NC Fathers

Preponderance, Domestic Violence, and Child Custody

Preponderance of the evidence, Domestic Violence, and Child CustodyBefore starting our article on Preponderance of the Evidence, Domestic Violence, and Child Custody in the Family Law system, we must inform you that this organization is not a law firm and the writer of this article is not a lawyer. This article should not be taken as legal advise and is for educational purposes only. In this article, we are going to educate you on the relationship to the legal standard of preponderance of the evidence as it relates to domestic violence that is then used in child custody matters within the courts. Additionally, we are going to show how many organizations have found a way to not only monetize the family courts, but also domestic violence and intimate partner abuse. Daily, we get contact from individuals who tell us that they are having a hard time getting increased (or any) visitation with their children because of an allegation of abuse and it’s time that NC non-custodial families learn about the information in this document so that they can protect themselves. Furthermore, I am going to try to make this article as gender neutral as possible because the information herein is used against women sporadically, but it is impossible to overlook the fact that the information contained in this article is primarily affecting fathers and men in North Carolina who are in the family courts, or who have ongoing child custody issues. With that said, anytime an organization who discusses domestic violence and has the word fathers in their organization’s name, it tends to draw a lot of heat from Women’s Rights groups who usually defend themselves by calling us abuse apologist and who want to develop a system by which abuse of women can proliferate.  The reality is, there are a lot of mothers, step-mothers, and sisters of men who experience this daily, and therefore we have to deny that this is a male vs. female issue.

Another take on this article HERE.

Posts related to Preponderance of the Evidence, Domestic Violence, and Child Custody issues in the courts – NC Adoption Crisis

Preponderance of the evidence, Domestic Violence, and Child Custody and what fathers should know

If you are a NC non-custodial family member, or someone who wants to help us bring family law reform, then you can help us by joining our mailing list and Facebook page where you will have the opportunity to collaborate and learn more about us and our goals. Additionally, you can learn more about why we want to bring family law reform by clicking on the red and blue graphic below.

Coalition at University Campus

Domestic Violence

Preponderance Of The Evidence and Domestic Violence Cases

Most people who enter or begin begin the process of divorce or a child custody battle and are not aware that domestic violence cases are NOT prosecuted under the clear and convincing evidence or innocent until proven guilty standards as we have in the criminal courts. Per NC law and federal law (Violence Against Women Act), Domestic Violence is prosecuted under preponderance of the evidence that states a person in North Carolina can be found guilty of violence in domestic situations ABSENT any evidence or witnesses to the fact, and that all a Judge needs to find is 50.01% likelihood that a incident happened. Additionally, it is also important to note that the definition of domestic violence per NC Bar documentation is “Anything that causes another person to feel threatened, or that their life is in imminent harm or death.” Some examples that qualify for domestic violence is a heated argument where both parties yell and scream at each other, or where one party to the argument slams a door. Each day, people in NC go to jail and lose access to their homes, jobs, and children because they have been found guilty of violence where all they did was scream, slam a door, or some other body language that made the other person FEEL threatened. Furthermore, these statistics get sent to Congress and NC Legislators as another violent statistic and many times we feel that these politicians do not realize that these statistics include inappropriate non-violent displays of anger.

It is also important to realize that domestic violence is a very hot button emotional issue that many groups use to fund their organizations or drive political purposes. Every time we hear that someone has been arrested for domestic violence, especially when they are in a child custody battle, we want to emotionally deal with this and assume they hit or beat someone to death when statistically it is likely they did something that another person just felt was violent. An example to help drive this point home is that 30 minutes after 9/11/2001, if anyone in this country were to yell out in public that the two Muslim standing on a corner were terrorist, there would have been an over reaction and response to their demise because of the emotional related to September 11. But with this in mind, because of the laws surrounding domestic violence, all that is needed to bring a violence charge and restraining order is a feeling that your threatened EVEN IF that person making the claim was mutually involved and screaming at the other person and initiated the fight. Under preponderance of the evidence, the case is going to be decided by a Judge even if there is no evidence or witnesses to abuse, and it is likely that this case will be adjudicated as guilty because Judges typically deal with these cases on the “it’s best to be safe than sorry” principle. Although, it is very important to remember that many Judges and Lawyers sit as board members on domestic violence organizations because it looks good politically, and it looks good for that Judge to appear harsh on domestic violence. As more and more convictions are obtained via preponderance of the evidence, the more they can use this issue to propel their re-elections or political aspirations.

