Lynn | February 11, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Lynn,
      I wish I could say that your information is shocking, but it’s not. It’s good to see women in non-custodial families starting to get involved in this issue. Please join our mailing list and be active daily getting more and more non-custodial families active and ready to vote on these issues.

      Comment by ncfathers | February 11, 2012 | Reply

    • My step-daughter has been kept away from us and BOTH grandparents. Us for 11 years, and all the grandparents for 2 years. I have a better relationship with Elizabeth Fergusons mother than she does. The last time she took us to court,for contacting Madeline on Facebook, her new husband’s parents and her parents were with us. The “judge” John Greenlee (look him up, he’s a serious problem of the Gaston family courts) offered ANOTHER moderation. Derek was representing himself and didn’t want to put her through it. She had been kept out of school for 3 weeks for “fear he would kidnap her!” already. Why do that to people you “love”? The LAST time she cut off her husbands’ parents from seeing them he went to one of their schools for grandparents day and she kept them out of school until social services made her send them back! She was also charged with abuse when Maddy was 3 (had to admit that in front of Maddie for the first time in court 2 weeks ago) and was made to take “parenting classes” for beating her up and down with a broom. Arms back and legs(the ones on her arms the police officer said were defense bruises) and Elizabeth said it was from a sliding board after she told my husband it was from a fight with a friends’ 3 year old child. That’s when we got scared and tried to start keeping things as calm as possible.We were forced to give up the fight to keep Maddie safe. She never gave up the fight. She filed a false abuse charge on us after that. She drove by our house tried to send people over. One guy tried to force his way into our house. NC doesn’t care if a woman beats her child but they’ll arrest a man for a few bucks. OH there’s SO much more. But that is the gist. We feel you folks. We’ve been seriously wronged by the Gaston County Courts for years. She keeps removing pictures from my husbands website for Madeline, for when she decides she’s safe enough to contact him. She’s trying to have it shut down. http://www.facebook.com/christy.harlan/posts/540105159356575?ref=notif&notif_t=like#!/derekharlan22?fref=ts

      Comment by Christy Harlan | February 8, 2013 | Reply

  8. My husband ex gf is planning to move 2 and 1/2 hours away and get married w her bf so the court will allow her to move w my stepdaughter..first, she lied to the court that her bf and her been dating for 2 and 1/2 years and also telling the court the daughter is doing bad at school bec we have her extra day during every other week for 1 day.. My husband is a great father who pays child support and obeying the laws.. Also, his ex gf took my step daughter to the beach one weekend on our weekend, so we filed a complaint against her.. What can we do to prove this and get equal rights. we filed for 50 % custody and mediation said we dont have much chance bec shes getting married..Pls help????

    Comment by Jacie Connor | March 16, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Jacie,
      Sorry to hear about you and your husbands ordeal. First we need to say that NC Fathers is not a law firm, and nothing about this comment should be taken as legal advise. Jacie, there really is nothing we can do. Our organization is just trying to get millions of non-custodial fathers, step-mothers, paternal grandmothers, etc… and build a lobby that prevents Judges and Legislators from doing what they do to people like you. Until that happens, and given history, it is likely the Judge will allow her to move away with the child.

      Comment by ncfathers | March 18, 2012 | Reply

    • Jacie, you must stop the move. 50/50 custody is simply not possible with 2.5hrs of distance between you. My guess it that she knows you both want equal custody and this is her attempt to stop that from happening.

      If you can’t stop her from moving then plan on moving yourselves to maintain contact and continue the fight for equal custody.

      Comment by Brad | March 18, 2012 | Reply

  9. Hey Sirs,

    I am a local pastor and have a brother who has the lead responsibility of care, education, recreation, spiritual development, and medical for his 6 year old daughter in his home. He and the mother have divorced and the couple has tried to coordinate care but in recent months the mother has become inconsistent and irrational in regards to set schedules of care, coordinated drop off and pick up, and finances. Recently the mother has moved in with her current partner, stolen the ex-husbands identity (credit card fraud), and has threaten with “arbitration” for the daughter. The father would like to resolve these matters amicably but I, personally, don’t see it happening. What documents/agreements could the father establish with the mother (other than legal custody) to demonstrate his seriousness about the matter but that doesn’t set the mother off?

    Comment by Pastor Johnson | March 25, 2012 | Reply

    • HI Pastor Johnson,
      I’m confused about something. You stated “have a brother who has the lead responsibility of care, education, recreation, spiritual development, and medical for his 6 year old daughter in his home.” Is this established by a court, or a written agreement filed with the courts? Or, is this just something that has been taking place?

      I also would think that it would be difficult to “arbitrate” with someone in a manner that does not set them off if they have allegedly committed credit card fraud, etc…

      We are NOT lawyers, and nothing about this post should be taken as legal advise. But, if you brother can show that he has the child and can demonstrate that he is the primary caregiver, that SHOULD be enough. But, there are Judges in NC who believe that Fathers should not be primary custodial parents and will overturn this on a dime. It happens daily given that Judges have so much discretion. Not knowing the parties in this matter, we can’t say if there is a way to arbirate this OUT of mediation or court.

      I will say this though, be very careful. All that needs to happen to put your brother into the “guilty until proven innocent” seat and something that will give her 100% custody immediately is a false allegation of violence. All it takes in NC is for her to “feel threatened” and a restraining order can be placed and things change quick. Very common tactic.

      Comment by ncfathers | March 25, 2012 | Reply

  10. I am 14 years into paying child support. What I have gotten in return is a troubled teenage son that has been raised to reject his father. “When he has shown an interest in seeing me he is threatened like so, “you can pack your bags for good and live with your father.”

    I have resisted making comments on the situation in the past because it always seemed hopeless and can appear that I am “just another father who would rather not pay.” I have not only paid but I have also saved for his education as well. No one ordered me to do so and his mother has failed to put away a single dime.

    I have a wealth of knowledge in this area and have given a good fight to the system. I will begin sharing some of this moving forward.

    With out going into detail right now people should stop blaming the Mothers who abuse the system. Doing so is akin to blaming a juvenile delinquent raised in a family culture of crime. The NC judges are at fault. Everyday judges sit before the unspeakable injustice that goes on before there very eyes.

    Think about this: There are only two ways in the United States a person can be sent to jail for failure to pay a dept. One is taxes and the other is child support. Governments will not crowd a prison system concerning the money owed to to private citizens. e.g. mortgages, credit cards, ect and in the case of child support they do not either. The state of NC concentrates heavily on the issue of child support not as it would have you believe, (The best interest of the child). Collecting child support is a main income staple to the state. That income is looked at for budgets. When you need to pay extra bills at home what do we start thinking about? Where is the money going to come from right? Who has the authority to milk money from the citizens to meet the need?

    Justice? Look into the eyes of man being sent back from a court room to a jail cell who is not given even the ability to try and meet the unreasonable demands of these judges. Watch them struggle to control the basic instinct to fight for your family…fearing it to be adjudicated as an “anger issue.”

    Comment by Robert | March 26, 2012 | Reply

  11. Robert, I agree with everything you said except don’t blame the Mothers for using the system. The difference between a teen and crime is they are hurting themselves. The Mothers are willfully causing emotional harm upon their own children for easy money and revenge against the Father. They most certainly should be held accountable for the troubled teenagers that are the product of their abusive and selfish acts.

    My four year old daughter is being raised to hate me as well, and that Daddy doesn’t deserve any acknowledgement. Instead of Daddy being special and important in her life, she is being trained that Daddy is the most unimportant part of her life. TV comes before Daddy. To instill this mindset into a small child’s mind is indirectly telling her that half of herself is flawed, as everything about Daddy is shunned by the Mother, including Daddy’s traits within their own daughter. My daughter’s Mother had her convinced her blue eyes were black (pupil) because she has my blue eyes. Yes, this is child abuse and they most certainly should be held accountable.

    Comment by Brad | March 26, 2012 | Reply

    • Brad, I know that my words will sound somewhat secondary to what you are going through. I have been, and to some extent still do feel the same heartache. Believe these things to be true:

      Resist the temptation to behave the same way with your daughter. Her mother is going to find out that her words will have the opposite effects in the end. Please continue to be kind to that girl no matter what. Never utter a bad word about her mother. Fight like holy hell to keep every second of time you can get. To a greater extent than boys, girls need a father that displays fearless determination and character. You will find yourself being honored the day she is married for all of this, all of which surely is worth the struggle.

      Look Brad, your ex-wife, girlfriend or whatever she was to you is interested in the one thing you can control, control itself. Have you ever noticed that she may ask questions in a start up cheery mood to see what position you may have on certain things? This would happen to me all the time.

      Example: “What time frame would you prefer to have your daughter this summer?” The answer to that question should always be, “You tell me when you want to have your visitation and I will take mine accordingly.” What you have done here is taken away what she thinks she has….the chance to say no to you. Make no mistake this is part of the kill for them and when you take it away the taste for blood begins to slip from them. When you do allow them the chance to deny you something the first thing they do is tell anyone who will listen they have struck another blow for the C.S.W.H.

      Pick and choose the battles.

      You must get if you do not have it yet either Legal Shield, Pre Paid legal or something equally as good. These services are worth there wait in gold for people like us. Get it before she does.

      Understand the laws.

      Assume you are on the loosing side but cannot afford to loose.

      Gain an excellent relationship with your lawyer. Pay him and gain his respect. I was my attorneys first client. He has represented me like I was his brother. At some point it became personal to him. Make sure he is right for you. If you are not calling each other by first names by the first year, find out why or go to someone else.

      There is so much more. Whatever you do avoid police problems. Do not go to jail. Walk away. Find out what goes on around your daughter but DO NOT STALK. I will be back with more……..OOOhh I feel a little better myself now…

      Kind regards,

      Rob

      Comment by Robert | March 27, 2012 | Reply

      • Robert, she only wants one thing, and that is to remove me from my daughters life period. It’s not a control thing, it’s a vendetta.

        And of course neither parent should badmouth the other in front of the children.

        Comment by Brad | March 28, 2012

  12. This whole thing with NC Courts sickens me. We moved out here from California and even though the courts arnt perfect out there, I can say that the judge my custody goes through in California would never stand for any of this. He has repremaned both me and my ex-husband for not thinking about the children’s best interest. Before moving here, we had 50/50 custody. One week with me and one with him. That is how it should be (as long as distance is not an issue). Know my girls live in California with their dad. At first I was angry and upset with the judge for making this decision, however as time went by I realized that this was the best option for my girls. It was not fair to them that I take them from both sides of their family and everything they know because I was unhappy in California. After dealing with my boyfriends case in NC I am still shocked that judges and social services maintain their positions by acting this way.

