NC Fathers Rights

Governor Pat McCrory and the Family Courts

Governor Pat McCroryNC Fathers is reaching out to Republican Governor Pat McCrory and asking him to work with both Democrats and Republicans in bringing about comprehensive family court reform for the presumption of equally shared parenting to children after a divorce, breakup of a relationship where no marriage was in place, and to end abuse of the NC Adoption system where fathers not married to mothers are losing out on the ability to be biological parents and seeing their children adopted out without ever knowing about it. NC Fathers is an organization of non-custodial families who are on a mission to end their century long socialized visitor roles and payment providers they are stigmatized with by the courts, who understand that children need two equal parents and extended families, and who are tired of watching an industry encourage parental warfare for profit. Governor Pat McCrory needs to hear from North Carolina non-custodial families, to include parents, grandparents, step-parents, aunts and uncles, and other family members who are daily being marginalized in their children’s lives when they want equal parentage and access to their children. If you are in a NC non-custodial family, then we encourage you to join our MAILING LIST and FACEBOOK PAGE where you can have your voices heard and collaborate with other families who seek change. We also ask that you review OUR GOALS and encourage other non-custodial families in your communities to join our organization so that our collective voices and voters can send a loud and clear message to the Governor that we are tired of the systematic bias and divisiveness in the family courts. NC Governor Pat McCrory should also be clear that NC Fathers is not a “Men’s Rights” organization or a “Fathers Rights” organization as we advocate for non-custodial mothers and women in paternal families who get equally hurt in this system. NC Fathers is asking that NC non-custodial families extensively and routinely share this article on Governor McCrory on sites like Google+, Twitter, and Facebook to help propagate this message.

Wake County Child SupportPosts related to NC Republican Governor Pat McCrory – NC Adoption Crisis, NC Senator Richard Burr

Why isn’t the Governor fixing these issues in the family courts?

Governor Pat McCrory and NC Non-Custodial Families

NC Fathers is asking Governor Pat McCrory and his legislative staff, along with NC non-custodial families to click on the red and blue graphic below to get a reminder of the devastating divisiveness the NC Family Courts ask families to operate under for 18 years.

Governor

Republicans and the family courts

NC Republican Governor Pat McCrory and Non-Custodial Families

The first thing NC Fathers is asking Governor Pat McCrory to understand is that non-custodial families consist of a lot of citizens in NC who come from every cultural and religious background, political party affiliation, race, gender, educational background, socioeconomic background, and the family courts are creating us each and every day. NC Fathers is the only organization reaching out to these families, and we are finding a very angry group of people who are ready to join with us in this fight. Additionally, the Governor should understand that for many decades, special interest groups have attempted to define this fight as a Mother vs. Father or Woman vs. Man fight and this couldn’t be further from the truth considering the following information.

North Carolina

Roughly half of NC custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand then Governor McCrory? With Equally Shared Parenting?

gOVERNOR

Also, the NC Governor must understand that if being a marginalized non-custodial father is bad, then it must be bad for non-custodial mothers who represent about 15% of mothers in North Carolina. Our organization does not advocate for either Mothers or Fathers independently, we believe that BOTH PARENTS and their families provide far greater resources and opportunities than social services and child support enforcement can ever hope to achieve.

Furthermore, Governor McCrory must realize that there are many women in non-custodial families who get equally hurt when their grandchildren, step-children, nieces and nephews, and brother and sisters see them on average only 4 days a month assuming the family courts didn’t allow the custodial parent to move them seven states away.