Lawyers are another group that loves preponderance of the evidence because the burden of proof is so low, and the definition of abuse is even lower, that it is usually a very easy matter to deal with in the courts and win a case or to ensure that there are hundreds of thousands of people to defend (and bill).

Other groups that benefit from this financially are non-profits who get State and Federal money based on domestic violence statistics. As long as we have domestic violence, we are going to have politicians throwing large amounts of money at this issue which keeps organizations funded, jobs alive, and political aspirations of these organizations going forward. Many people seem shocked when we say this, but organizations like the NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence can’t exists without federal and state money, so they actually need the APPEARANCE of violence to be getting worse. I surely won’t say they enjoy knowing women are being beaten so they can use the statistic to get money, but I will say they LOVE the lowered definition of violence and preponderance of the evidence because it means a lot of statistics that they can push as violence.

We suspect our next assertion will ruffle the feathers of many women, but there is most assuredly a anti-male and anti-father component to domestic violence that is being pushed by radical feminist against your sons, your husbands, your brothers, and your fathers. We are not talking about feminist who want equality for all, we are talking about radical feminist who have a very real hatred for men and who see them all as abusers and oppressors. It is these feminist who are in control of Domestic Violence laws in NC, it is them who got preponderance of the evidence thrown in, and it is them who lowered the definition of violence so low that just about anything can be found to be violence.

Statistics on violence

Domestic Violence and Child Custody Issues

In just about every child custody case these days, there is an obligatory allegation of violence because the accuser knows it puts him/her in good position to win custody. Because our courts are based upon one parent winning, and the other parent losing, after a divorce or breakdown in a relationship where kids exist, both of the parents NEED the other parent to be the most horrible person on the planet so they can win custody and control. Because lawyers know about preponderance of the evidence and the lowered definition of violence, they many times will encourage their client to file this allegation because it will usually stick and be prosecuted successfully. They do this because in any marriage or relationship, parents will have arguments. They will yell, and they will scream, and they will slam doors. It has gotten so bad, if you are going through a divorce in 2013, and there are kids involved, someone will make an allegation of abuse because it is the perfect tactical weapon. The accuser knows that the accused is now labeled and throwing money at a defense for the domestic violence and not focusing on the child custody issue.

In turn, both lawyers for the accuser and accused know that there will be lots of billable hours in this scenario, and that is will likely go on for many many years.

NC Fathers believes that it is unfortunate that child custody cases have devolved to where parents are doing everything possible to win in a custody matter, and we feel that if equally shared parenting was the gold standard and Judges and Lawyers decided fit parentage on how well one parent includes the other parent in everything, we will see a lot less fighting and healthier kids. Unfortunately, this not sit well with the Family Court lawyers, Judges, and Domestic Violence lobby who have all found a way to monetize this process.

It is very likely that is you are a non-custodial parent, step-parent, grandparent, or some other family member, you are the marginalized family because a false allegation of domestic violence was used as a tactical weapon in a child custody matter where preponderance of the evidence was used to convict you, and from there you were removed from your home, belonging, children, and job which started the process of you throwing tons of money at lawyers. Because you were convicted of possibly slamming a door which caused the other parent to feel threatened, you helped the Domestic Violence lobby send another example of why they need more money to stop this process.

NC Fathers encourages comments using the system below, and we especially want to hear from ALL family members in non-custodial families who have faced the information outlined in this article in a child custody matter. We also hope that you will extensively share this article with your family and friends on Google+, Facebook, Twitter, and other social networks.

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May 9, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

8 Comments »

  1. Thank you for this article and being the only people bringing attention to these issues. It is very clear that women can scream abuse knowing that nobody will ask questions to see if domestic violence actually happened and from that they have learned to weaponize this threat which I suspect Judges know all too well what is happening to further the mother take all family courts. We saw this in the Jodi Arias trial and if she can do it undetected for so long, how many more are there that are winning child custody cases using this tactic?

