NC Fathers Rights

Deadbeat Dads Myth

NC Deadbeat DadsAh, nothing gets a good debate going than talking about NC Deadbeat Dads and Non-Custodial fathers as they are great talking points by many custodial mothers, Judges, Politicians, Sheriffs, and other groups looking to cash in on the popularity of denigrating the obligatory father in NC. In this article, I plan to shatter than myth and point to many reasons why dads in North Carolina APPEAR to be absent parents not paying child support, and how it benefits the groups that love to perpetuate this information about NC Deadbeat dads in public. NC Fathers is a fast growing organization of NC non-custodial fathers, step-mothers, paternal grandparents, and other family members who will reform the NC Family Courts for the presumption of equally shared parenting in NC. If you are reading this article as a father who is frequently called a Deadbeat Dad by a custodial mother, or you are tired of seeing Sheriffs, Judges, and Politicians use this term to excoriate your sons, friends, fathers, and brothers then we encourage you to join our organization by following us on FACEBOOK or by signing up on our MAILING LIST after reading OUR GOALS.

Posts related to the myth of Deadbeat Dads in North Carolina – Adoption and Dads, Domestic Violence and Dads

North Carolina

Roughly half of NC custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand when their sons are called Deadbeat Dads? With Equally Shared Parenting?

Dads and Families

Deadbeat Dads and NC Non-Custodial Fathers

Before starting our article on Deadbeat Dads in NC, if you are a non-custodial family in North Carolina, to include fathers, step-mothers, paternal grandparents, aunts and other family members, we ask that you click on the graphic below to get a detailed list of issues this site fights against, issues we think are meant to keep you alienated and marginalized from your children, and to learn about a system that has been designed around family law that makes a lot of people and groups money from you being diminished to visitors in your children’s lives rather than being equal parents with equal access to your children.

Dads

NC Deadbeat Dads And Those Benefiting From Them

  • Custodial Mothers – If you listen closely, in everyday life, you will hear custodial mothers in your communities using their status of  “I’m a single mother” as if it’s declaration to the public to give her stuff. Also, shortly after making her declaration, you will hear her lament about the father of her child being a deadbeat and how she wishes he would be more of a part of the child’s life. But not so fast, this does not mean that she wants the dad to have equal parentage and access to the child, oh no we can’t have that. What she is saying is I want the father kept as far away as possible so that he pays me child support and I have access to social services and tax benefits. Without NC Deadbeat Dads, custodial mothers can’t play the victim role which sends so much support her way.
  • NC Judges and Politicians – Judges and Politicians LOVE Deadbeat Fathers. There is nothing more helpful to political endeavors than to excoriate a dad in NC who isn’t “doing it for the children” and stir emotion within certain political systems. There is no greater tactic than to use issues that affect women and children as props to advance a gender and sexual political agenda. Deadbeat Dads in North Carolina bring a lot of fundraising and political goodness to Judges and Politicians.
  • NC Sheriffs – Like Judges and Politicians, NC Sheriffs from Mecklenburg County (Charlotte), Wake County (Raleigh), Buncombe County (Asheville), Guilford County (Greensboro), and Forsyth County (Rocky Mount) maintain Deadbeat Dads websites using derogatory language in an attempt to stir the public and drive more funding and political support their way using the “do it for the children” mantra. Additionally, NC Sheriffs in Columbus County NC, New Hanover County (Wilmington), Pitt County (Greenville), and Wilson County love the fact that there are child support delinquents because they get federal Title IV-D money for their arrests and incarceration that far exceeds what it costs to house them.
  • Lobbyists and Interest Groups – There are many lobby and interest groups in NC who need for Deadbeat Dads to exists so they can excoriate them and draw in grants and donations to their organizations and maintain a system where dads are seen as bad parents and mothers as good parents so that they can use this battle to drive sexual and gender politics.
  • NC Fathers also believes that after a century of the “Mother take all” family court, than many well intentioned Dads make the decision to just give up and not even take their chances in the family courts.

