NC Fathers Rights

NC Step-Mother on Child Support and Enforcement

NC Step-Mother on Child SupportThis is a user supporter blog from a NC Step-Mother in our series in which she speaks out on Child Support and the Enforcement of Child Support as seen from a women in non-custodial families. If you are a Step-Mother in NC and would like to submit your own article on any subject related to the family courts then please join us on Facebook and we will be happy to publish it.

As a Step-Mother in North Carolina, I can attest to the fact that Child Support Enforcement does not work in this state, and nor should it when a Father wants to share parenting with his child. I have a child from a previous marriage for which I do receive child support because the Father prefers to work a lot and me raise our kids. But with that said, he still sees his children quite a bit. But in my current marriage, my husband lives in the same city as his ex-wife and desires to have 50/50 custody and access to his children. For as long as I can remember, women have called Fathers bad names when they didn’t want anything to do with their children and were not active in their lives. But it seems when they DO, many women fight it in favor of receiving support. As a Step-Mother in NC, I am appalled that any women would deny a Father the ability to see his kids so that a woman can be supported financially. This flies in the face of what we as women have fought so hard for during the womens suffrage movement.

As a Step-Mother, I demand changes to this way of thinking because I am onboard with the fact that Children need both parents in their lives.

Step-Mothers in NC Speak out on Enforcement of child support

As I have learned from this site, there are no less than ten social services programs open to Mothers that are designated custodial and I believe that many women use their children to receive these services while denying Fathers increased time spent with his children. Of the most notable, is the fact that custodial mothers get “bumped on” on the list for Section 8 housing and College Tuition help. While I am not opposed to these services, using one’s children as a means to those services is wrong.

Additionally, I was outraged to learn the our State receives federal money on the amount of child support collected and then uses this money to pay for public assistance programs. Again, while I am not opposed to public assistance, I do not think that a group of people should be denied something so that these services can be funded.

I hope that more people in non-custodial families, as well as custodial mothers, who do not use their children to get services join this organization with an open mind and work towards a much better solution for the sake of their children.

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January 15, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized |

3 Comments »

  1. I agree with both bloggers! I too have a now grown son from my first marriage and am a step-mother to two wonderful boys that love me as much as I love them! They have a wonderful father that has no problem taking care of his boys. But when she is too lazy and just wants to run the roads and blow her child support and then lives off her parents I have a problem with that! She had it made. When we first got together he paid the house payment and and a loan that was in both names to keep his credit at good standings and then a judge in Davie county… Mary Covington ordered the money to be given to her as a payment not child support and she was to make the payment out of that money. She made one payment never told anyone she was not making payments left the house moved in with her parents got to keep the money he paid her then he was told by this judge to see what he could do to catch it up needless to say he had to let it go and now she is coincided the dependent spouse and was awarded over 1500 a month because if she had this money she wouldn’t have to live off of her parents! HELLO!!!! She had a house and didn’t have to make a payment but she wanted the cash so now she can’t make it on her own! I made it without child support and a job paying less than what she makes! And she has no bills. He has rent truck payment and all of our household expenses! But she is the dependent one? So yes this state is a joke!

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    Comment by freidt2012 | January 15, 2013 | Reply

  2. I am not legal “step parent”, but am my partner’s spouse in all ways and that includes being a “step parent” to his daughters from previous relationships. We have one child together, who is 13 yrs old, and he has a 12 yr old with another, then a 10 and 8 yr old with his ex- wife, and lastly a 6 yr old and 4 yr old with another. I have been on both sides of this issue. I was once attempting to collect child support for my daughter through Child Support Enforcement which was not effective and am now on the side of having to pay child support as my partner’s income is not enough to pay all orders.

    One of his ex’s makes every excuse in the book to prevent visitation with his 12 yr. She use to allow this 12 yr old to visit her sister at my home for summer breaks, spring breaks, and almost every other long weekend, but put a stop to all communication when the ex found out that the father was also spending a lot of time at my home visiting his children. For more than two years the 13 and 12 year old’s were limited to only phone contact and that was if the ex paid her phone bill which much of the time she did not. Then my partner and I purchased a cell phone for the 12 year old so that the girls would be able to have some kind of contact while we continued to work at ways to gain physical contact. It literally took threatening court action against the ex for her to allow a visit in December to allow 3 of the kids to exchange Christmas presents with the 4th child. They were allowed 1 hour at McDonald’s before the ex “had other things she needed to do.” The girls now have regular phone contact and are building a relationship, but there is a strain between thee girls because our 13 yr old wants her sister to come and visit, but the 12 yr old’s mom continues to make excuses as to why visits cannot happen. This ex is the first to bring out as a weapon that my partner has not paid support in full and is behind at times. She makes it clear she is supporting their 12 yr old all by herself, but she does not admit that she does so by her choosing ass she refuses visitation, refuses to give sizes or needs for the 12 yr old. She also likes to forget that for 2 years, I made sure this 12 yr had both school and summer clothing as well as some of the school supplies I knew most schools required for the kids.