    My boyfriend took custody of his four small children almost two years ago. They were in our care for six months than one week before x-mass, social services removed them from our home. We fought with social services to protect the children from their mother. That is how they even got involved in our lives. These children have been mentally, physically, and sexually abuse while they were in her care. The first judge we went in front of ordered social services to take the children into custody, without removing them from our home, over the weekend. He ordered tham to have paperwork ready for him to sign the following week to sign full custody to my boyfriend and that was to be that. Well social services went to another judge and had her sign to have the children kept in protective custody. From there it has all been nothing but hell. They have lied, hidden evadence, and refused to follow the judges orders but the judge just turns a blind eye.

    They have finally admitted that my boyfriend was not the offending father, however still will not give him his children back. Two of the children have been placed back with the mother. Since December/2011 his son has been suspended from school, both children have missed 10days of school, and she can barely make ends meet or get them to their appointments. So why does social services keep supporting placement with this woman? Statement from the judge dated 4/9/12 “MS. __ is on the verge of being overwhelmed with the children that are currently placed with her. The Court does have concerns about the discrepancies in the reports received from Forsyth County regarding the living conditions of Ms. __.”

    This woman has over 12 years of social service involvement in her life in three different states. She lost custody of her oldest son back in 2000 and has next to nothing to do with him. “deadbeat dad” how about “deadbeat mom”. She is suppose to pay $100 a month and wont even do that for her child, but demands she gets time with the child. The my boyfriends older two children, both in 5th grade, have been into over 10 schools since kindergarten and we have tracked down over 15 addresses that she has had since 2004. My point is that these are the types of woman that the NC Judges and Social Services leave children with rather than allowing loving fathers to raise or even be apart of their children’s lives.

    Since the two children have been placed back with the mother, social services has done nothing to arrange visits. So once again he is stuck where he was for years, no visits, calls consisting of mom in background hounding kids to ask dad inappropriate information, and mom being verbally abusive to dad in front of the children. Not to mention that once social services is out of her life, she is going to take those children and leave NC and he will have no contact with them as was the norm between the years of 2004 and 2008.

    It just blows my mind that a system can be so corrupt and messed up!!! Sorry for the venting.

    Comment by Brandi | April 13, 2012 | Reply

  13. After leaving Wilmington, NC court a couple of weeks ago I have never been so upset in my whole life. You see…It is okay with the certain judge we had if your child is exposed to drugs, burned with a cigarette, and put into situations that the child is too young to handle. Even when you have 3 DSS workers and a social worker saying that the child should have extremely limited visits and the judge thinks its okay to put the child back into danger. You have a father who is perfectly capable of taking care of his child and the court finds him in contempt because he chose to keep the child out of harms way per the DSS …Wilmington, NC WATCH OUT FOR THE CORRUPT JUDGES YOU PUT IN THE COURT SYSTEMS. This is an outrage for all the fathers who are out there working and trying to do what is best for their children.

    Comment by beth ross | April 16, 2012 | Reply

    • I also had a very negative experience in New Hanover County…to the point that I desperately hoped ANYONE would run against the extremely unjust family court judge that notoriously rules in favor of the mother despite the individual circumstances of a case. Sadly, he is running unopposed so more families’ and more importantly children, will be left to deal with the negative consequences of his “blind justice.” Helpless does not begin to describe what I have felt and I am sure you are experiencing the same. My prayers are with you!

      Comment by Alison | April 19, 2012 | Reply

      • I am assuming you had the same judge as we did from the sound of things. I am thinking we should stand up for our children and grandchildren. This judge is way out of line and totally ignores DSS and Social Workers. He thinks he is better than the average person and doesn’t have to listen to the advice of others involved in these cases.

        Comment by beth | April 22, 2012

  14. I am officially putting this out there! I have tried to contact this site to post petition info, however I have not gotten any response back. So here I go. I am trying to locat as many parents, mainly father’s/grandparents as that seems to be where the jist of the problem is. I have created a petition and contacted aprx. 50 T.V. and Radio media in hopes of getting something accomplished. Please contact me at 213-220-1062 or look at the petition (link below), if you are interested in taking a REAL stand against NC judges and social workers.

    http://www.change.org/petitions/the-president-of-the-united-states-make-judges-and-social-workers-liable-for-tearing-apart-loving-families
    (copy and past into address bar)

    Comment by Brandi | April 19, 2012 | Reply

  15. My story is long and has to do with foolish decisions I knowingly made to sponsor a woman from overseas for US citizenship. She then asked me to use my name for two subsequent children that were born to her from other men and after that, the blackmail began. Still, I was at both of their births and raised them as my own but when she remarried in Las Vegas one day after our divorce was final, her new husband said she had to choose between him and me to be in her life and the kids could only have one father.

    When they informed me they were moving very far away out of state, I threatened to try to stop them. Knowing how the NC Family Court worked, they invited me to their house and proceeded to attack me. When I left, they filed charges and five separate attorneys said I would have to plead guilty as these cases are never won by the father. In order for the ex and her husband to agree to defer charges, I had to agree to no contact with them or the kids ever again, not just until 18. However, child support continued and the 529 education IRA I had set up still belonged to them. They are very wealthy but child support does not look at the circumstances of the custodial parent, only the earnings of the non-custodial parent.

    I have tried to get the News & Observer to have a reporter investigate this but they don’t return emails and when I spoke to one reporter, he outright said the paper would not be interested. I would like to write a letter to a political official at the state level but do not know who would be in charge of this type of investigation or legislation although I could start with my own pathetic representative, David Price but he would never get involved.

    What I would like is to see if people are interested in gathering in person (remember when people did that?) and discussing real action. I would have contributed the maximum financially to any judge that would have run against Debra Sasser but she is running unopposed. How do we get statistics on how judges rule and how do we get word out that we will support their opponents? I see no contact information on this web site, it is completely anonymous as to who runs it. Is that intentional? Is anyone else interested in real action other than just posting our stories? And I don’t think a petition to the President is appropriate – I did look at it and it would need radical change to make it credible.

    If people want to speak with me, I am happy to post my contact details. Information is great but action is better.

    Comment by Steve | June 9, 2012 | Reply

    • Steve, I would think the US consulate, or the immigration department. What about a paternity test?

      Comment by Brad | July 17, 2012 | Reply

  16. Everyone may write a letter to the Judicial Standards Commission.
    Voice your Complaints!

    June 1, 2010
    from;
    Peter Barbeau
    Ivanhoe, North Carolina 28447
    tele 336-200-1872 email; booshoomusic@gmail.com

    to;
    Deborah R. Carrington, Executive Secretary
    Judicial Standards Commission
    P.O. Box 1122 Raleigh, NC 27602
    (919) 733-2690

    re;
    Honorable Jeffrey Noecker, Judge
    State court cause no.08 CVD 2884 Barbeau v Tan
    General Court of New Hanover County, North Carolina

    Dear Judicial Standards Commission,

    I write to make a formal complaint against the Honorable Jeffrey Noecker within my child custody case…….
    try and be precise and respectful.

    Comment by peter barbeau | August 15, 2012 | Reply

    • Thank you for posting. Judge Noecker hurts children.

      Comment by Jenny | August 19, 2012 | Reply

  17. I came across your site and was very happy to finally see something related to trying to help NC fathers. I have been working on starting a non profit for fathers who are constantly being pushed to the side and not being able to be apart of their child/children lives. I strongly believe that if more fathers knew their rights and had more resources and support they would be able tofind their voice and get the help they need to not be absent in their childrens lives. I know tons of fathers not only in NC but in other states as well who dealing with horrible situations and struggling to be able to see their kids and want to see and their kids and have the means to help provide without being on child support but still have problems because of the mothers and also with the majority of the services are geared towards single mothers and women in general. I would love to hear fathers voice their opinions and talk about their struggles and also if possible letting me know if they think that if there was an organizations to help them if they would participate in it? I believe all children should know who their fathers are and fathers should be involved as long as its not dangerous for the child. Because of the close connection and relationship I have with my father I know that it is very important for child to be able to have that same connection.

    Comment by Brittany | August 31, 2012 | Reply

  18. My son went to court for custody from his wife. He was awarded custody. Her mom works as a supervisor at social services. After the trial the mom and daughter ran over to the courthouse and confronted the judge. The judge was not happy about it. The ex-wife was supposed to meet my son at 4:00 with his son. That didn’t happen. So my son thought he saw her driving by, so he called his lawyer asked what to do. Lawyer said call the sherrif’s department. He did. When a seargeant got there he held her for about 45 minutes with out asking her for an ID, registration, proof of insurance, nothing. Then walks the child back to car and my son said that’s not my child. All hell broke loose and my son was asked to leave. So the next week I go with him. The same seargeant proceeds to intervein. He says they will do nothing for us. If he catches following her car he will arrest us. If we are sitting outside her house or any other house he will arrest us. I never felt so wrong for being so right. We did a background check and imagine what I found, he is related to her. So, Where do I go from here? Thanks

    Comment by boknows2 | October 4, 2012 | Reply

    • If you suspect that law enforcement is not abiding by a court order because an officer is related to the mother, then clearly your attorney needs to contact the sheriff in the town and have a talk.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 4, 2012 | Reply

      • Thank you all very much! Did I tell you her mom is a supervisor at social services which isn’t helping either. Is this politics or just corruption. Thanks

        Comment by boknows2 | October 5, 2012

  19. How do you get a list of Judges and Politicians that supports ncfather?

    Comment by Clifford | October 26, 2012 | Reply

    • Clifford, there is not one single Judge or Politician in NC that supports NC Fathers. This is because most of them are making money from this system. Attorneys make up 33% of the nc Legislature, and they want parents fighting for 18 yrs so they get retainers. Other Legislators have no idea how to pay for Medicaid, so the current system works for them. Judges maintain power from well fed lawyers. Nobody on the ballot you have before you cares. It is up to non-custodial fathers, step-parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles to build a massive organization that forces them to care.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 26, 2012 | Reply

  20. Tell me how I can do my part in helping this cause, nc fathers has my full support.

    Comment by Clifford | October 26, 2012 | Reply

    • Clifford, you meet non-custodial family members every day in your normal travels. Invite them to our facebook page and website http://facebook.com/ncfathers . Share our posts on social media sites. Join our mailing list http://ncfathers.wordpress.com/mailing-list When we ask you to contact State Reps and Senators, do so.