Former Charlotte Mayor Pat McCrory

With regards to NC Child Support Enforcement, NC Fathers believes that federal enforcement of parents who make a decision not to be involved in their children’s lives when they understand they have children, and who have resources to financially support them is very appropriate. However, to tell a parent who does want to be an equal and active parent that they cannot and must submit to federal enforcement as a payment provider and visitor to their children is wrong. NC Fathers believes that the family courts are more focused on child support enforcement rather than building a system that provides a child as stable as possible family system after divorce or when a relationship between the unmarried parents ends. NC Governor Pat McCrory and NC Republican and Democrat lawmakers must realize that our organization is educating non-custodial families on why child support enforcement has become the standard by which one parent is defined, and it has a lot to do with politics and money. We are educating these families that the State of NC is receiving federal Title IV-D money on each dollar collected in child support that is then used to replenish Welfare money. In short, NC needs millions of alienated and marginalized non-custodial parents paying child support so that more and more federal money can be received into state coffers. If the NC Governor believes that this system is more beneficiary to children over these parents having their natural biological attachment with both parents then we have a problem. Governor Pat McCrory should also understand that there are many organizations and non-profits who have organized and found a way to monetize the inequality between parents and who make money from the system. One of the most notable is the NC Bar Association who gains when lawyers can bill and get retainers for 18 years when two parents fight. Unfortunately, when parents fight, the trauma ends up on kid’s heads. Another organization that has recently come out against shared parenting in NC is the NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence who says that shared parenting will bring highly conflicted parents together on a more frequent basis and this will spur Domestic Violence. Additionally, that the more fathers who have access to their children, there will be increases in abuse of children. The problem with this theory Governor is that this assumes that the non-custodial parent is the only parent who has the ability to abuse children and creates a hurdle the non-custodial parent has to clear while the custodial parent does not. If the Governor does not believe this, we will be happy to provide ample evidence daily from across the nation where custodial parents kill and abuse children, and commit Domestic Violence. It is also important to keep this in mind, because of how the NC Family Courts operate, we know that one parent WILL HAVE TO BE labeled non-custodial, meaning they will likely only be getting four days a month with their children IF a Judge does not allow the custodial parent to move many states away. We believe this is much more of a spark for Domestic Violence than anything. Another spark? Perhaps Governor Pat McCrory has never been through a custody battle, but they are expensive and parents fight an average of two over 18 years. When fighting a custody battle, it cost EACH PARENT roughly $15,000 for a total of $30,000 times two over 18 years for GRAND total of $60,000. This assumes that neither of the parents fight minor battles over child support, contempt hearing, and modifications as those can easily add another $20,000 to the GRAND total. So which would the Governor of NC rather see $80,000 go towards, lawyers and anxiety riddled children or a college education, down payment on a home, money to start a business, or life saving medical coverage? Governor, is it possible this financial stress sparks increased Domestic Violence?

Lets take a look at the issue of Domestic Violence closer Governor McCrory, it’s OK that non-custodial fathers get four days a month with their children because it is some mysterious magical number that prevents men from killing their ex-wives and children, but if we give them fifteen days per month then something happens and suddenly there is mass killings? Really? One would think that these fathers would be so elated to be seeing their children and directly supporting them (empowerment) (equality) that Domestic Violence would be the last thing on their minds.

In the opening segments of this video, you see Governor Pat McCrory visiting schools talking with kids and educators, yet I bet he never asked where the non-custodial parents were. If he did, he would likely be told that their non-custodial parent is absent and disinterested. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Many of the school children in this video have had a Judge allow the custodial parent to move these children many states away from their other parent. Many of these kids fathers don’t even know they have children because there is no law requiring a mother to tell a father than he is a father. Many of these kids fathers are in jail because they can’t pay child support due to the economy or because they got hit with child support arrears for 10 years because they were never told they had kids. Many of these kids fathers are working two jobs and don’t have access to food stamps, medicaid, educational assistance, housing assistance, work assistance, and financial assistance like custodial parents do. Many of these kids fathers are putative fathers that by NC law have zero rights to their biological child because they weren’t married to the child’s mother.

In the video below, you see Governor McCrory talking with various groups about issues important to them, but noticeably non-custodial parents weren’t invited.

Unfortunately, there are many special interest groups and organizations who have come together in North Carolina who use gender and sexual politics to drive fund raising efforts and who get federal and state grants and money to drive parental warfare, and they will say and do anything to drive this agenda if it means political power. NC Fathers is asking NC Republican Governor Pat McCrory to rise above this and do what is in the best interest of children and real equality.

