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Why are there so many absent Fathers in NC?
Please join our low volume ANNOUNCEMENTS ONLY mailing list so that when it comes time to notify you of pending legislation as it relates to Non-Custodial Fathers and Family Members we will have a way to contact you. Also, as we contact NC Legislators advocating on your behalf, we will send their responses to this list so that you can stay informed at the next election on who supports or does NOT support your desire to see and parent your child equally.
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i have made mistakes i have paid for them. but you baby daughter of mine are not one of them. i am trying to do the right thing and the cards have been stacked against me. i love you baby girl i will not stop fighting..
I have been falsely accused of hurting my children and prove my innocence in court. My childrens mother still received a 50-b against me. I have proof that she is the one that has been hurting our children, and my children are now with me but not legally. Even though my ex says she can’t take care of them anymore and me and my fiance are willing to, I still have been unable to file for emergency custody(my children ARE in danger with her) and received food stamps or medicaid for them. My ex still receives STATE assistance even though she has not seen our children in over a month. What ever happened to “Whats best for the children?” I will go to jail to protect my kids, BUT SHOULD I HAVE TO?
Jamie, 50B orders are very important for Judges because they bring a lot of praise and attention politically from the EXTREMELY well funded Domestic Violence lobby groups. NC Fathers believes that tens of thousands of false domestic violence allegations proceed to conviction so that Judges appear strong financially and continue to receive support from lobby groups. Also, Judges know that hopeful custodial others use these allegations as weapons in court, and the Judges are all too happy to allow it.
I have friend who is a wonderful father, His son mother want allow him to see him.She recently made a false child abuse report on him that the case got close because they found that the information is false. She had a doctor write a report on the father saying he was abusing the child when he has not seen the child since August of 2011. The Child mother God mother is a Judge. So when he went to court to show all his documents showing he was a good father and she be lieng on him the judge still order supervise visitation because that’s what the mother wanted, but it seems as the judges are working in her favor because of her god mother so what is a parent to do then.
Joce,
Yea, it is a common tactic for custodial parents, or hopeful custodial parents to make false domestic violence claims, or abuse claims because it draws so much attention. And, it’s very helpful for Judges to allow false allegations to proceed to conviction for political purposes.
What is a father to do in that case and it really not helping him by her god mother being a judge and helping her case out.
Joce,
If you have verifiable proof that a Judge is using his/her authority to bring about a favorable result in another case, then your best option is to make a formal complaint with the NC Judicial Standards Commission, contact your local Representatives and Senators, and use the media.
My son’s mother has kept him out of my life since before he was born. I have met him only twice, when he was 8, Recently he found me on Facebook and wanted to get to know me. His mom blocked all messages between us. I’m not asking for visitation, just communication. He’s 14 now. Shouldn’t he be able to choose to talk to me legally? She has threatened me with stalking and harassment if I don’t leave him alone. Isn’t there a lawyer out there that can help me get communication rights? Or at least someone who knows the NC system? Thanks for your input.
Jay,
There are several issues here. We are not attorneys, nor should anything in this comment be construed as legal advise. Since the childs birth you have had the option to hire an attorney to get custody/visitation. It is very likely since you have not attempted to get visitation with your child, the court is going to have very little sympathy for giving you communication. In fact, it is routine for parents who have not attempted to have visitation with their kids to have their legal rights removed after a few years. This may or may not be the case in your situation. We are more concerned about active and involved Fathers who seek to be equals in their lives and are denied that by Judges and Legislators, who continue day after day seeking to be there for their kids.
Please allow me to retort. The mother told me the child was not mine when she was pregnant. When he was 6 I was sued for child support. After 2 years of paying support I was allowed 2 meetings with my son. Soon after she met another man and left the state with no forwarding address. Again, my son contacted me recently on Facebook of his own accord because he knows I am his dad, his mother kept him from me, and he wants me in his life. So perhaps you should read up on how kids as young as 12 can be allowed to communicate and even decide which parent to live with. An attorney? You pay for an attorney on barely minimum wage. Sadly it seems I am more familiar with case law on this matter than you. Had I been able to afford an attorney I would have paid for one years ago.
Perhaps more questions and less of a judgmental mindset would serve you well.
You can’t visit a child who lives with his mother 4 states away under a remarried name when you can’t afford a lawyer. Perhaps that thought hadn’t crossed your mind?
Jay, actually the issue of this father not being able to pay for an attorney was the FIRST thing that crossed my mind. However, please note in your initial contact you said that you “did not want visitation”, thus how I went down the road I did.
We realize that Custodial Mothers, and even Mothers who have not been designated by the courts as such routinely and daily prevent fathers from seeing their kids until a Judge orders it, and that this expense is great for many.
