NC Fathers Rights

Florida Alimony Reform – Our Thoughts

Florida Alimony ReformIt seems that Florida Alimony Reform is heating up in the Florida Legislature and the National Organization For Women, FL Bar Association, Divorce Lawyers, and First Wives are not real happy about it. This article will reflect our thoughts on this issue as a group of non-custodial parents (mostly fathers) many of whom pay alimony here in the State of NC. To learn more about the grassroots effort to bring about FL Alimony Reform please use the link provided. So why did a non-custodial parents group in NC decide to write about the ongoing efforts in Florida to bring about Alimony Reform? We feel that many of the same components exists in this struggle that keep men and fathers here in NC (and likely FL) alienated from their children, and many of the same groups that are opposing alimony reform have a hand in the notorious biased family court across the United States. These groups include the National Organization For Women (NOW), Mothers Rights Groups, and Lawyers… all who have a financial stake in maintaining the current system.

Posts related to this article on Florida Alimony Reform – NC Fathers

Florida Alimony Reform and Lifetime Benefits

Our view of alimony and reform efforts in Florida are centered around the fact that alimony is an antiquated system that does not reflect current thoughts of divorce and support. Perhaps alimony was a necessity back in the 1950’s for women who made the decision to stay at home with children and not work and found themselves in a bad situation financially after a divorce if the divorce was initiated by the man suddenly. But the fact that in FL alimony is a lifetime benefit makes absolutely zero sense, and does not reflect the progress we have made in how women are perceived in our society. In the same vein, current thoughts on child custody and visitation mirror antiquated thoughts on alimony here in NC and most likely Florida.

Alimony

Florida Alimony Reform, First Wives, the National Organization For Women, and the Bar Association/Attorneys

Before discussing the relationship to Alimony Reform and the groups above, one simply has to read this article by Jan Nastasia of the group FirstWivesFirst as it is clear that many women even today simply cannot escape the entitlement they have over their financial security being provided by a man. In this article by Jan Nastasia she exclaims “If alimony reform passes, then I can join the 1.1 million Floridians on food stamps. I’ll be standing in line for my welfare check while my ex-husband is skiing in Lake Tahoe.” and “If these piecemeal proposals are signed into law, even more women will be forced into poverty and resort to public aid – not because they want to, but because they have no choice”. Keep in mind that Ms Nastasia advocates for a system that men must pay a woman alimony for LIFE.

Here is the problem with alimony, it is based on ideological thoughts that Men only initiate divorces and run off with 23 yr old women to ski in Lake Tahoe and leave women behind to face Welfare. But that is not exactly what happens is it? In fact, statistics show that WOMEN initiate Divorce 73% of the time. Apparently women like Jan Nastasia have this sense of entitlement that says even if a woman leaves a divorce she should receive large amounts of money to maintain her living standards even if she goes to work. In 2013, the latest Census shows that the heads of households today are 53% represented by Women but I seriously doubt the National Organization For Women and Florida Bar Association will have anything to say about Women paying alimony for LIFE.

While on the subject of the National Organization For Women, we have to call foul on their opposition to Florida Alimony Reform on the grounds that they are hypocrites. For going on 80+ years now NOW has fought for EQUALITY, equal pay, equal education ability, healthcare, and representation in corporate America and as lawmakers. Yet, their opposition to reform is grounded in the thinking that women are incapable of achieving these things and needs a man to give it to them. In fact, in their opposition, the National Organization For Women seems to be indicating that women should stay barefoot, in the kitchen, and dependent on a man for their financial security. But, we suspect that NOW is not saying this and is merely hoping that women can continue to receive alimony even if they reach equality and become corporate bread winners. It seems that NOW has lost it’s focus on equality for ALL and now has it’s site set on equality for women at the demise of men.

As for the Florida Bar Association and Lawyers who oppose Florida Alimony Reform, it does not take much of an IQ to guess why they are in opposition given that they make TONS of money when alimony is an issue FOR LIFE and they can bill each time that a woman wants more or to modify alimony judgments. This is exactly what is happening in NC (and likely Florida) in the family courts, lawyers can continue to generate retainers for 18 years as long as their is an unequal system and parents are fighting for 18 years. We also suspect that the Florida Bar Association and and Attorneys are scared of NOW and their legislative posturing. But guess what? NOW is no longer the formidable group they once were and we surmise that male voters and second wives have just as much political muscle to flex today as the National Organization For Women has.