    Comment by Trent Adams | May 10, 2013 | Reply

  2. Well this would explain my child custody case then because it was the most amazing case of lopsidedness I have ever seen where she got to say anything she wanted and I was dismissed. Just more evidence of women winning everything and men being the whipping boys to the process.

    Comment by Carl Marsh | May 10, 2013 | Reply

  3. I had a lawyer one time tell me that preponderance of the evidence and VAWA laws were designed to build a corporation around domestic violence where professional feminist use this heartfelt issue to drive public policy around their bigotry. So there are layers who do see this happening.

    Comment by Danny W | May 10, 2013 | Reply

    • Danny, I have no doubt that there are MANY lawyers and judges who see this happening. Our problem is that none of them are saying or doing anything about it because they are benefiting financially and politically from it. It will continue to be a problem until either they get hit with it or someone they love gets hit with it.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | May 10, 2013 | Reply

  4. Do you think if men were to pick up the phone every time a woman yells or slams a door that she would be arrested for domestic violence and lose access to her children? NO! This entire scheme is build around male only abusers by which we are denigrated for the greater good of women and children and you are correct others have found a way to use this to make money and further ideological agendas. I am not advocating that men start making false allegations and playing the system like mothers do, just pointing out the very obvious bias.

    Comment by Sky | May 10, 2013 | Reply

  5. I have 4 grandchildren by my son and my daughter…have been simultaneously in seperate custody cases involving domestic violence accusations. To be impartial is not an option nor would you be believed by either side should you claim to be so. I sincerely doubt it is possible to be fair regardless of how hard you try. When you accept someone as your child, they become a strong and viable part of the family. When the decision is made by a couple to dissolve that connection and the battle begins you realize you have an insight to a situation that in the end feels like the scene from ‘Sophie’s Choice. You try to decide which will be the best choice to sustain that family unit safely and securely. You would hope that no one you love would or could harm another especially a child, you want it to be true with all your heart. It just isn’t true. If you are screaming at another person, slamming doors, enlisting the children to take sides or pick you then you are being abusive…period. What are you 12? You are a parent, you decided you would be a parent. You vowed to support another person until death and if you were still living there 100% of you finances would be for supporting the children not a minimal penalty. If a man or woman (in this economy usually both and more than one job each) works the hours needed to support a child today, let’s say 48 to 60 per week, then deducted the hours of sleep, 56 to 65, household chores to maintain the home, 56 to 65, appointments for the welfare of the family, 8 to 12 and personal time for yourself, 8 to 15, other family and friend members, 8 to 15 and feeding and grooming, 28 to 32, well added together this untested amount of hours comes to 212 to 264 hours per week. Divided by 2 equals 112 to 132 per parent. Since one week is equivalent to 168 hours that would only leave at most 56 hours to spend together as a family unit, one on one and together. Notice that in my untested values I have not allowed for emergencies or unexpected events. Split that in half is 28 hours per parent to actually spend time together, enjoy one another, love and thank GOd for each other.

    Comment by roscoe | March 26, 2014 | Reply

  6. If you need a forum to support your gripes about child support and bias please pick something other than domestic violence. Truth is you really should be concentrating all that aggressive blabber about how the real bias is that its whoever has the most money and connections to a good lawyer wins their case if that’s what you want to call it…now there’s a forum I could get on board with. Parents, children and noncustodial members of this horror show are victims, real victims of domestic violence. Of course its better safe than sorry but I have yet to meet a judge worth his salt that couldn’t spot one without even trying. And more times than not I have seen such tactics blow up in the accusers face, even those I suspected to be true. It would seem by this article and the responses to it that the judges and magistrates involved are either corrupt or stupid. Perhaps that the legislation was written to put money in their pockets? I would strongly disagree if that is your intentions here. When you are standing before the court, knowing that by just being there you are jeopardizing your life and all you can dare to hope for is a piece of paper and ten days until you’re once more forced to do it again, then you can complain that these laws and its administration are biased. I firmly believe you should remove this article….its just wrong.

    Comment by roscoe | March 26, 2014 | Reply

    • roscoe, I understood maybe 1/4th of what you said and I think you drew in much more than what the article says. It is an article pointing out that preponderance of the evidence is used in domestic violence courts instead of innocent until proven guilty.

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 26, 2014 | Reply


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