      Thank You for being involved!

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 26, 2012 | Reply

      • I went to school with my local State Representative and he is a neighbor of mine. He has supported me in my quest for justice.

        Comment by Clifford | October 26, 2012

      • Clifford, tell us your story and who your NC State Representative is?

        Comment by stompkinsnc | October 26, 2012

      • My son’s mother and I signed a consent order on August 26, 2009. She was in contempt in several different ways based on what we agreed to in the consent order that she had drawn up. I approached a law firm and discussed the many contempt violations my son’s mother was in. After giving the law firm the facts of my case the law firm told me the contempt violations would be addressed and there would be no problem getting me three overnights per week based on the consent order that was already in place and my work schedule. They also told me that no actions before August 26, 2009 could be brought forward in this case and that this would never make it to trial with the evidence in hand and the consent order in place. I hired this law firm September, 2010 based on their promises.
        A motion to modify and a motion for contempt was filed. My son’s mother’s attorney filed a motion to modify child custody, a motion for child support, and a motion for retroactive support/reimbursement of expenditures. We had a mediation session but my son’s mother did not want to come to a fair and reasonable agreement. A few weeks after mediation my son’s mother and I went through the deposition process.
        All financial documents were requested from both sides by both attorneys. Had I been informed properly and my case handled in a professional and business-like manner, there would have been no need to file any extensions to complete statements, discovery requests, or retrieve more documentation that was a direct result of additional billings all through the case.
        I received a notice for calendar call for motion to modify custody. Then I took a copy of my tax returns to the law firm as requested. A week later I received another notice for calendar call for modification of temporary child support. The law firm representing me did everything in their power to prevent my key witness from showing up for the temporary child support hearing that should have never taken place. The law firm finally agreed to issue a subpoena by fax the day before the hearing, which was impossible for my witness to make arrangements to appear. On the date of the hearing, my attorney, frantic and on edge, stated I needed to quickly sign the temporary child support or go back in front of the judge with the possibility of it being higher. After his chaotic behavior, I thought I was forced to sign the document. I paid temporary child support for four months.
        The events set out and the actions taken by both law firms generated grounds for a trial. My law firm mishandled and harassed my key witness to the point that she never showed up for any court proceedings. My attorney advised me to start keeping my son the three nights that the original consent order stated. My son’s mother wasn’t allowing me to do that. I kept him three overnights for two weeks and on the third week my son’s mother snatched him from daycare before I could get him on the first day I was supposed to have him. I went to the sheriff’s office and spoke with the sheriff but there was nothing he could do because there was such a gray area in the wording of the consent order.
        I was forced to use a vacation day from work in order to keep my son three nights the week she snatched him from daycare. I received an email from my son’s mother on the night of the last day I had him stating that he was starting preschool the next day. I consider this a big event in my son’s life and should have been able to attend such an event, but without my consent and with only hours of notice I was unable to arrange time off to attend. I met with the preschool director and was informed that I don’t exist and have no grounds there. The director informed me that I was not listed as the father or l was not listed on the pick-up list. After showing that I had legal visitation, I was still denied the right to pick up my son from preschool and was told that my son’s mother’s attorney had placed a letter in my son’s file blocking me from picking him up. When asked to see such document, I was denied. I contacted my attorney and told him what had transpired at the preschool and was told to take the high road, that it would work itself out at trial. In other words, I was on my on here.
        All documents from the preschool, including the document that was placed by my son’s attorney, was subpoenaed by my law firm. I received a contempt motion that was filed stating I was in contempt of the consent order because I took a vacation day in order for me to spend that third night with my son the week his mother snatched him from daycare. At this point I’m extremely disgusted with my legal representation and I feel that I am pretty much stuck here. My law firm has taken me into the rabbit hole. I consider this legal Entrapment.
        I went fifteen days without seeing my son at all. There was a hearing for temporary visitation set. I went from having three days a week visitation every week with my son, to no visitation with my son for a little over two weeks, to having temporary visitation which is less time with my son than I had when I first approached the law firm. I am overwhelmed with disgust because I paid this law firm to do this to me and my son.
        What had given the law firms grounds to take this case to trial was information sought prior to the original consent order. Things were brought up in court about my past and used in open court but much worse things were suppressed about my son’s mother that would have been very beneficial for my attorney’s to bring up in open court to help me in this case. The judge contradicted herself throughout her ruling. She didn’t know much about the case and who was involved. At the end of her ruling, she left the case wide open by saying, “We’ll have to come back and tweak this case a little”. I ended up with 120 overnights on a worksheet A. Before I left the courthouse, my attorney already had three more court appearances in my future.
        Over several weeks, both law firms and the judge supposedly were meeting to tweak the order. My law firm was trying to get me to accept the order the way it was after the court date by waiving the additional billings. But this was unacceptable because none of this was supposed to have transpired in the first place. I went to the court house to get a copy of my son’s mother’s w-2 and current pay stud that should have been in the evidence file, but it wasn’t there. The clerk of court could not locate it in the evidence file. I had to call the DA’s office and explain what I wanted and what I discovered with the missing evidence from the evidence file. A few days later, the clerk of court called me and told me to come pick up the document. When I asked him why it wasn’t in the evidence file, he said it was in a safe in another part of the courthouse. I asked why my son’s mother’s documents were so much more important than my documents. He said that I would have to ask the law firms involved that question. I requested a copy of the courtroom disc and told my attorney that I knew what they were doing. After this comment, billing stopped. The courtroom disc was cut right before the judge said, “We’ll have to come back and tweak this case a little”. Asking why and who has the authority to cut the master copy, I was told, the judge.
        Two different temporary order/ judgments were put in place. My son’s mother brought a police officer onto my property to try to get my son. She said that I was in conflict with her draft of the order. The copy of the second drafted order is what I was following. The order had been tweaked by the attorneys supposedly. My father stopped her and told the officer she was trespassing and not wanted on the property. She was made to leave. I called the magistrate. He told me to post no trespassing signs on the property.
        After the mishandling of my case, I informed the law firm that represented me if they didn’t correct all the mistakes that had been made in my case that caused the outcome that I received, I was going to move forward and hold them accountable for their negligence and malpractices. I attempted to call the NC State Bar but before I actually got to speak with someone the attorney from the law firm that was representing me was killed in an automobile accident. Again, I called the NC State Bar and this time I spoke with someone. I explained that I felt the law firm intentionally botched my case and they said they could not accept a complaint on a deceased attorney.
        A week later I took my son to preschool and talked with the director while I was there. I requested a copy of my son’s records and asked to add some names to the pick-up list. She was very agitated. She wanted to contact his mother first and discuss it with her. I explained to her that wouldn’t be necessary that I am his father. She was very loud and very rude. After I asked again for the records, she made a copy of the enrollment form and gave me a paper for the pick-up list. I still have yet to see the letter that was put in place there by my son’s mother’s attorney that kept me from picking up my son. She also told me that she was at the court house the day of our trial, but no one saw her.
        I received a letter from the law firm representing me stating that the attorney on my case had been killed and offered two other attorneys to select from to continue handling my case. I met with the attorney I selected and expressed dissatisfaction with the services rendered thus far. The attorney said that it would no longer be beneficial for the law firm to represent me and said that he would file a motion to withdraw. I later called the law firm and asked that they see the case through. By this time I’m financially crippled and can’t hire other legal representation. The law firm filed a motion to withdraw and sent me another bill for over $6000.
        I received a copy of the newest draft for me to review. Request of changes were presented from both sides to both attorneys. I went back to court only to find out that the judge was sick and the case was put off another month.
        I go back to court and the judge called both attorneys into her chambers. I was told that I wasn’t needed and that I could leave. The following week I went to the courthouse to pick up a copy of the Order that was on file at the courthouse. Later that day my son’s mother picked up my son from preschool violating the order I just picked up that morning. She said based on the order she had, she was not in violation of the order. I invited her to meet me at the sheriff’s office. After meeting with deputies, it was determined that there are two different conflicting orders. The deputies asked my son’s mother where she got the copy of the order she had. She said her attorney’s office. My son chose to go home with me after being asked by the deputies. The deputies told us to meet back with our attorneys the next day to sort it out. I went back to the courthouse to speak with the clerk to see what exactly was going on. The clerk told me that my son’s mother’s attorney’s paralegal brought their copy of the order to be filed late afternoon the day before (after we had met with the deputies at the sheriff’s department).
        The law firm contacted me to verify that there are in fact two different conflicting orders on file at the courthouse. The judge was given two different orders to review and signed them both. I was informed that I was going to have to go back in front of the judge to straighten out her incompetency. The judge made a special trip to clear up the confusion. The judge explained how the two different orders were signed by her and filed. She said she would not change the blocks of time I spend with my son that was in the order.
        In the weeks that followed the final court hearing, I tried to get my complete file from the law firm several different times. Each time I would find missing documents and missing information that I had given the firm. When I picked up my file once again I asked about missing documents that I had a subpoena for. The documents that were subpoenaed and missing from my file were to include all documentation from my son’s preschool, including the letter that was supposedly placed there by my son’s mother’s attorney that blocked my visitation and stopped me from picking up my son from the preschool. The paralegal said that they didn’t have those documents and they never received them from the preschool.
        My visitation was blocked at the preschool by a letter that does not exist in order for both law firms to get the outcome they wanted. In other words, they used my son as an extortion tool and set it up so that there would be future court hearings so they could continue using my son as extortion tool to extort money from me. The reason for this whole case was because I needed the word day defined in writing that was in the consent order.
        I sent a letter to the Attorney General’s office about how this law firm committed fraud, extortion, negligence, and malpractice. The AG’s office would not intervene and referred me to the NC State Bar. I spent six weeks putting together a grievance in the form of a bound booklet nearly 300 pages, including an in depth timeline of events and supporting evidence. The bar opened an investigation, but dismissed it because the attorney is now deceased. My local State Representative Jason Saine suggested I send the same bound booklet to the Attorney General’s office. I sent a letter along with the booklet stating that this is a form of legalized extortion allowed in the NC legal system, that this was the misuse of a child to gain revenue and future revenues, and that this was beyond a private legal matter. The AG’s office for the second time said that they would not intervene.