Florida Alimony Reform, Male Voters and Second Wives

As a NC non-custodial family advocate, we are in complete support of Men and Second Wives in their push for Alimony Reform in Florida. And, if you are a reader of this article we hope that you will join the group mentioned in the beginning of this article to help in their efforts. Additionally, we want to address second wives and their courage to stand up and say NO to the entitled thoughts of first wives and the National Organization For Women that needs first wives support to meet their mission. By not allowing this entitlement thinking process to continue, you will be helping women like Jan Nastasia to learn to live in the year 2013 where women are powerful humans that are capable of providing for themselves instead of looking for a man or entity to deliver prosperity to their feet just because of marriage. And, we hope that second wives will be sure to tell Ms Nastasia that Welfare and Public Assistance does not have to be an option if she would simply go to work and put her divorce in the past.

Jan Nastasia and First Wives

If you are a Male in Florida, or a second wife, we hope that you will extensively share this article on Florida Alimony Reform with others on the major social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter so that the group mentioned earlier can meet their mission. Furthermore, we hope after reform is achieved, that this group will refocus their efforts on bringing about meaningful change in family law for the presumption for equally shared parenting so that men in FL can shed their visitor roles and become equal parents with equal access to their children.

Tags: Florida Alimony Reform

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January 11, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

9 Comments »

  1. OK I’m going to try to write this post for the 3rd time. My husbands ex has been able to take him to the cleaners in Davie county. We need info on judges in davie county. Also he was making a payment to her in which she was supposed to make all household expenses and she made one! Up until Judge Covington ordered him to pay her all of her bills was being paid by my husband. Now the house has foreclosed and she moved I’m with her parents but he still has to pay her $1550.00 a month with $465 alimony because if he pays her this she can afford to not depend on her parents. It was all being paid for her! She never paid phone power taxes for house or car. She blew every penny on at least 6 vacations! But the courts still see her as “dependent”! I don’t get it! I divorced and I never asked him for a dime all I asked is he do what a dad should do and he did. I see what my husband is going through and I see how my ex and I put our son first and how much better it ha been on our son versus my stepchildren! I love all of them. And my son with the help of his dad and I is a very proud soldier and I see my step kids stuck in the middle and it breaks my heart! Please need info on some of the judges in davie county and any other kind of help would be very welcomed! We love out kids much and would let them move here they have there own room plenty of clothes and we are an intact family and don’t live off of our parents! Thanks

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    Comment by freidt2012 | January 12, 2013 | Reply

  2. I have written this four times now so I’m going to make it short! We need info on davie county judges! Judge Covington ordered my husband to pay his ex a payment a year ago December. and his ex was suppose to make all household payments including the house and she did not and it foreclosed. She didn’t pay any bills! She instead took the kids on 6 vacations with her payment and bought the 4 pair each 70.00 shoes. And moved in with her parents. So she has no bills and we do know this for a fact. But we went back to court and child support was granted and DSS was also given saying of she had this money she could move out on her own! She lived on her own he paid all of the bills until Covington ordered him to pay her not the house payment and now there is no house she left it. We just don’t understand the craziness of family court! We have. Home and we want the kids without her money why please tell me why the system is so corrupt? Thanks dawn. There Is more to the story if I get any hits can explain more!

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    Comment by freidt2012 | January 12, 2013 | Reply

    • freidt2012,
      Thanks for commenting on this article regarding alimony reform. While this is a FL based article, no doubt many of the same issues exists here in NC with alimony. As far as child support goes and your husbands ex-wife being on public assistance, your family not, and why the children are allowed to live with her makes perfect sense given how the child support system works. Your husband works and is most likely able to pay child support. Each dollar collected in child support triggers a dollar in federal money from social security that DSS can use to replenish welfare money. Your husband is needed to help trigger federal welfare money.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | January 12, 2013 | Reply