Now that we have more data, here is where I see you standing. A Judge early in this conflict likely would have excoriated the mother from preventing you from seeing your child and moving away. However, it’s been 14 yrs and a Judge is going to have a hard time believing that in 14 yrs you could not save up a few thousand dollars.
HOWEVER, what you do have on your side is a 14 year old BOY who is reaching out for his biological father, and this carries a lot of weight. But you are still going to have to travel to wherever he lives, hire an attorney (or represent yourself) to get him into court.
Thanks for the article, I’m not a father but my son is for the love of god I just couldn’t figure things out about Wake County family court. My grandson’s mother has custody and my son gets him every other weekend, and the child is 9 with no one to supervise him in the morning before going to school mother not home when he gets out of school, this has been going on since he was 7yrs old he is failing in school no one to help him my son is paying for sylvian learning center to help his son, but when she decides not to talk to my son the child suffers she doesen’t take him to the class at sylvian my son was trying to give him music lesson once again she doesn’t take the child. The child’s mother has two other children they didn’t finish school both of them got into trouble with the law they each have felonies now my grandson. The child likes to be with his dad and me. I found your site after talking with my son today his son is failing in school a good chance of being left back I was trying to find a lawyer for my son I know he can’t afford it but I just feel something has to be done the child needs guidance in his life which the mother doesen’t give she busy in the street all over raleigh anywhere but home the father works from home he needs to be the parent in the childs life. Do you think a lawyer will help she she uses the child as her weapon because she knows how it hurts my son like not allowing him to see his father for the christmas holiday that my son kept the tree up with all of the child’s gifts until his weekend to have his son. Keep the good work up.
Hi Merrian,
Sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this. NC Fathers is not a law firm, and nothing in my reply should be taken as legal advise. In regards to what you should do, there really is not an answer. Judges in NC have so much discreation, that it makes it impossible to determine what they will do. We have seen Judges make the most insane decisions on some pretty dangerous cases, and there is nothing that can be done about it without spending a fortune in the appelate courts. All you can do is hire an attorney and hope for the best, but keep it in the back of your mind that since you are the paternal grandmother it’s unlikely your side is going to win.
I am a female but going through the same issues. Father was out of my daughters life from 2 until she was 4 (his decision…stated “he just couldn’t handle it”) Dealt with a lot of abuse towards me and our daughter, so had a legitimate 50B. When he returned he demanded custody & visitation. It was brought before a HORRIBLE judge who after seeing his record (DUI, drug use, abuse, etc) gave my precious baby to him every other week. Why I am still not sure of to this day. Within a week DSS was called on me. I have had over 30 cases filed with DSS on me because of him. All were dropped except one. After 2 years jumping through DSS hoops it was brought before a different judge who dismissed it all and said the whole situation was ridiculous as I was a very fit parent and he was not. God Bless that judge…After that time I still was unable to see my daughter or talk to her because he prevented it. Filed a contempt as he was not following a very strict custody order. Same HORRIBLE judge denied the contempt even though I had overwhelming evidence. Asked the court to have him rescused (?) and a new judge hear the case – DENIED. My daughter is now 10 years old…I have not seen her since she was 6…and I am still fighting the NC Courts…all bc this judge decided HE should see her and DSS believed an abuser. It is not just men who are losing the rights here.My daughter’s rights are being taken away…my daughter says she WANTS to live with me…he won’t even pick up the phone when I try to call her. THANK YOU NC COURTS & BUNCOMBE COUNTY DSS for NOT looking out for my daughter. Hearing my daughter’s tears and cries is a wonderful feeling…There needs to be a change. No more children’s tears need to fall so that DSS and courts can get funding…It is sickening.
NC Fathers is NOT a “mens rights” or “fathers rights” groups, the person who made this site just happens to be a father. Actually, our organization is made up of many women. Additionally, our group is not advocating for fathers to get custody over women, etc…
Our goal is to get ALL special interests, politics, etc… out of parents lives and stop the 18 yrs worth of custody battles and develop equally shared parenting.
We are VERY concerned that DSS agencies in NC, who btw enjoy 100% immunity, derive money from child support enforcement. It is very clear they need a “bad parent” so that their funding can continue to flow, and we surmise they many times CREATE this bad parent.