        Comment by Clifford | January 3, 2013

  21. Custody Hearing with Judge Seaton yesterday. I feel she was very fair. She will definitely get my vote.

    Comment by Robbie Brogden | November 3, 2012 | Reply

    • Robbie, thanks for sending us this information. We are pretty tough on Judges on this site but will always make it a point to say positive things when Judges act fairly and preserve the right for children to receive direct support, love, and guidance from BOTH parents and extended families absent a federal enforcement program that derives federal funding from a father who is purposefully kept at a distance.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | November 3, 2012 | Reply

  22. 16 years ago my wife and I agreed to split and that my son would live with me. Being young and not having much money at the time, we went to a notary and had papers drawn up stating that she relinquished full custody to me and that she was not ready to be a parent. A few months go by on Christmas day as my son was in the front yard riding his new tricycle, I turned and stuck my head in the door to speak with my mom and next thing I know my ex and her mother come flying in the yard and snatch my son right out of the yard and speed off. I rushed to get my keys but by the time i could get back out and try to follow they were gone. Fast forward six months….After months of negotiation we finally come to a agreement that we would have joint custody and that i would get visitation every weekend and so forth. Not one time was it ever honored. I paid my child support and even tried holding it to try and see my son and the courts told me it was a separate matter. That one did not have anything to do with the other. For years I paid support and carried insurance on my son, while she moved from town to town and never stayed in one place for longer than 6 months. I would spend thousands on Private Investigators, find her and go to his school and see him and then the next week they would be gone again. When he turned 9, she called me to come and get him saying she could not raise 2 kids seeing she had had another one. So, I took custody of my son and had all papers transferred to make it legal. After he came to live with me we found out that she was and had been for years hooked on crack and met. Six months after I got my son she committed murder for drug money and is now doing 9-12 years for second degree murder. If the courts had done there job and placed my son in my home he would have never wanted for anything he needed nor would he have ever been forced to live in the conditions that he did for 8 long years. My son was in 8 different schools, never lived in one home for more than 6 months, had to live with multiple strange men. It is a shame that fathers do not have more rights. There are a lot of good, hard working men that are loving and care for their children. Many a night I cried myself to sleep. I had days at work where i would just think of my boy and tear up and have to walk away to gain composure. It is TIME for NC to stand up and lead the way for father’s rights!! Thankfully my son turned out OK he graduated High school and is enrolled in college, yet he still carries scars from his life before.

    Comment by ROSS | November 29, 2012 | Reply

  23. I have custody of my three kids. One mother is bi-polar and the other is in prison for 18 months. They have both physically neglected our kids. Both have failed drug tests. My 4 1/2 yr old tested positive for cocaine. No criminal charges were pressed. A judge declined a 50B. Still everyone insist on joint custody and visitation. Do the children even matter anymore? I still continue our fight for our future!

    Comment by jesse truesdale | November 29, 2012 | Reply

  24. I have no idea if my comment will even be of interest to anyone or not. I am the mother of the paternal father of my oldest granddaughter. Or we think she is. My son was too stupid to listen to us and demand a DNA test at the time even though everyone told him the mother was sleeping around and he just believed her and blindly signed the birth certificate. The mother didn’t even let the child have his last name! She did take a paternity test with some other guy she claims she was sleeping with but not my son, how convenient. Like I said, he is an idiot.

    Over the years the baby spent most of her time either living in our house with her father or with her maternal grandmother. The mother tended to run the roads for the baby’s first year of life if she wasn’t bedding down at my house for a few weeks at a time. I did keep a calendar of when she was here.

    The mother left the baby with us when she was 10 months old never to be seen again by anyone until the child turned 13 months old at which time she showed back up engaged to a soldier in the Army. However that didn’t keep her from having a few more flings with my son. Now I do have to admit that when the baby was 11 months old we started splitting time with the maternal grandmother because I felt it was only fair. She wasn’t her daughter and she loved this child. The maternal grandmother was already raising the mothers first son who the mother had at age 19 from a 15 year old boy. Yeah you read that right. Pedophile. Why charges were not filed I don’t know.

    The mother was married in early August and a week before that she had slept with my son. Lovely huh?

    Anyway after that we had the child every weekend or at most every other weekend if they had something special to do. We had this little girl for every Xmas including her very first one and if I had not called over there to ask them if they wanted her, they would have never called. We had her ever other one up through her 5th Xmas. We took her up to VA most of the time. We took her on trips to the beach, we took her to the White House Easter Egg roll. We did everything with her. I spent an entire year and lots of money on dance classes for her when she was four.

    The only thing her mother has done is put her in beauty pageants and she has asked us for money for those. I have bought countless dresses, shoes, outfits and paid fees for her. We also went to all the pageants that were in the NC area.

    Her mother enrolled her in daycare fraudulently by saying she was living at her mothers house when she was actually living with her husband at Ft Bragg. I am not even sure she was still going to school She also sent her to Head Start saying the same things. The child didn’t qualify for that program because of both income and location. Her mother was actually working at the time but she wasn’t reporting that income and she was living in another town so she used her mothers address. Same with Kindergarten when she started school.

    The stepfather got transferred to another base in the middle of the child’s kindergarten year but the mother said she was going to leave the oldest two kids here in NC and have them go live with her during the summer. We all agreed with that. She didn’t adhere to that part of her bargain. She came and got the kids during the summer when the little girl turned 5 and that was it. We saw her for about a month that summer and we have seen her for a grand total of about 19 days since then. She had promised us that she was moving back home here to our town in NC this Dec because her husband was getting transferred back her to get out of the Army and they were buying a house but now she tells us this isn’t happening. We probably wont see the child until who knows when. We cant even talk to her because her mother screens her calls. She wont do skype either. The real kicker is they came to our town for halloween and never even called her father or us, her paternal grandparents. I only found out when I came upon pictures of them on facebook.

    You cannot imagine how hurtful this is. We made a huge mistake in not going in before the child left originally and having an injunction filed so she couldn’t leave the state but my son naively believed the mother.

    I don’t know what he can do now other than go to court if and when she ever steps foot back in NC. He doesn’t have the funds to go to her state and fight there.

    Comment by Janet | November 30, 2012 | Reply

  25. Hi. We don’t know each other outside of facebook but I’m hoping u can help me. I’m trying to find a way to change the custody system here in NC. It’s slanted towards women. Ask any lawyer such as I did and they say that as the father I should be lucky to get every other weekend and some time in summer. This was before we had even talked of situation. Where is it written that you are a worse parent cause you are a man? Even after court I’ve gotten no help. There’s no running water at my kids moms house but Brunswick DSS told me they wouldn’t do anything? I’m not a bitter man I just want fair treatment. Oh an child support needs to be amended. I don’t mind paying but when there’s no water and she’s buying a dog with the $600 I gave her something’s wrong. Sorry so long but I’m passionate about this. I want to make a change and the media is a good outlet to unearth problems and right wrongs. May not help me but could help future single dads not get railroaded. I’ve emailed all my so-called govt reps and gotten no response. Would love to share my full story and get some insight on how to change this archaic govt we have in NC. Thanks for your time.

    My ex was cheating on me while I was at home watching kids. I told her it wasn’t working out and a few days later she stole my children and hid them. I contacted attorney after attorney and they all said oh you will be happy to get every other weekend and some weeks in summer. This was before I ever opened my mouth. Why was I behind the eight ball from the start? Cause I’m a man? I’ve read several posts and I am in New Hanover County as well. It’s not just Judge Noecker. Blackmore is the worst. Anyway after going through a war of financial attrition (her lawyer took payments, mine needed a ton of money up front) and being told the best I would get just because I’m the dad I gave in. Only the lawyers won on that. Then after my hours at work were cut drastically I tried to lower my support payment. Couldn’t afford a lawyer so I definitely had a fool for a client. Judge told me from the start I had no chance without a lawyer. Never mind my income was a fraction of what it was. Now it slowly builds to levels that I get taken to court to pay it. No matter how much I pay it never seems to go down. I’m going to actually be in jail probably tomorrow for the crime of being poor. Will miss my oldest daughters birthday and my one week at Christmas. My three year old has spent a small percentage of her life actually with me. Why are we hurting our kids. I can do some time but my girls will suffer greatly from missing our time together. They are both daddy’s girls and it sucks for them. Why does this continue to be the way?

    Comment by Chris C | December 3, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Chris,
      First, sorry to hear about your situation. Nobody can say exactly why the system is biased against fathers, but it has been for going on six decades. There are several issues we think stackes the deck against NC Fathers, and the first glaring one is that lawyers make lots and lots of money from parents when they fight for 18 years and the NC Bar Association and American Bar Association thwart any talk of leveling the playing fields. The second glaring issue is that the State of NC actually receives federal money on the amount of child support they collect, and that money is then used to pay for social services programs for which the State has no other way to pay. So the best way to collect more federal funds is to collect more child support. The quickest way to collect more child support is to put as much distance between fathers and children as possible.

      In addition to lawyers, there are very well funded and super powerful lobby groups that have been around for six decades who demand women and children centered courts. They sway elections, and there is no lobby for non-custodial fathers and families. Until this changes, fathers like you will get the short end of the stick.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | December 3, 2012 | Reply

  26. My husband is a wonderful father and stepfather. He is going through so much with his ex-wife and seeing his kids. He has done everything a responsible father should since the day he left the marriage. Paid the house payment so his kids could stay in there home, got everything they needed for school the list goes on and on. The courts don’t take any if that into in to play when it came to child support. He went to court last year and the court ordered him to make a payment directly to her and she was to make the house payment and all household bills out of that payment that was not deemed child support and she did not make a house payment and the house went into foreclosure. When he took her back to court the judge ordered him to see what he could do to catch the house payment up not her and nothing was done to her she just got to keep the money. He went back to court to have child support set and she asked for back support and was given 7000.00 in back support and given 1500.00 a month support and gets to claim both kids on her taxes and said it was bad for the kids to stay with us in Sunday night and us take them to school because they have to get up a half hour earlier than if they was with her so one of his nights was taken away. His oldest son is 17 has a truck that he can drive anywhere but our house. She also does no driving we go get them on Friday and take them back to her on Sunday night. Tell me how this can happen?