Governor Pat McCrory and NC Republicans and Democrats Must Hear From NC’s estimated 5.5 Million Citizens Who Have Ties To a Non-Custodial Family.

Earlier in this article, we pointed out the numbers of non-custodial families than exists in North Carolina, and the amount of their friends who witness what we experience within the family courts. We also pointed out that non-custodial families are a natural swing voter block given that we come from every major diverse background. And, that the courts create on average 100 more families per week in the NC District Courts. Can you imagine what can be accomplished if we all come together and send the message to Governor McCrory that we demand changes? Can you imagine what will happen if this article is shared 5.5 million times on social networks like Twitter and Facebook? Can you imagine a system where the anxiety, depression, and turmoil can be lessened after a divorce knowing that you will still be a vital part of your children’s lives that does not consist of just payment provider via a federal enforcement agency? Can you imagine a system where lawmakers create a law demanding shared parenting but do not address judicial discretion that allow Judges in NC to continue the century old bias? Can you imagine a system where the other parent moved your children 700 miles away one day while you were at work and never saw your children again unless you found $15,000 in cash to give to a lawyer? Well this system can be realized, but not until Governor McCrory hears your concerns, and not until there is a substantial organization that opposes the organizations who have an open door in Raleigh and who want you to remain marginalized in your kids lives at their profit.

In an effort to help send our message to Governor Pat McCrory that Equally Shared Parenting is the best option and interest for NC Children, we ask that you use the following graphic on all your social media profiles to show support:

NC Shared Parenting and the NC Governor

Here is what we are asking NC non-custodial families to do. First, Governor Pat McCrory must hear from you, and he must read this article. Please CONTACT HIM and ask him and his staff to read this article and respond to you. If you prefer to call the Governor, he can be reached at (919) 733-5811. Second, extensively share this article on social networking sites. Third, use the comment section below to leave the Governor your personalized message regarding the NC Family Courts. This is your chance to collectively create a substantial document that his staff can not ignore. Fourth, identify five other NC non-custodial families in your family, or friends, and invite them to our organization as well as sharing this article with them. And lastly, repeat all of this monthly.

Governor Pat McCrory can be reached on Twitter @PatMcCroryNC or FACEBOOK.

NC Fathers welcomes any personalized non-form letter or pre-written response from NC Governor Pat McCrory on the material we covered in this article and will be happy to include it in this document and share with our growing social media presence and 5,000+ mailing list.

Show Support by Copying and Pasting the code below to your Website or Blog:

Please Ask <a href="https://ncfathers.wordpress.com/2013/01/20/governor-pat-mccrory-and-the-nc-family-courts">Governor Pat McCrory</a> to urge NC lawmakers to bring about Family Court Reform.
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April 22, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

42 Comments »

  1. My message to Governor Pat McCrory and Republicans is that I am a voting woman, specifically a voting woman in a paternal family, for which these issues affect me personally daily. I live in Mecklenburg County and I have seen personally what you did for Charlotte NC. I hope you will receive the message in this article and do what is right.

    Like

    Comment by Wilma Jenkins | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  2. NC Governor, Republicans, Democrats,
    I am a Father, not a visitor or ATM Machine. I am tired of being held accountable for other parents who don’t want to be with their children. I am tired of spending money with lawyers, to only lose like everyone told me I would before I tried. I am not absent, nor am I not involved in my kids lives, yet the NC Courts made me that way against my will.

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    Comment by Craig McDonnell (Durham County Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  3. Governor, I support this website and organization. I am a female in a paternal family who experiences this daily. I am calling on Republican and Democrat leaders to address the concerns and issues contained in this blog.