Deadbeat Dads and Fathers

Deadbeat Dads in North Carolina and Reality

North Carolina has become socialized to believe that Deadbeat Dads represent ALL Fathers who are flying around in corporate jets and their million dollar a year jobs while their children are at home eating ramen noodles because mom can’t feed them due to not receiving child support. The reality is that 90% of fathers not paying child support, it isn’t that they won’t pay, it’s that they are in poverty and can’t pay. Unfortunately, there is a prevailing notion that dads should consider this before they have sex, but refuse to ask that of mothers who made the choice to bring a child into the world that she can’t support or afford. Let’s remember an important fact that never gets brought up when talking about NC Deadbeat Dads, they do not have access to educational assistance, medical assistance, housing assistance, food assistance, counseling assistance, job assistance, and tax incentives that are afforded to custodial mothers and this is very much a reason that mothers and their lobby groups don’t want equal joint custody or shared parenting. If you removed all social services brought on by having a child, there would be a very large group of mothers who couldn’t support their children but there would be a HUGE lobby demanding that they not be denigrated and excoriated in public for this. Unfortunately, for many custodial mothers, the government has become the father of their children BY CHOICE.

Every day, Men and Women across NC conceive children via recreational sex where dads were not having sex to create a child, and the same can be said for mothers. But many times, a child is conceived in these situations and the mother refuses to attempt to notify the father, or does not know who the father is because of multiple sex partners. Nonetheless, it may be ten years later, but many custodial mothers will seek back child support that has blossomed to well over tens of thousands of dollars and an arrest warrant will be sought on a dad who didn’t even realize he had a child to support. In these cases, the public is all too quick to call him a Deadbeat Father and many times the dad will never be able to get thousands of dollars in hand to secure his release from prison.

It is VERY common not only in North Carolina, but across the United States right after separation of a Man and Woman with children for the Mother to leave the home with a child and either leave the State where they were residing and/or to prevent the father from having access to the children until a Judge says that it’s OK to visit the child four days a month. In these cases, mothers give themselves 100% access to the child without spending a penny. For the Father, he is forced to spend upwards of $20,000 in hiring a lawyer once he discovers where the mother moved to. Very few dads in NC have this type of money and are forced into never seeing their children again because of poverty and society has no problem calling these fathers Deadbeat Dads.

Every single court day in NC, there are dads who want to be equal parents with equal access to their children that are summarily denied that right and they are forced into the role of visitor and payment provider to mothers. After spending upwards of $20,000 in legal battles, child support enforcement battles, and attempting to modify custody to get more access to their children, many dads find themselves dead broke and are not ABLE to pay increasing amount of child support every three years. In reality, the NC Family Courts are equally responsible for creating Deadbeat Dads in North Carolina.

When talking about Deadbeat Dads in North Carolina, you rarely hear about this.

If you are a non-custodial family in North Carolina who is tired of hearing the dad in your family denigrated by mothers, Judges, Politicians, and lobby groups who actually need and create these fathers for political agendas, then we encourage you to extensively share this article with others on the major social networking sites like Facebook, Google+, and Twitter to help increase awareness of the myth of Deadbeat Dads in NC and all over this country.

NC Fathers is also aware of Deadbeat Dad websites in Carteret County, Onslow County, Cumberland County (Fort Bragg and Fayetteville, and Catawba County (Hickory NC).

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March 27, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

26 Comments »

  1. Thank you for bringing attention to the misinformation surrounding Deadbeat Dads. I am amazed at the number of custodial mothers who have male children who will likely one day be setting the stage for their own sons to be called this horrible term once they become dads.

    Like

    Comment by Sheryl Wellons | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  2. I love the angle you took in showing how deadbeat dads in NC and in every state in the US are actually used to commercialize fathers to drive public policy. You hit the nail on the head in saying many groups NEED for them to exists and actually creates them in order for lawyers to make a killing in the family courts. A job well done!

    Like

    Comment by Jason Anderson | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  3. Its annoying seeing many of the groups you brought out in this article attempting to be politically correct by making this a deadbeat parent issue when we really know they mean dads. Perhaps when there is a huge lobby or organization in North Carolina standing up for non-custodial parents, dads, and their families, politicians and judges will be less likely to use slanderous terms like this which was frequently used to denigrate African-Americans back in the 60’s.

    Like

    Comment by Jack Kaleskie | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  4. You would not have so many deadbeat dads if they would just take care of their kids and ex-wives

    Like

    Comment by Kelly | March 27, 2013 | Reply

    • Kelly, Dads aren’t put on this earth to take care of their ex-wives after a divorce. That is usually what work is for. And we agree that Dads should be taking care of their children, only absent paying that support to a government agency and paying directly to their children when they have them equal time. Attempting to socialize all dads into an acceptable marginalization and alienation scheme as visitor and payment provider, our mission to to get both parents supporting their kids directly through equal contact instead of the government doing it via social services and dads doing it through federal enforcement. If you don’t agree, I hope you don’t have a male child.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  5. I agree with everything said here, but I have an interesting twist. I am a court ordered custodial father and I frequently get called a deadbeat dad by my ex-wife and her family on the grounds that I just wanted custody to escape paying child support. Using this term is seemingly engrained in mothers to use it to garner support by friends and family, and of course the government REGARDLESS of the circumstances.