    Comment by Dawn | December 20, 2012 | Reply

    • Dwwn, welcome to NC Fathers and for commenting. We hope you will join our Mailing List and Facebook Page to be a part of change. Explaining how this can all happen is simple:

      • Lawyers make TONS of Money when parents fight for 18 years. Making the system about inequality ensures fighting and rich lawyers
      • By your husband paying $1500,00 a month in child support, he also triggers $1500,00 a month in federal money back to NC to pay for low income assistance programs. Research Title IV-D of the Social Security Act.
      • There are organizations that have been around since the 1970′s who have a lot of members, funding, and power. Because of the power, they have a lot of lobbying potential. These organizations demand women and children centered courts at the demise of fathers, step-mothers, paternal grandmothers, step-siblings, and paternal aunts and uncles.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | December 20, 2012 | Reply

  27. I think if the deck is stacked against fathers, particularly those not married, then there has to be an alternate route to get the family court to focus on fairness. Paying tons of money over the course of 18 years isn’t the trick. Has anyone given thought to bringing a suit against the adoption agencies, so-called “house” homes and the state licensing agency that are the source of “trafficking” our children into the system in the first place? How many fathers have been mistreated by these so-called caregivers and adoption agencies who fail to notify fathers of their rights? Certainly negligence is an issue.

    Comment by Concerned Grandfather | February 1, 2013 | Reply

  28. I just feel it’s amazing that the father of my two year old daughter and the only one around for my other children is in jail because the courts don’t care if there are kids involved or if they have a job that they support their family with is lost just because he is on a medication that the judge doesn’t like the system is flawed at best so thanks for destroying our lives all 5 of them

    Comment by Kelly | February 12, 2013 | Reply

  29. Interesting story concerning a father’s experience in Wake County Family Court

    https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups#%21topic/alt.support.divorce/n4j_ljUeEGA

    The Hidden Hardship in Family Law

    What do Microsoft and the practice of Family Law have in common?

    Both are in industries that make a lot of money for attorneys feeding
    from their offal.
    Last year, over $8 billion was paid to attorneys who practice Family
    Law.

    Jilted spouses and abandoned plaintiffs will readily concede that they
    were worth every dime. Who can argue when the battle is joined in the
    interests of providing for the reasonable needs of the marital
    children?

    The conflict is often a titanic struggle. To the victor goes the
    spoils.

    Lawyers skilled in the fine art of discovery lay open the financial
    affairs of private individuals and arrange them on a platter with all
    the flair of a master chef. Opposing attorneys agree to argue, for an
    advance retainer, the benefits of orthodontics, the requirement of
    psychological counseling, the long-term effects of fecal-retention
    syndrome, and the doubtful merits of Missy’s horseback riding lessons.

    Before you know it, you’ve run up a hefty six figure legal bill and a
    visitation schedule that is more complex than the 1991 battle plans
    for “Operation Desert Storm”.

    I should know. My ex-spouse’s divorce tagged me for nearly $120,000
    in legal and professional fees. It destroyed two professional
    practices and cost me my job at a third. The action followed me for
    six years from North Carolina to California then back to Pennsylvania.
    It froze my bank accounts, my investment accounts, my pension
    accounts, and resulted in the cancellation of $1.2 million in life
    insurance trusts for the benefit of my children.

    Much to their misfortune, those events are going to adversely affect
    the welfare of my children for the rest of their lives.

    It is a system gone badly awry.

    The tactics long-employed by pugnacious law firms but previously
    reserved for drug cartels have become so effective in Family Court
    matters that they were recently adopted by the United States
    government in order to apprehend high-profile corporate criminals and
    foreign terrorists.

    Somebody ought to put the interests of the family back in Family Law.

    That’s hard to do in states where Attorney Generals are stumping for
    re-election, where the legislators in many states are attorneys, where
    member firms support the local legal society, where judges who were
    once attorneys at these member firms establish case law and precedent,
    and when there’s so darn much money to be made.

    It is a regular feeding frenzy. The participants in Family Court
    actions are not only viewed as cannon fodder but also as a recurring
    source of legal fees. Are you an attorney looking to buy another
    vacation home? Just file half-a-dozen motions this afternoon. Are
    private school tuition payments due for your children? Pull out your
    “out-of-state dads” file and go for a few default judgments.

    The stock boom of the 1990′s did more than increase the size of many
    marital estates. It also increased the motivation of parties in this
    now flagging economy to defend a right to their fair share of the
    spoils. Even if the spoils no longer exist.

    Although the stock market Crash of 2000 may likely be remembered for
    the torrid cash burn rates that preceded the Internet Bubble’s “busted
    flush”, the practice of Family Law appears to be flourishing. In
    fact, it has become a veritable billing field.

    The children are the innocent casualties.

    Parenting, as I knew it before my divorce, was a shared
    responsibility. It still is. Somewhere along the way, the courts
    appear to have ruled that only a father had the responsibility to
    support the children. This seems odd, particularly when
    college-educated, income-producing women often play an active role in
    managing the fuse on their biological clocks.

    When a mother who has neatly painted herself into the “I am a victim
    of the other woman” corner goes to court, at what point does she
    become responsible for financially supporting the children and
    accountable for carrying out a legal vendetta that results in the
    total destruction of the family father figure?

    Justifiably, some deadbeat dads need to be drawn and quartered. Their
    children will one day become future citizens, taxpayers, and more
    likely than not, parents of the same. Somebody needs to discipline
    these dads about their financial responsibilities. If you can’t
    support your children, you shouldn’t have them.

    The same goes for women.

    The recent perp walks by deadbeat dads and their public spanking not
    only reinforced the notion of the FBI’s mastery in solving domestic
    crime, but it also made moms everywhere feel good.

    The return to “family values” momentarily appeased even those who were
    disappointed in the efforts of the CIA, NSA, FBI, and combined United
    States Armed Forces to locate and apprehend Osama bin Laden.
    Victimized spouses short on shopping funds and long on their credit
    cards agree that nailing those domestic terrorists masquerading as
    deadbeat dads was good for the country.

    And it taught all a lesson that American soccer moms, comfortably
    ensconced in their SUV’s and standing firmly behind their bulldog
    attorneys at local Family Courts, are not to be trifled with or taken
    lightly.

    I had no idea of any of this in 1962 as I fervently recited the
    “Pledge of Allegiance” in Mrs. Reed’s 4th grade class. Even those
    “get under the desk, close your eyes, and turn away from the window”
    drills for that extra margin of safety in a nuclear blast provided no
    hint of the scorched earth tactics that would be used against me
    during my divorce thirty-five years later.

    These days, a new legal landscape has been carved out of the heart of
    this once-fine country.

    I asked my mom, now age 77 and who single-handedly raised five
    children after my dad died of a heart attack after nine years of
    battling kidney failure, how she would have faired if the specter of
    legal blather from Family Law attorneys were added to her pile. She
    replied, “Honey, the Family Law industry didn’t exist when your dad
    and I were married. We never knew anyone who needed the counsel of an
    attorney in handling a divorce. That’s what friends were for.”

    My, how times have changed.

    Today I am nearly penniless and barely breathing after the nightmare
    of the last six years. Even the U.S. government’s legal spat with
    Microsoft’s ambition of owning the computing world was resolved in
    less time.

    The results of my seventeenth hearing in the North Carolina Family
    Court system on August 5, 2002, now attorney “pro se” because I can no
    longer afford to pay for one, left me feeling as though I’d been
    teleported to a pro-Taliban high counsel in Kandahar wearing an
    American flag and a “kick me” sign.

    These days, a totally different dynamic is in place in most family
    court systems where any semblance of justice has been tainted by
    biased judges, greedy attorneys, and intractable ex-spouses. Can
    anyone explain to me how the tactics of these individuals are
    different from al Qaida who have pledged Jihad?

    Although the scandal within the Family Court system erupted a long
    time ago, the results currently meted out by some Courts have become
    more lop-sided than a Duke University v. Radnor High School
    basketball game and nearly as predictable as Big Ten officiating.

    It is no surprise that the stink in some courtroom decisions suggests
    the process has even become more corrupt and dirtier than politics.

    Yet these metaphors do not hold a candle when describing the “home
    court” advantage afforded Wake County residents in the North Carolina
    Family Court system. Particularly when the opponent is an
    out-of-state dad wearing a scarlet letter “A” on his jersey and who
    lied about it his first appearance in court.

    Am I the only individual in the country who was ashamed to admit such
    an indiscretion and a breach of the “for better or for worse” marital
    vows?

    Right. I thought as much. When a partnership fails, there is more
    than enough fault to go around.

    Caught in the undertow of an unforgiving stock market, an unmercifully
    harsh economic climate, and a job market that exists only in the minds
    of a few, I still paid child support. Only after depleting all of my
    savings and exhausting all other alternatives, I filed a “Motion to
    Reduce” child support in September, 2001.

    I needed the reduction for several reasons.

    Three years is a long time for a brutal bear market.

    My misplaced belief in the “independent” advice of Morgan Stanley’s
    Mary Meeker, Merrill Lynch’s Henry Blodgett, and Gruntal’s Joe
    Battapaglia caught me flat-footed when the bottom fell out of the
    market. The doubtful veracity of corporate financial results filed
    with the SEC and the talking heads on CNBC added fuel to the fire and
    incinerated in a few short months a net worth that had taken thirty
    years to build.

    My average income for the last three years has been $14,000. I have
    no house, a negative net worth, and drive a car with 170,000 miles on
    the odometer. Although the utilities are current, I have not had the
    money to pay rent for several months.

    After retaining an executive counseling firm, applying to over 6,000
    jobs, paying nearly $20,000 in job hunting expenses, and taking
    interviews in eight different states without an offer, I had run out
    of money.

    Newspaper headlines across the country seemed to agree that the
    economy had also run out of jobs.

    It just simply was not possible to pay $2,000 per month in child
    support for four children and an additional $350 or so for medical
    expenses on what I was making. Those amounts were more than I earned.
    How was I to pay for visitation expenses? How was I to live? How
    was I to render unto Caesar the requisite federal and state income
    taxes?

    Even when the children were with me for the summer, I still had to pay
    child support to their mother. Does that make sense to anyone?