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    Comment by Margaret Dempsey (Wake County Step-Mother) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Margaret, right on! Governor McCrory needs to hear from WOMEN in paternal families as the power brokers and professional lobbyists have people believing that this is a war on women.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  4. Governor McCrory,
    Everything in this article is exactly what non-custodial families in NC face each and everyday and I am urging you and other law makers to address the concerns with the NC Family Courts that this blog points out. We have spent over $21,000 dollars in attorney fees only to obtain the default visitation of four days per month with our grand daughter and have to constantly spend money to try and prevent the custodial parent from moving the children away. It is constant terrorism.

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    Comment by Kimberly (Wake County Step-Mother) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  5. Governor Pat McCrory, Our story is so long! But my husband has been a great father to his boys and I love his boys as if they are mine. But he as a noncustodial father he has no rights to make choices in their lives. We have pleaded to the Davie County courts to see how the boys mom is using the system because they allow her to do such! Both of
    his boys are involved in sports which is a great thing and one is also hearing impaired with both ears that have cochlear implants. Both boys have had lots of injuries the oldest just have to have shoulder surgery. We begged the courts to have them take time to heal. And at the last court date when we done this the oldest had been injured 9 days before and she got on the stand and told the judge that the school had proper equipment to protect them and we found out in the paper that he had been injured and she never offered my husband that information because she has all of the control and she knows the courts are going to side with her. And the youngest had us last implant last summer and we asked if she would allow him to heal before she let him wrestle and play football but again she came with a paper from school saying the same thing. And because she is primary custody she can let them do what she wants without my husbands in put. She makes all the rules. And with child support my husband has no problem paying to support his kids but she came in and said she was forced to live with her parents because she couldn’t live with the amount of money she was left with after my husband paid the house payment and all if the house bills such as a loan they had taken out. Now please read what I wrote my husband paid the house payment and she got $595.00 in her pocket plus her check but she was forced to move In with her parents after the court ordered him to pay her directly and she made one house payment and stayed in the house receiving 1500.00 a month and she in court papers agreed to make all payments. Let the house go into foreclosure. And went back saying she still needed that amount so she could find them a place this was November last year she still lives with her parents and every time the boys come they have 100.00 shoes and 350.00 iPads. She is using that money to blow it on them not try to find them a place to live. And the oldest has told is they aren’t moving they are adding a room to her parents house. But so far the courts are still giving her control and the same amount of money. Please tell me that this is far! If we had equal rights we wouldn’t have children being bought by a parent and when the noncustodial parent thinks his kids could be in harms way can’t do anything about it! His son had a very bad injury and if the court would have listened to the parent that wanted what was best for his son he would not be in the health he is in,but the system did not take his concerns in that court room. Thank you.

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    Comment by Dawn Freidt (Davie County Step-Mother) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  6. Governor McCrory, I support this site. My family votes. This historical bias against fathers has gone on for centuries and our kids keep getting worse. I hope you will support NC family law reform.

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    Comment by Bill McDavid (Craven County Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  7. I was told for 20 years that my father didn’t want anything to do with me, but as an adult I learned that he didn’t have the money to spend with attorneys to secure rights to see me. I hate the system for this, I deserved a father. I am glad I have one now. Reform now Governor!

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    Comment by Tracey (Onslow County Adult Daughter) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Tracey, you are a hot commodity around here. Your story is not uncommon. Kids, as adults, learn about the system, they get into the system, and they eventually find their lost parents and start asking questions. It is not uncommon for a child today to learn to hate his/her non-custodial parent, then find them at 20 years of age and learn reality.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  8. I am a non-custodial mother who has seen her daughter 2 hours in 3 years. This is less than inmates in central prison can see their kids. I admit I made mistakes, but I have proven myself and done everything the courts asked. My kids and I deserve reform Governor.

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    Comment by Kim Aiken (Buncombe County Mother) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Kim, good to hear from you and it’s good that non-custodial mothers are taking a stand on this issue.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  9. My story is very common,
    Wife decides to leave me, and makes a abuse allegation. Based on no evidence or due process, I am kicked from my home and kids, I go to jail, and I lose my job. I spend $3,000 with an attorney over one year at which point I am found not to have committed any Domestic Violence. Yet, based on my ex-wife having the kids for a year, she has established consistency. Yea, this makes sense and is fair. I am sending the message to Governor Pat McCrory and to anyone who will listen, I will get my message out.