    The ex wife has refused all contact since May of 2008 with the now 10 and 8 year old’s. The ex wife and I have never gotten along so I have been unable to make any headway with this women. My partner has attempted to gain any contact with the 10 and 8 year old, but even through the courts has been unsuccessful due to never being able to get the ex wife served as she moves from one place to another often, but it doesn’t stop Child Support Enforcement from getting her the child support that they collect on her behalf. We have attempted to send birthday and Christmas gifts, but these have been returned as no forwarding address by the postal service either because she has moved or is not accepting the packages.

    The mom of the 6 and 4 yr old’s has a good relationship with both my partner and myself. We all share the parenting, support, and care of these girls. We meet frequently at each others homes, attend school functions, share holidays, and attend or share information about doctor appointments, etc. We have routines and schedules that are applied consistently at both homes. The 6 and 4 yr old’s know mom, dad, mom’s partner, and dads partner are all on the same page. When any of the kids (our 13 yr old, their 6 or 4 yr old) need something both households share the cost and responsibility or obtaining the needed items. We all share transportation costs and travel times. We trade off to make sure these kids have what they need and many times what they want if its not too much. We work together to make sure all of the kids know we each love them and that our differences do not get in the way of making everyone know they are loved and that their relationships with each other are the most important issues to all of us adults. There is no need for a child support order in this case as we all parent these kids together.

    Of the above situations, the youngest mom has been more mature and more concerned with what is best for the children involved. We work together for the best interest of the children. The last ex lets us know if she needs anything for the kids and we make sure those needs are met. The kids have a relationship with their father and with one of their siblings. We did not need a court to order us to make child support payments in order to meet the needs of any of the children. But last week, we received notice of New Hanover County filing a hearing to establish a child support order in the case with the 6 and 4 yr old’s.

    The mom, kids, nor my partner live in New Hanover county and haven’t in months. No one will talk to any of us to explain where they believe they have to jurisdiction to file for this hearing nor do they except that we are adults and we have already worked out what is best for our families. Child Support Enforcement agencies should not have the right to determine who they are going to pursue and who they are not going to pursue for child support. The family courts should make it mandatory that if a custodial parent refuses non custodial parent contact with his/ her children, without good cause that is proven not just alleged, the custodial parent waives right to child support. If the non custodial parent refuses contact with his/ her children he/ she is at the mercy of the Child Support Enforcement agencies and their calculation of the child support amounts ordered.

    If custodial parent gets free legal to establish and collect child support, then the non custodial parent should get free legal to establish and maintain visitation rights with their children. As it stands now, the custodial parent gets free legal to collect child support while also getting legal protection against the non custodial who wants to be a parent to their child or children. The non custodial parent gets nailed to the wall both emotionally and financially because in most cases they do not have funds to pay all child support amounts, cannot survive on what is left of their pay after child support and taxes are taken out, leaving them no option but to lose contact with their children because they do not get heard in court when they can afford to file a motion against the custodial parent or the Child Support Enforcement agency representing the custodial parent.

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    Comment by Sherri Gabel | May 24, 2013 | Reply

  3. To be clear, the only way NC Child Support office can start an order for establishment is if the custodial parent requests it or receives a service which requires such action. It may be that the custodial parent is unaware that this has occurred (which is frequently the case). Most commonly with regard to Medicaid. If you as a cartaker wish to receive Medicaid for yourself, you must comply with seeking to establish support for all children in your home under your care. Example, if you are seeking Medicaid for yourself as the caretaker of your neice for instance following a reduction in work hours…not your children…it is irrelevant. You are now required to comply with the child support office in establishing paternity and in seeking support for all minor children in your home under your care (yours, mine, ours & the niece). Same thing for any AFDC/Work First program. The philosophy at least I think is…the State does not mind providing services for children, but wishes to offset the cost of caring for the custodial parent in trying to establish at minimum medical support (monetary support for the custodial parent can be waived at this point – that is up to the custodial parent entirely). In order to establish medical support the state must prove paternity (via test or vol. signing of affidavit acknowledging paternity). This often isn’t explained fully or understood at application/review. If the custodial parent does not wish to comply with establishing such an order that needs to be put in writing to DSS (making sure all depts including child support have a copy). This should stop any such action.

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    Comment by Metoowoosh | December 25, 2013 | Reply


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