    My ex-spouse was a college graduate, had in excess of $600,000 in
    assets, a house that was fully paid for, and an income producing job
    that paid her $21,000 this past year. She also had in me an ex-spouse
    who drove over 40,000 miles the last three years to visit his four
    children during the one weekend per month permitted by the court. When
    times were better, I had paid over $110,000 in previous child support,
    alimony, and medical reimbursements.

    You should have heard her howling in court the moment after the judge
    dismissed my motion for temporary reprieve. Her invective-laced
    sobbing accompanied by screams of relief made you wonder about her
    motives during her victory lap.

    The choreography was superb.

    It was a public display of a hate so criminal that it should have been
    jailed. It froze the bailiff in his tracks and stunned the gallery in
    the court. The judge waved a finger at me and said: “If you say one
    word, ONE WORD, you are going down.”

    How appropriate it occurred in North Carolina, land of lynching
    repute.

    The judge’s ruling was based on the Wolf case that was decided by the
    North Carolina Court of Appeals on July 16, 2002.

    In that appellate case, the court refused to modify support determined
    on the basis of an individual’s earning capacity instead of his actual
    income.

    How that case applied to me was anybody’s guess. I had logged over
    2,000 hours looking for additional work in the aftermath of my job
    termination through sanctioned Family Court action, the Stock Market
    Crash of 2000, the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, and the
    longest recession on record since the Great Depression. I provided
    over 1,500 pages of job listings, emails, rejection letters, and many
    of the financial documents that supported my efforts to demonstrate
    that my circumstances had indeed changed.

    Surely some form relief was warranted.

    Like many American citizens these days, I was involuntarily
    underemployed, not unemployed. So too were hundreds of thousands of
    other well-educated individuals in the wakes of the Enron, Arthur
    Andersen, Adelphia, World Com, and Tyco debacles. So were those
    individuals laid off or who had their hours reduced from nearly every
    major company in the United States. The sectors included the telecom,
    airline, investment banking, venture capital, and brokerage industries
    and nearly every other as companies downsized and attempted to “cut”
    their way to a profit.

    Equally unemployed were many of the good citizens of North Carolina,
    which, according to the September 2002 Bureau Labor of Statistics had
    one of the highest unemployment rates in the country.

    But if anybody was wondering about the justice for out-of-state dads
    in the North Carolina Family Court system, well now, there is no
    longer any need to wonder.
    There is simply no justice for out-of-state dads where the North
    Carolina Family Courts are concerned. The recent decision in my
    hearing rendered by the Wake County Family Court judiciary has cast
    doubt upon the veracity of their entire legal system.
    The court once again deviated from their own guidelines for support
    and ordered me to pay $2,000 per month plus all medical. How is such
    a decision possible for a dad with no home, no net assets, and no
    money?

    There is, of course, much more to the story.

    The Wake County North Carolina Family Court system feeds those who
    make their living frequenting the court rooms on the 8th and 9th
    floors and the judge’s chambers. In fact, the system exists to feed
    itself. Attorneys with their over-sized legal bills always stand at
    the front of the line.

    The system takes money from their dad and gives it to their mom with
    virtually no accountability. Despite the overly generous amounts I
    have paid in child support, their mother has been starving them. She
    testified she spends $350 per month on food for one adult, three
    teenagers, and an eleven year-old. She has made them buy their own
    clothes, intercepted my letters to them, withheld their “CARE”
    packages, and routinely made them unavailable for visitation.

    On one occasion, I flew from California to North Carolina for my
    court-approved visitation only to find the house dark and empty. Her
    boyfriend had taken my kids and her to a concert.

    I will be the first to say that she has been a real pain.

    During the last six years, I have appeared in front of three different
    judges in the North Carolina Courts as an out-of-state dad in what has
    now become seventeen hearings. I have lost every one: the fourteen I
    had when I could afford an attorney and the three that I had when I
    could not.

    I have appeared in court by flying six times from San Francisco, a
    5,600 mile round trip, and by driving eleven times from Philadelphia,
    an 850 mile, sixteen hour drive.

    That’s 33,600 miles of flying and 9,350 miles of driving to attend
    Family Court hearings. Three hearings were continued. On one
    occasion, although the Plaintiff’s attorney appeared, the Plaintiff
    did not, hoping for the convenience of a default judgment.

    It gets better.

    I filed the Motion for Change in Circumstance on September 30, 2001.
    Although the Plaintiff and her attorney appeared in court on November
    26, 2001, they requested additional time and the judge granted their
    motion. One more wasted drive. The plaintiff’s attorney took my
    telephone number and deftly handed me his business card with the
    invitation to call so we could coordinate our schedules.

    But all I got from his secretary when I called was that he didn’t have
    his calendar with him. Apparently, ever.

    During the next 210 days, the Plaintiff’s attorney refused to answer
    any of my correspondence or take any of my telephone calls to discuss
    the case. Seven months later, having failed to obtain my day in
    court, I filed a complaint with the North Carolina State Bar citing
    unethical behavior on the part of the attorney. I provided copies of
    my phone records to the law office where I left nearly a dozen
    different messages as well as certified mailing receipts. After a
    pro-forma investigation, the North Carolina State Bar determined there
    was no basis for my claim.

    During the June 3, 2002 hearing which was again continued to a later
    date, the Plaintiff’s attorney told the Court I had been in Raleigh,
    North Carolina visiting my children and that I had hardly been
    inconvenienced by driving 850 miles for the scheduled hearing.

    It was a lie, and of course, I told the judge so. I had the toll
    booth receipts in my car from that morning’s 425 mile drive. The Ft.
    McHenry tunnel receipt in Baltimore, Maryland and exactly one hundred
    miles outside of Philadelphia is nearly one-quarter of the way to
    Raleigh, the capital of the Tar Heel state and home of the infamous
    Wake County Family Court.

    I pointed to the attorney and called him a liar. The judge told me to
    sit down and shut up or I was going to jail.

    Properly chastised, I filed a second complaint with the North Carolina
    State Bar against the Plaintiff’s attorney citing the lie. I also
    provided copies of toll booth receipts for the Delaware Turnpike and
    Ft. McHenry tunnel. After a second pro-forma investigation, the North
    Carolina State Bar determined there was no basis for my claim.

    “No foxes in this henhouse,” said the fox.

    On August 5, 2002, over eleven months after I filed my motion, the
    case was heard. How Pollyannaish was it of me to think that justice
    might be blind? But then again, perhaps it was merely short-sighted.

    The plaintiff’s attorney reveled in my job misfortunes and my failure
    to produce a greater income. Theoretically, I should be making a much
    higher wage as an MBA and CPA. It didn’t matter that fifty year old
    MBA’s were a dime a dozen or that thousands of CPA’s were out of work.

    Reasonable people would agree that hypothetical earnings should not
    count for much unless child support can also be paid with hypothetical
    dollars. They have learned that lesson from World Com’s smorgasbord
    of income manipulation that hid over $9 billion in real operating
    losses with theoretical accounting adjustments.

    The attorney on the other side of the aisle objected to substantially
    all of the evidence I attempted to enter into the court record. The
    judge largely agreed. He didn’t want to slog through the more than
    1,500 pages of discovery I had been asked to provide. Besides, he was
    on his way to lunch with another judge, and clearly had no time,
    patience, or sympathy for an underemployed, out-of-state dad.

    He instructed me to pick one of the documents and he would allow that
    document into evidence.

    After his lunch, in no uncertain terms, he denied my claim for relief.
    He also denied the Plaintiff’s claim for legal fees. The judge also
    instructed the Plaintiff’s attorney to draft a proposed order and mail
    it to the applicable parties for review.

    Five days after I received the proposed order, I provided an
    alternative proposed order. I faxed it to the judge and mailed it via
    first class mail to the Plaintiff’s attorney.

    A week later, with neither order entered by the court, imagine my
    dismay to find a new “Motion to Show Cause” in my mailbox. A nice
    transmittal letter was attached. It stated there would be other
    follow-on motions filed by the Plaintiff’s attorney. Although readily
    admitting the recent order had not been entered in court, they also
    demanded their legal fees. My estimate of their fees for this action
    was something on the order of $8-12,000.

    I could spend 100% of my time just answering their motions and driving
    back and forth to court. How does that benefit my children?

    Unfortunately for the attorney involved, he also should also have
    requested a peer review by the North Carolina State Bar since many of
    the dates in the new motion citing previous orders were wrong. They
    even cited references to 1993 court orders pertaining to my case. I
    was still married in 1993 and at least four years away from the
    receipt of their first legal letter.

    It is absolutely amazing the kind of legal drivel you can churn out
    with a good secretary and word processor. The regularity of these
    harrassive motions, unlike the regularity of a good bowel movement, is
    enough to torture my honest soul. But if this is what Alan Greenspan
    had in mind the day he begrudgingly acknowledged an increase in
    productivity, then will somebody please take me back to the Stone Age?

    I filed my third complaint to the North Carolina State Bar as a result
    of this new motion which appeared to be crafted from some prior,
    unknown, but “it’s stored-on-the-computer-so-let’s-use-it” filing.

    The toxic forum provided for out-of-state dads by the Wake County
    North Carolina Family Court System has all but strangled the life out
    of me. While it has been a regular ATM machine for the attorneys and
    law firms involved, it has taken its toll on all of us. What remains
    of “the family”, the children included, is weary of the process.

    I have never seen such a wholesale destruction of wealth in my
    lifetime.

    A sympathetic police chief and friend of long stature tracked me down,
    wondering why those whose company we once enjoyed had not heard from
    me. For years.

    I provided him with the 10,000 foot “fly-by” version of my story.
    With good intentions, he offered a remarkably simple solution. “One of
    my deputies is going through a divorce. I suggested the 20-50 plan:
    pay $20K for a Harley and $50 for a sleeping bag. You need to serve
    me? Then find me.”

    That, of course, works for awhile. As long as you don’t have kids
    that you’re just madly in love with that are held hostage by some
    Family Court order. I had ruled that option out years ago. Besides,
    these days, I couldn’t afford to pay for even a used Vespa.

    “But child support is based on income. They can’t take more than you
    make.”

    In North Carolina, oh yes they can.

    Although a simple class in “Economics 101″ will convince you that you
    cannot spend money you do not have, the laws in the North Carolina
    Family Courts appear to condone deficit spending.

    They most certainly tolerate the legal shenanigans that lead to such
    troubling decisions.