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    Comment by Tim (New Hanover County Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Oh my god this is my story too! Of course the Governor will disagree, but be the first to admit that he receives false allegations and personal attacks from those not in his party daily. But no, it can’t happen in divorce and custody court, no way! Hypocrite he is.

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      Comment by James Scandlen (Cabarrus County NC Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Tim, false allegations of Domestic Violence are becoming automatic, accepted, and very common. We tell fathers to expect it. It is the perfect tactical tool to win in the family courts. Unfortunately, it is starting to case a shadow of doubt on evidenced based Domestic Violence and that is a shame.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  10. I am both a custodial mother and a non-custodial step-mother who demands shared parenting for my ex-husband, but the courts will not demand this system for my husband. I am also personally testify to the abusive control the custodial parent demands of our son. I sure hope the Governor is listening.

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    Comment by Sheila Henderson (Mecklenburg County Step-Mother) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  11. I am a moderate Democrat and can tell you if Governor McCrory and Republican leaders addressed this issue they will have added a lifelong supporter to their rolls. This system is very scary and I want to personally thank NC Fathers for this website and their movement.

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    Comment by Henry E (Wilson County Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Henry, I don’t care if you are a ultra liberal democrat who is a feminist, if you are a father, you got yours handed to you in the family courts just because of your gender. There was no need for the “moderate” designation. There are just as many Democrat fathers and women in paternal families getting screwed as therte are Republicans.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  12. I need to remain anonymous because I work in the NC Courts and see the problems daily. It sickens me that society keeps talking about absent and disinterested parents, then they go to court and get adjudicated to near absent parents. This needs to stop. It breaks my heart daily to see these families leave court dejected.

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    Comment by Anonymous | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Governor Pat McCrory, What in the world is going on with our court system in this country? There is something very disturbing going on and if we as a human race do not wake up and check in with ourselves as how we interact with each other and stop trying to use each other to gain power or this so called self important egotistical image of oneself. I am a 50 yr old male who grew up in a Alcoholic household and have witnessed just about everything you could imagine. My story is slightly different as a non custodial father is my son’s mom and I were never married and when she was killed in a auto accident 3 yrs ago I let him stay with his grandparents so as to keep his routine the same as for school and he would come live with me when school finished. The Grandparents were on board with this approach and I thought it was the right thing to do. Bad mistake that was. That time frame gave the Grandparents more than enough time to placate, manipulate and fabricate things with my then 9 yr old son against me and then go to a judge with these lies etc. My son has been taken from me through a court system that is completely systematical destroying any chance of a meaningful bond with me his dad. Instead he lives with two 76 /78 year old’s and the grandfather is legally blind and in court in front of the judge said out loud “I hate the man ” meaning me his grandson’s father. How in the world could a judge believe that type of attitude could EVER be a good idea to have them get full custody with NO set visitation ! My son is now 12 and it’s been a little over a year the trial and it has been a bad dream. The grandparents when I asked to go to my son’s school this year refused to let me do so? The game or scam is more like it would be to go back to court pay a lawyer just so I could be involved in my son’s schooling. WHY? Also if I were to appeal the judges decision that would be another $10,000 and all we would do the second time is re hash the original trial in front of the same judge. Am I crazy or does this sound pretty ridiculous and or insane. The day I walked into and met my lawyer I had a bad gut feeling and now it’s all said and done my gut was not wrong. I was so naive thinking as long as I tell the truth how could I not win custody of my son, boy I was so very wrong because the grandparents lied and had very selective memory in court while being cross examined. I cannot have a chance to build a relationship especially now at the age of 12 with a boy who needs a male figure to teach him things and play ball ,share ideas and just hang out with daily. Sad sad sad is how it makes me feel. Signed Why did you take my son from me? I hope Governor McCrory answers these questions.