    Like

    Comment by Ricky D | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  6. I especially like the link to abortion, adoption, and safe haven laws and how you phrased it. It is sick that when men have a hard time, or don’t even want children, they are told not to have sex and called deadbeats but women have access to three federally protected rights to get out of that predicament or untold amounts of social services to keep from becoming a deadbeat mom.

    Like

    Comment by Carl Smith | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  7. I am a mother of a son who is called a deadbeat father all the time even though he pays child support and is in the military!

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    Comment by Ann M | March 27, 2013 | Reply

    • Ann, thanks for your comments and making a point that is hard to get across to mothers. For every militant mother advocating for a mother take all system, they are ensuring that their sons and them as paternal grandmothers will have a very difficult life once their son is a man and the mother of his child NEEDS him to be a deadbeat dad in order to maintain control, get sympathy, custody, and possibly services. This really is a fight for many women.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 27, 2013 | Reply

  8. I know that here in Carteret County NC the Sheriff does not maintain a “Deadbeat Dads” website like others do, but I have friends in Onslow County and Craven County who have fought the slander committed by Sheriffs on their websites in their county. I can’t wait till the day that Dads wake up, unite and form their own lobby and watch these sites come down fast when law enforcement realizes they are barking up the tree of a lot of voters in non-custodial families.

    Like

    Comment by Andrew l | March 28, 2013 | Reply

  9. I was put on the Sampson County NC Deadbeat Dads website by the local Sheriff, went to court and won my case (child support enforcement error) but now my name is permanently in Internet archives (not even the Sheriff can remove it) where any global Internet searcher, future employer, future spouse could find misinformation about me that was perpetuated by the State of NC.

    Like

    Comment by Christopher Bladen | March 28, 2013 | Reply

  10. I am a father in Wayne County NC who is frequently called a Deadbeat by my child’s mother all over social networking sites even though I have never been late on a single payment. In fact, I had it pulled straight from my paycheck so that I could never be late. Your right, it’s almost like custodial mothers want you to be viewed as a Deadbeat parent so they can build a support system. Are there any others in Wayne County who have experienced this?

    Like

    Comment by Douglas | March 29, 2013 | Reply

  11. I am the sister of a father in Buncombe County NC who is having a very serious problem with biased Judges in the courts there. Is there anyone on this site who can help him? I agree that NO parent, mother or father should be put on the Internet in these matters especially if they win their case.

    Like

    Comment by Candace Thompson | March 29, 2013 | Reply

    • Candace, unfortunately the only person who can help your brother is his attorney. Our organization surely can’t because we are fighting against a system that does not want to change. Judges, attorneys, social services, and custodial parents as you can imagine are not very sympathetic to our mission. We can however have a huge impact of you and your brother join our organization and encourage other non-custodial dads in Buncombe County NC to do the same so that we can address these Deadbeat parents websites.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 29, 2013 | Reply

  12. I too am fed up with being called a Deadbeat just because I am a non-custodial parent. Thank you for standing up to this crap!

    Like

    Comment by Craven County NC Dad | March 29, 2013 | Reply

  13. Just wanted to add what other people have said here to the list. I am the usual wilson county nc family court alienated dad paying child support but frequently get called a deadbeat because I won’t pay ABOVE what the courts order me to pay as my ex-wife wants. So, we are deadbeats if we don’t pay what the courts ask us to pay, and we are deadbeats if we don’t pay what the ex-wife wants us to pay ABOVE what the law accounts for. When the hell are Judges going to see that giving this unlimited control to women is the cause of most of this crap?

    Like

    Comment by Wilson County NC Dad | March 30, 2013 | Reply

  14. Great article thank you. Judges could do themselves and the courts a favor and empower dads to be responsible parents through shared parenting instead of putting us on the sideline and ask us to be ATM machines. I’m sick and tired of the deadbeat narrative here in Greene County

    Like

    Comment by Greene County NC Dad | March 30, 2013 | Reply

  15. There’s two sides to this story and a lot more information could and should be placed here. yes many are wrongly blamed for not taking care of there children, and yes other groups of people have and will use this to there own ends. however personal responsible in raising ones children is sadly lacking for many dads today in our world.there are deadbeat dads who should be made to take care of there kids in whatever way is best for all involved.