      • In my opinion like the system cares! The money we put in her pocket that she uses for vacations and 100.00 shoes and 70.00 jeans. We can keep the money in our house take care of the kids without her support and public assistance. Lets use our head. How much better sense does this make???? We have never kept the kids from her and wouldn’t that’s not how parents should work but she uses every excuse in the book to keep the boys from coming to see us. She even had two of our days a month taken away because the kids had to get up about 15mins early for us to get them to school on Monday morning. Come on what is 15mins vs a whole day with their dad? This is what we go through every month! And the courts allow her. I am so upset with the system. I am once divorced and we have a great son that thanks us for not making him go through what my step-children do. In fact my oldest stepson told me he wished his mom and dad could be like me and my ex! He is 16! He has been lucky enough to see how divorce can be! It doesn’t have to be ugly and nasty. It is what it is and end to something. You don’t need to hate or make things hard! I am very happy to say my ex and I are much better friends than lovers! We are happy for each other. He was one of the first to congratulate us on our wedding day! Why oh why can’t parents see how much easier it is!

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        Comment by freidt2012 | January 12, 2013

      • Are you on our facebook page? We are running a series right now encouraging step-mothers to tell us their story? Can you do that for us and just paste the article into a facebook message?

        Like

        Comment by stompkinsnc | January 12, 2013

      • Ok got it on my Facebook page now! This is such a strong matter and as a mother and step-parent that loves my kids I think things in NC need to look at what is what is best for our kids. And as a mother that made it without child support, alimony and public assistance and had a factory job and guess what I made it! I cut corners and worked two jobs but I did my part to raise my child and my exhusband did the same. We both made the choice to have him And both made the choice to raise him at all cost without hurting each other and him!

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        Comment by freidt2012 | January 12, 2013

  3. Something has to change. The much needed alimony reform consideration as more to do with people (men and women but mostly women) taking personal responsbility for the decisions made in marriages and consequences of the divorce. Perhaps you have noticed the hypocrtical movement towards carefree, happy-go-lucky independence with the connection of financial entitlement. That is, as in my case, many women want to be single and ‘have fun’ while the man goes to work every day and pays for it.

    This isn’t ‘Leave It to Beaver’ days anymore where hubby comes home to his pipe and martini while wifey stayed home all day cleaning and cooking. Nor, in most cases, is it the man who even wants the divorce because he’s found some younger girl to fool around with. Quite the contrary in fact which is the reason why many people support a reasonable look on how to determine realistic compensation and alimony.

    I was married for 14 years. I worked 10-12 hours every day building my career to a very successful level. We have 2 children who are 11 and 13. In my spare time, I did things like coach my kids sports teams or work around the house. My ex-wife helped raise the kids for the first five years or so before they went to school. We shared equally in the parenting responsiblity with homework, meals, and so on. I cooked and cleaned around the house more than my ex-wife did. She eventually hired a cleaner, she eventually stopped cooking any meals, she eventually did not volunteer at the kids school anymore. She got breast implants and other cosmetic procedures. After she dropped the kids off at school each day, she went to the gym for 2-3 hours. After that, she would go home and primp for an hour to go to ballroom dancing lessons. She eventually had affairs with men at the gym and the dancing place. For 14 years of our marriage, she never worked, got an education, or any self sustaining skill even though I suggested she do so.

    I never cheated on my wife, I never abused her, I was a good husband, a good provider for my family, and a good father. She was the one who wanted her “time and space” so she could be ‘a real woman’ without having to answer to anyone. She was the one who didn’t want to be married. She hired the sleeziest lawyer in town to handle (as she said) our “high end” case. By “high end”, she meant she wanted a lot of money (and so did the lawyer of course). Through her portrayal of the helpless, 39 year old victimized Old Mother Hubbard who sacrificed herself for “extraordinary contributions” by staying home every day, barefoot, laboring, cooking, cleaning and raising a houseful of kids (joking), she was able to convince the system that she needed “permanent alimony”. However, she ‘settled’ for $15,000 per month in alimony, the house I paid off, half of my assets including my 401k, and child support. That’s what I had to give her. She now lives with a guy who I suspect she was cheated on me with from the gym who is bankrupt and cuts lawns.

    Is this fair?

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    Comment by JB | February 27, 2013 | Reply

  4. While despite their claim of advocating equality and men’s issues I cannot find any support for alimony reform on NOW’s website, neither can I find any statements opposing it. Do you have any links supporting your claim that they are?

    Like

    Comment by Tbyte | April 8, 2013 | Reply

    • THIS LINK shows a spokesperson from the National Organization For Women opposing alimony reform in Florida.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 9, 2013 | Reply


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