    This past summer, my oldest daughter filled a backpack with her
    precious things, called a cab from her mother’s home, and took the
    train out of Raleigh to live with her dad. She attends public school
    in Philadelphia. It marked a turning point in her life where the
    detritus of her mother’s unfettered enmity towards her father finally
    drove her away. In a few short years, her siblings may follow.

    I don’t know that I would have had the courage at age 17 to make such
    a decision.

    She is doing very well, thank you, without the benefit of the faulty
    vision of the North Carolina Family Court judiciary system. The
    recent motions filed by her mother conspicuously omit the fact that
    the oldest daughter has been living with her dad for the last five
    months.

    This year I have worked four jobs: as a web site writer, as an
    accountant, a handyman, and a painter. I celebrated my 50th birthday
    on September 17, 2002 at the top of a twenty-eight foot ladder
    painting the trim on a warehouse in Pottstown, Pennsylvania.

    I have been reduced to selling personal items on eBay in order to pay
    for some of the past due child support. Holiday and birthday gifts
    may have to wait a few years. Be sure you bookmark my auctions. I
    would greatly appreciate it.

    I am still battling with the Internal Revenue Service over the
    exemption for the children. My ex-spouse mistakenly believes she is
    entitled to take them as dependency exemptions on her income tax
    return and has done so since 1998. She earned no money and received
    the appropriate amount of child support. Although I have been a
    practicing CPA the last 24 years, I simply am incapable of
    understanding the IRS’s reasoning.

    It is a darn shame that I am still required by North Carolina to pay
    an ex-spouse child support for a child who is no longer living with
    her. Especially since my daughter has SAT’s and college application
    fees coming up.

    Don’t even start with me about how I plan to pay for her college.

    The punishment to my daughter does not fit the crime. In fact, she
    committed no crime. She simply loves her dad. And I need her. She has
    been a delight in my life. One day, all my kids will somehow grow up
    and make their own decisions. Yours will too.

    Wherever I live, the “Welcome” mat for my children is always out.

    But what do you do about “Hairbow” hate crimes still hiding behind the
    skirts of Family Court systems? It is indeed unfortunate for the
    civilized members of society that the judges and bottom-feeders at the
    Family Court trough have yet to realize that they have exacerbated the
    problem. In North Carolina, there is currently no “family” in the
    Family Courts.

    Indeed, the courts in North Carolina appear to have targeted the
    wholesale destruction of the once sacred institution of fatherhood.

    They have certainly confiscated its dignity.

    I am now “on the record” with my opinion that North Carolina is a
    state that more closely resembles a Dante’s “Inferno” that has shaken
    my belief in the judicial system to its core. Family Court is little
    more than a country road game of chicken where attorneys are driving
    eighteen-wheelers and out-of-state dads are riding bicycles.

    The credibility of those courts is in tatters as a result of the
    disconnect between Family Court decisions and an ability to pay.

    You must give that matter some serious thought before you consider
    moving to North Carolina. It can be a nice place to visit. But would
    you really want to live there

    Comment by Navin R. Johnson | March 6, 2013 | Reply

  30. The mother of my 3 grand children has temp. Custody. Following an investigation by dss, she placed the children in a relatives home. Dss told my son that this was her choice and they would not get involved in custody issues. My son had to hire a lawyer to get the case in front of a judge to get temp.custody of his children. Dss has already been served with papers but the mother hasn’t been able to be served yet. Any recommendations?

    Comment by Shari | March 24, 2013 | Reply

    • Shari, thanks for commenting. Your story is very similar, DSS can’t by law get involved in custody cases and from what you have told us it sounds like just that. All you can do is hire an atty, let him/her try to find the mother and get your case in front of a Judge assuming you don’t go broke first.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 24, 2013 | Reply

  31. I would like to know why the laws in North Carolina aren’t changed to assist the Father’s in the majority of these cases? It appears that the court systems in North Carolina are made up of very BIAS JUDGES that said with the mother/girlfriend whether she is fit or unfit. This is wrong on so many levels. I have never seen such bias by any judicial system than here in North Carolina. I will begin a petition to get this law changed or at best get these biased judges dismissed.

    Comment by Toni | June 6, 2013 | Reply

  32. My “first-hand experience” is too extensive to cover all here. Suffice it to say that I have been battling alone for 13 1/2 yrs now…. battling to pursue and protect my parental rights even WITH a joint custody order in place. First round lasted over 2 years. I went through 3 Attorneys and in the end, represented myself and won. Five years later, I had to hire another attorney to file Motion of Contempt – the mother and her dad doing all they could to poison those kids against. Another two years, another $12k and I got 90% of my petition requests granted through the courts. Now is time for round three – the mother is yet again attempting to deny my contact with the children…. I called the County Sheriff’s Office yesterday to perform a Welfare Check since I haven’t been able to contact the kids now for three weeks. Deputies acted as if it was a major inconvenience to do their job….

    My plans are to file Motion to Show Cause as to why the mother should not be held in contempt of the court ordered custody arrangement, probably request yet another (the third) psychological evaluation and file Parental Alienation of Affection suit against her and her father… it’s called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and North Carolina is one of the few states that hear those types of cases. My legal research into this issue just beginning. I have literally lost everything to pursue my rights as a Dad; at least $500k over the course of this needless and harmful process. I will be preparing this case on my own because I doubt that legal aid will offer any aid to me. Broke. Full time college student now trying to re-tool myself for a second life career. Oh and I spent two months in jail while I was waiting to have my Motion to Modify my child support heard…. from $80k/ a year to under $15k/ year. I was in College, receiving GI BILL VRAP and PELL funding to return to school. The Child Support Judge chastised me for going back to college. I felt returning to college was my best option as I have been substantially unemployed since 2010. Since the Courts could not legally take my education funding (yes, before being incarcerated, I had begun paying towards my child support obligation, just not as much as they wanted)

    Comment by Donald Moore | August 7, 2013 | Reply

  33. I am new to North Carolina. I dropped everything in my life and moved from New Jersey to North Carolina as soon as I found out my girlfriend (who was going to school in Chapel Hill) was pregnant with our child. We moved to Asheville and I worked very hard for two years to love and support our family. I paid all the bills, was saving money to propose to my girlfriend, and was elated with every moment that I spent with our son. But three months ago my girlfriend literally walked up and told me that she didn’t love me anymore. That’s it, no further explanation, and moved out a few weeks later.

    Since then I have tried everything to put my family back together to no avail. So for three months I have had my son for 50% of the time on a rotating weekly schedule. This is sickening. I love my son. I still love the girl who walked out on me. But she continues to exhibit a sense of entitlement and disrespect of my role as a father. Every so often she will threaten me with filing for child support, or taking me to court for custody of our son.

    I have been trying to learn NC’s custody laws but they are a little confusing to me. I have spoken to a few lawyers but they have recommended that I NOT file for joint custody. To my understanding, having my son 50% of the time is the best I can ever expect in my situation. If I file for joint custody a primary residence will have to be established, and in most cases, that will go to the mother. I could also lose time with my son if this happens.

    So I pose three questions:

    1. Even though my child still lives with me for 50% of the time (I still have to provide food, shelter, diapers, wipes, clothing, and half of daycare money) can she still take me to court for child support?
    2. Is the mother not responsible for these things when our child is with her?
    3. What can I do to ensure that the time I share with my son is not taken away by anyone?

    My son is the only reason I am in North Carolina. I have no friends or family here. I refuse to abandon him and can not stand the thought of losing any more time with him than I already have. I also have no malice toward the mother. All I want is my family. All I want is to be is a great father.

    Can anyone tell me what I need to do?

    Comment by alex | September 18, 2013 | Reply

    • Unmarried fathers have even less rights to their children than married fathers. I would recommend checking out this website;

      http://www.rosen.com/forum/

      They have an area where you can post your questions and get a response from an attorney.

      Comment by Navin R. Johnson | September 19, 2013 | Reply

      • I wish you all the best with your situation. As I have mentioned before, North Carolina’s judicial System is still in the dark ages and they don’t care if you’re the best Father/Daddy in the entire state, NC always gives the child to the Mother. Some of these Mother’s are worthless, selfish, self absorbed, neglectful to the children, leave the children to go off with their new lover etc., but NC law will continually give custody to the Mother. This is a travesty and I would advice NO ONE GET MARRIED IN NORTH CAROLINA or GET DIVORCED in NORTH CAROLINA because if your the Father/Daddy you will get taken to the cleaners and screwed to boot. I know this first hand. And if you’re fortunate enough to find a good attorney, they will make you pay out your butt for the rest of your life for them to represent you. I am so disgusted with North Carolina’s dark age mentality it’s sickening. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers because until the laws in North Carolina change or these idiot judges make sound and proper decisions, the Father’s will always be the ones tat lose. Good luck Navin Johnson.

        Comment by FRANCIS DRAKE | September 19, 2013

    • Alex you have a very complex case being a putative father, you need to hire a lawyer ASAP!

      Comment by stompkinsnc | September 27, 2013 | Reply

  34. If I start my own business while I am separated, and no judgement in regards to child support orders have been made. What will the child support payments be based on? I live in NC and she lives in SC.

    Comment by John | September 25, 2013 | Reply

  35. I think it’s sicking how some mothers use their kid as pawns.

    Comment by Monica | September 29, 2013 | Reply

  36. When you get a chance, what would you say to this… Mother of my sons’ response to me discussing visitations, Dr appointments etc. She thinks her intelligence is always gonna look down to me. Please help me come up with a response to her!

    Comment by Fighting dad | October 2, 2013 | Reply

    • I would submit NO reply to her and hire an attorney and let him/her deal with it. Were you and the child’s mother married when the child was conceived/born? If so, you have every legal right to be at the child’s Dr visit. If not, you need to hire an attorney because of the complexity in being a putative father.

      It appears from the letter that the mother is taking control and telling you how you will be a father. Thus, any letter back to her will be futile. Hire an attorney, cease all communications with her, and let your attorney deal with it.

      I will also submit this is the time that women typically make false allegations of domestic violence to secure their winning any custody battles. I suggest never being alone with her, and not communicating with her and hiring an attorney today.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 2, 2013 | Reply

  37. I raised my daughter alone from the time she was 6 months to 2 years old. I was fine with it. I moved on and met a great girl and we had a decent little family going.