    Like

    Comment by Tracy Brogdon | April 4, 2013 | Reply

    • Tracy, nobody here disputes that there are dads who want nothing to do with their children, or support them. The problem is that the narrative around this issue is that only dads are the problematic ones when in fact there are moms who refuse to support their children but the State of NC refuses to acknowledge this. Also at issue, women have abortion, adoption, safe haven placement, and 7 social services programs to escape this problem. Absent those tools, there would be an awful lot of problematic mothers.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 5, 2013 | Reply

  16. This article is dead on! I am a Alamance County NC Dad who wanted 50% time with his child and was denied that. In court the Judge said that the only reason I wanted equal time with my daughter was to reduce child support payments and even called me a deadbeat parent. Alamance County is very corrupt.

    Like

    Comment by Alamance County NC Dad | April 7, 2013 | Reply

  17. I am a Wilson County NC father who is often called deadbeat by the mothers family even though I pay child support on time every month and ask for more time with my child. So, I can very much relate to this article. I too see the problems you brought out about Sheriffs in NC who use this issue to politicize their future political endeavors.

    Like

    Comment by Jim (Wilson County NC Father) | April 29, 2013 | Reply

  18. I see this all the time in Wake County NC. Residents have no problem excoriating dads when they want nothing to do with their children but applaud women for abortion or adopting them out like they are making some good decision. And this has nothing to do with the political issue of abortion before someone tried to stigmatize me as anti-abortion. The Wake County Sheriff uses this as a political angle and I’m sick of it!

    Like

    Comment by JK (Wake County Dad) | May 3, 2013 | Reply

  19. I agree totally, Dads are getting a bad wrap. I too wanted to see my daughter as much as I could but was denied and turned into a deadbeat so that my ex could get sympathy.

    Like

    Comment by Aaron (Wake County Father) | May 3, 2013 | Reply

  20. This is a powerful article and a site that needs to be shared among fathers and mothers that are trying to do the right thing by and for their children without their own selfish agendas at play. I’m in Memphis, TN and I’m currently going through a divorce and the child support laws are hideous here! I pay my child support, but I’m still denied access to my children. My soon to be ex wife had me fired from my federal job of 11 years where I took care of her while she barely worked, her mother that didn’t work, my three children and her sister’s kids for her to get up in court and say that I NEVER TOOK CARE OF HER AND MY CHILDREN when I did so much more. My child support is being paid directly out of my check and they took my retirement when I was terminated from federal service, my tax return, and I had to pay them $500 so they wouldn’t suspend my license. Now I have a criminal record, I’m on probation for a year where nobody will hire me, and I can never return to federal service once my probation is over. I was able to get a part time job cleaning offices where I make $9 an hr part time verses a $40,000 a year job I had for 11 years and all the judge can say is that I’m not trying hard enough and that I’m being lazy! I haven’t seen or spoken to my kids in over 5 months which is a violation to my visitation rights ordered by the courts, but the judge doesn’t honor my visitation, she’s only concerned about whether or not I’m paying the money and this is a huge problem. My children need me in their life, but I’m being refused that right and it’s considered ok.

    Like

    Comment by Willie R. Boyland, Jr. | June 23, 2013 | Reply

  21. What do you have to say about the mothers who took care of the father’s and as soon as they spilt up the father’s decide to finally work a real paying job. As soon as the mother files for child support father quits good paying job not to support his kids when he knew the mother was always a giver and he took advantage of her kindness. Some situations maybe like what you described. But there are many where the man is true deadbeat to purposely spite the mother. Who quits a good paying job for no job to outsmart the system. I hear you the system is made this.way. but the reality of it they go by protocols which in some cases these deadbeat father’s never pay a penny but yet post pictures of Facebook on a boat or on vacation. How about those deadbeat fathers who know how to play the system?

    Like

    Comment by Anne Ryan | September 26, 2015 | Reply

    • For every father who chooses not to be a parent, and who quits a job to try an avoid paying child support, I can show you en example of a mother who wants child support and state benefits and purposefully uses the courts to deny a father access, or makes false allegations. And you have some nerve talking about fathers who don’t want to be parents when you have three ways to avoid being a parent. At least you have choices.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | September 26, 2015 | Reply


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