My sons rights were taken away from him in Brunswick County yesterday by Judge Tyler. Even though my grand daughter has been kept away from him by the mother, they said he had neglected her. The mother said in court that she had not returned his cals or text when he called about visiting,and that my son did not file a show cause to her not following the court order of visistion,that he rights were taken away. He just found out that he could do this his self, he was always told that he had to HIRE an lawyer. Regardless if he filed the show cause or not he still loves and wants to be a part of his daughters life.He went to jail 2 or 3 times for not paying support. But she broke the court order took him to court for neglect and they took his rights away. How is this even fair when her parents pay and take care of my grand daughter all the time.Is there any way he can get his rights back? His lawyer is going to appeal the case but we really thought he would not lose his rights. We honesty think that the judge was paid off or that she was friends with the granmother on the other side.The mother of my grand child told my son “you will not see her again until you pay your support” that is exactly what she done, then she said he had not seen her. I really do not understand how this can be in the best interest of my grand daughter.
I have fought hard and sent letters to the state bar, Judge Bullocks office and all agencies. I have the supporting documents. DSS also allowed my 2yr old daughter burns to go unresolved. I have contacted raliegh head office. That continues to send my to Lee couty to the same person that was sending e-mails to employers of people hanging from trees. I can not say much here. e-mail me and I will send all supporting documents. As well as make sure that I support the cause. There is a vast number of none residents of Lee county that go there because they know that is how the system works there.
My son is in court now trying to get split custody of his 9 month old daughter. The child’s mother stop letting him come over to see her when he didn’t give her more money. His attorney recently met with the judge(Angela Fox, Guilford County) and she informed him that she would not consider split custody because my son has a part time job. His part time job is from 11:00 pm- 3:00 am. I wrote a letter to the judge stating that I would be there with my granddaughter while my son works. What information do you have on judges and lawyers in Guilford County.
Wilma, there really is no split custody in North Carolina. Legislators and Judges do not think split custody (joint physical custody, shared parenting) is in the best interest of children. As for the mother keeping the child from the father, if there is no court ordered visitation, she can do that. Actually, even if there is a court order, this is typically done without any contempt being brought by Judges.
Remember, this is a game. The longer there is conflict, the lawyers get payed, and the lawyers keep Judges happy at election time.
i have been through the whole process by myself and did well.
Andrew, join us on Facebook and tell us about your experience: http://www.facebook.com/ncfathers
I have my children more than their mother because of her addiction issues. In November our divorce is supposed to be final but dealing with the unstable nature of the mother…
J, it’s best that you hire a lawyer and make everything as tight as you can because I seriously doubt the thing you two signed will be honored by the courts.
Yes, thank you we both have Lawyers and I have spent $10,000 and we never went to court. I wanted to go to court coming out of the gate just to put a stop to what was going on. The attoney talked me out of that but like I had said before it made them a lot of money and with all that I could prove (not just my word), I felt a judge could not turn them over to her. It might have gotten her into rehab and then maybe she would be productive as a mother instead of a problem. But they keep saying no we can work it out. In November we sign divorce papers….we will see.
J, keep NC Fathers informed about the progress of your case.
How can I get signed up to be on the email list? The way in which is listed in this article will not work; maybe it’s because I’m using an iPhone to email from?
We just sent an invite to your ymail. Follow the directions in the invite to access our mailing list.
I just tried to get on the mailing list and the mail was returned.
Bob look for an invite email shortly and follow the directions.
I am still fighting the NC Courts…all because this judge showed bias and discrimination towards me and gave the father full custody with me no visitation and now a no contact order is in effect. It is not just men who are losing the rights here. My daughter’s rights are being taken away as well as mine as a natural born mother.…my daughter says she WANTS to live with me…he won’t even pick up the phone when I try to call her. I have not heard or seen a thing of them since September 2012.. Thanks A lot NC COURTS in District 20 A & Anson COUNTY DSS for NOT looking out for my daughter. Hearing my daughter’s tears and cries is a horrible feeling…There needs to be a change. No more children’s tears need to fall so that DSS and courts can get funding…It is sickening
Hi Brittany,
NC Fathers is not a “Fathers Rights” organization just because of our name. See this document: http://www.facebook.com/notes/nc-fathers/statement-on-nc-fathers/448073991915072
After one vist to this court it is clear he has a preference to a mother getting custody over the father!
GOD IS NOT PLEASED WITH THE N.C. COURTS, JUDGES AND JUDICIAL SYSTEM, JUDGE MELINDA CROUCH,SUSAN BETHEL, AND CAROUSELL CENTER, THE SCHOOL CALLED ACCESS ACADEMY ALL HAVE CAUSED GREAT PAIN FOR GOOD FATHERS AND THERE CHILDREN. MAY GOD JUDGE ALL THESE AND WILMINGTON NC.
I could tell u some stories
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thank you for this site
Hello my concerns are not concerning child support or welfare of a child. I want to know if I can get and appointment with Judge Pete Hunter to talk with him concerning and accident I was in and that I have witnesses to the accident.
Debbie,
This website is not maintained by the NC Courts, or Judge Hunter.