    Then my daughters mother comes out of the woodwork needing money to raise the other child she had shortly after we parted ways. I told her I didn’t have money to give her. Next thing I know I’m in court in Randolph County NC, becoming the “non-custodial” parent of the daughter I’d raised this far.

    I did retain 47% visitation, but that’s not good enough. She didn’t even KNOW her mom. She knows the neighbors better for heavens sake. It was my fault for not getting a lawyer. I didn’t think there was a judge on earth who would rule with her mother.

    Her mom gets welfare, I made $80k/yr. I pay her $900/month in child support, even when I have her nearly half the time.

    Then I lost my job due to outsourcing and I file to lower child support, the judge says “you can do better than that”, and tells me child support will stay at $900/mo til we have another hearing on Dec 17th. Even though legally they can’t take the full $900 because it’s more than 40% of my monthly pay, they still take 40% and I still have to raise my child half the time.

    But it gets worse. The unthinkable happens…. Her mom is so angry she won’t be getting paid much that she calls social services and says I’m molesting my own daughter. She has nothing to substantiate this claim, but a DSS agent comes to my house and says I’m not allowed to be alone with my child til they can investigate, which won’t be for 3.5 weeks.

    I meet with them this Thursday.

    I’m worried they will say she is to go to her mothers with me only getting visitation, just so they can collect $ for welfare, and I’m not even making a lot anymore.

    My baby is 4 now, she’ll be 5 in March. And this was never about money for me. My concern is that I won’t be the daily figure in my child’s life that I have been from the beginning. I know nothing inappropriate has happened to my daughter, she would have told me if someone had done something like that to her. But I’ve encountered such a lopsided system so far, that I fear DSS will stick me with minor visitation. NOTHING surprises me with DSS and the courts in NC anymore.

    Pray for me this Thursday and in the coming months.

    Comment by Neil | October 14, 2013 | Reply

    • As far as the Judge overturning your custody, it does not surprise me, but yes you did make a mistake not having a lawyer. I hope you do not speak with social services without one this time because if they see that you do not have one they will draw this out many years and likely try to substantiate this. False allegations are rampant in NC custody hearings against fathers as it’s the perfect tactical weapon as you have seen.

      You also need to read this: http://ncfathers.wordpress.com/2013/09/29/false-allegations-of-child-sexual-assault-molestation-nc/

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 14, 2013 | Reply

  38. 1) Join us on Facebook and learn more about the system and others going through what you are: http://www.facebook.com/ncfathers

    2) Invite other non-custodial parents and their families to join us as well.

    3) Share our posts.

    When we build a significant organization, we are going to turn it into a political advocacy group and start demanding changes via a huge number of voters.

    Comment by stompkinsnc | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  39. If you guys aren’t going to include both posts which were made back to back, & the overall point I was trying to make, then I’m gonna kindly ask you to delete the initial post as well. Thanks

    Comment by Michael Woodson | October 28, 2013 | Reply

    • Michael, we do not approve every comment that is sent to us. If we did this page would have 5,000 comments and it would affect search engine ranking and load time. Your first comment got your point across. We love comments, but to best help you we ask that you use facebook to have conversations and start working on preparations for our rally in Raleigh. I will delete your initial post as asked.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  40. “I’m a dad, not a wallet.” What may prompt millions of non-custodial dads to say this phrase — or at least think
    it? How is it that millions of children of divorce or separation may wonder why they can’t see their beloved Dad, or sometimes Mom, more than 4 to 6 days a month, if that? These are just two of the important questions raised by
    Angelo Lobo, Producer and Director of the full-length documentary “Support? System Down,” which examines problems within the nation’s child support system…

    http://www.cultureunplugged.com/documentary/watch-online/play/11201/SUPPORT–System-Down

    Comment by Navin R. Johnson | October 29, 2013 | Reply

  41. I am having a very hard time with not being able to see my child cause the mother decided after court that she wasn’t bringing her for me to get her to her mothers house where we where told by judge lands to meet to exchange for my court ordered visitation, i need help badly with getting something done… I have done been put in jail and I am about to go again if I don’t pay this child support but i have not seen my daughter in over a year, i have Christmas gifts and birthday cards here in her little pink and yellow room in my home like she is here and is going to receive them any day now. I have been blessed by having another 3 week old little girl but my heart still aches every time i go into her room every holiday every birthday and fathers day. I was initially awarded joint custody the first time we went to court but the judge ordered us to MEDIATION.. the mother didn’t want me to see her at all hardly, i think so she could maximize child support.. so we didn’t come to any agreement sadly, so the second court case came up and my attorney THOMAS HUNN backed out the day before court cause i didn’t have just $500 more dollars to represent me this last time after the fact i sold my home to pay the mortgage off and pocket the $3000 to pay for his First fee’s to begin with, so i had to go to court just myself… THE CRAZY THING is, JUDGE LANDS SAID,and i quote ” I see no evidence that either party be unfit for the child’s well-being” so i got happy cause i thought he was going to award joint custody that i told the court myself that i wanted so that i wasn’t taking my daughter from either me or the mother cause that was not my choice to make quote end quote.. Then all of a sudden, LANDS say’s ” I grant full custody to the mother, and the father should have EVERY OTHER WEEKEND”!! WTF??? i was stunned and now here i am not getting any time with her, the mother living off medicaid to pay for her anti-opiate SUBOXONE’S and me facing jail time for 60 days and with no daughter and treated with no rights.. cant someone help me please??

    thank you all and i am empathetic to your cause, it touched me to the core cause i can relate so much to the injustices.

    Comment by Mark | November 8, 2013 | Reply

  42. I feel this sadness for the men who want to be apart of there children’s life and the mothers are out for blood. I went through a divorce when I was 25 years old and at that time my son was young. I knew that he needed me and his father. His father cheated on me several times and I was a little bitter, but I put our son first in my thoughts. As years went by, my son’s father became my best friend. I simply forgave him; just as we are suppose to do. Now I have a wonderful man in my life and he has been separated from his wife for several years and she cheated on him multiply times and abused him physically and mentally. Yes, women can be like this! This man puts GOD and his children first, so I know he never did anything to hurt her.

    They are 10 years apart in age and she has a lot of growing up to do. This man hardly makes enough to support himself! His wife was a waitress and lied to the courts about how much she made, she has taken bath salt when she thought it was cocaine, which ended her up in the Emergency Room by the morning and that same night called him at 3:00 am in the morning thinking she was going to die. She has called him several times when she was out partying and thought one of her suitors was going to hurt her, so as any gentleman would do, this wonderful man in my life called the local police department to make sure she was okay, even though he had to work the next morning. I could write about 10 pages of what this woman has done to him and her children. Now she wants a divorce and even wants him to pay for her car insurance, legal fees, be given the house and just about everything else. She won’t even allow him to see the kids. He pays support and medical on the kids already. She doesn’t even allow him to talk to the girls, not on father’s day, special holidays or even his birthday.

    I realize there is a lot of dead beat fathers out there, but what about the good ones out there that the courts already have taken there entire pay checks and can’t even afford legal help and the mothers are receiving monthly pay checks from the fathers, there own pay checks and some ever receive help for others, live in boyfriends or from the government! The mothers are able to afford the legal help and will win almost every case! There needs to be a fund out there that helps these good fathers. I know one day, I will find away to help all good fathers who just want to love there children and be apart of their lives, it’s so important for a child to have both parents.

    To Make a Baby ~ You must have been in love with that person or at least had feelings for them? Just a thought!

    Comment by Dee | December 7, 2013 | Reply

  43. I support what it is your are trying to do for non custodial parents that want to be a part of their child’s life. And had I only read this info I would completely support your cause. That being said… many of your members and maybe bloggers seem to have a very one sided view to things and have spoken very abusively to anyone’s experience that is different then theirs.

    I didn’t have a bad relationship with my child’s father. He was not abusive. We didn’t argue. He wasn’t homeless our a drug addict or wasn’t working. Things just weren’t meant to be and after the split I find out I’m pregnant. By then he has a new girlfriend. When my daughter is born, they have just moved in together. He tells me absolutely he wants to be in his daughters live. But he forgot to mention to the girlfriend he had a baby on the way. I told him I didn’t want child support just for him to be a dad. I invited him and his girlfriend over. Because it wasn’t about us. It was about our daughter. He never came. After speaking with her decides he wants to “opt out” of fatherhood. I told him that was his decision but if there was to be no joint custody and he was not going to be a father, then he would pay child support. You dint get off 100% Scott free. Do I hate him? No. Do I hurt for my child because of his decision? Absolutely. If having a child was more then he can handle, then thank you for being honest. But you still have to help care for her because she is a part of you.

    So basically what I’m saying is, press dint judge us all the same. Everyone has a different struggle. Do women and men abuse the system? Yes. Are there parents that use their chosen as pawns? Absolutely. And I dint agree with it. But there are dead beats Pitt there, male and female alike.

    Comment by sarah | December 21, 2013 | Reply

    • Yet you like and support a page that depicts sexual mutilation of men and domestic violence, bans men who have child support complaints?

      Comment by stompkinsnc | December 21, 2013 | Reply

  44. I am a single father to three children cause their mother gave them up due to a drug problem after she left me and moved to north carolina and had another child with an abusive felon now she claims she is clean and wants the kids back even though she gave up custody of her new child and is still living with someone who beat m my kids and their mother in front of them. Any suggestions cause I feel the courts hear are partial to mothers. Also even though she has a job the courts only ordered her to pay 144 a month for three children for child support when I’ve seen men ordered to pay 300 for one child with no job in court.

    Comment by Donald Ayars | February 16, 2014 | Reply

    • The only thing you can do is hire a lawyer and hope for the best. Many fathers opt out of child support because the less time in court you spend the less likely you are to have custody overturned.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | February 17, 2014 | Reply

  45. i need help in finding the right paper work in filing for emergency custody of my 2 daughters.there mother left them with her mother so that she can go moved to south carolina with her fugitive husband.the courts in martin county won’t tell me what papers to file they just keep telling me that i have to have a lawyer and the lawyer wants to charge me 2500 for 20 hours which to me is ridiculous.

    Comment by mikal lee | March 26, 2014 | Reply

    • Unfortunately, we can’t help you with the paperwork because that would be practicing law without a license. And, there is no paperwork for a pro se litigant to file an ex-parte. The system is setup so that you HAVE to use a lawyer.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 26, 2014 | Reply


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