      Like

      Comment by Richard Mirabito | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  13. Just saw this come across the mailing list and WOW, very excellent article. However, I doubt Governor McCrory will address this issue. There are two many power brokers in law firms across NC who need incoming retainers to support their lavish lifestyles.

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    Comment by Andrew (Carteret County NC Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

    • Andrew, thank you for commenting on our article to the Governor. You are correct, there are serious power brokers who love the current family court system, to include lawyers, the domestic violence lobby who loves inflated domestic violence statistics to secure greater funding and provide a gender and sexual politics narrative than only men kill and hurt children, and national organizations that scare mothers into thinking if fathers have shared custody they will die. Of course, in doing so, they accept their gifts and financial contributions. However, 5.5 million non-custodial families screaming and yelling is an awful lot of clout the Governor can’t ignore.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  14. I think that it is pretty sick that society keeps asking where are all the absent and disinterested fathers, then perpetuating a narrative that their is a crisis between divorce fathers and their children. Then, the minute you enter a family court your sent to the margins of your kids life.

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    Comment by Terrance (Durham County NC Father) | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  15. Sadly your story in repeated all over the state as long as Fathers are given no say in family court there are children that will continue to suffer. I could right a book on all the lost time with my kids all the wasted money in legal fees and outlandish support payments ( I was ordered to pay 7500 per month) that could have gone for college Etc. Stay strong do what is best for your kids and keep the faith. One day we as fathers will be recognized as equals, given the chance to raise and build lasting relationships with our children. I hope Governor McCrory and other Republican leaders hear our voices.

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    Comment by chris dudley | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  16. I am a stepmother and I have supported my husband through 6 hard fought years for fair time to spend with his children. We’ve been through it all: false accusations of domestic violence, false accusations of sexual abuse, and countless absurdities she’s told the children about us both in an attempt to alienate us. Not only was my husband found innocent, she was found to be coaching the children and NOTHING happened to her. She creates massively dramatic and stressful situations for the children with her temper and the judge’s solution is reducing my husband’s visitation which serves only to fuel her behavior and give her a sense of victory or vindication. It’s utterly repulsive. On top of that, we have 2 children that love their older siblings and vice versa and they only get to spend every other weekend together. It is up to Republican and Democrat legislators and NC Governor McCrory to tell the judges that the best thing for any child is equal opportunity with both of their parents and throw away the ‘every other weekend’ visitation schedule forever.

    Like

    Comment by Lauren | April 22, 2013 | Reply

  17. Governor McCrory,
    First let me just say that I am thankful you are finally our governor; I voted for you in the past election. That being said, I have high expectations of you as well. I am a step-mom to a child a barely know. My husband is only allowed a few hours with his daughter each week. We are Forsyth County residents. We have been in custody limbo since Dec. 2011. Until there us a custody agreement in place his daughter’s mother only has to allow him 2 hours/wk. My step-daughter is 2.5yrs old. In my eyes she has been legally kidnapped from her father. The “system” has condoned this. For over a year we waited on Guardian ad Litem to complete an investigation. We could not afford an attorney. We live in a house that we rent and have a young, happy, healthy son. The mother of his daughter has lived with her parents since he met her, despite being several years older than him. Despite having monthly bills & minimal visitation he has to pay child support to a woman who has done everything in her power to make him miserable, from telling him she could not conceive children when they met, to telling him she had miscarried their child the week before his mother passed away from cancer, to being verbally abusive (“you’re so ignorant” is one of her favorite responses), to withholding his child from him for weeks (almost 2 months once), to attempting to increase his child support because she enrolled their daughter in an expensive daycare despite her work schedule, or lack there-of, allowed her to keep their daughter at home with her. She refused to let their daughter attend our wedding unless she could be present. She has attempted to interfere with his familial relationships, including ours. She attempted ti take him to court for failure to pay child support when he changed jobs & they had made a repeated clerical error & were trying to correct it, knowing it was coming out of his check & he wasn’t at fault. Most recently, this past Saturday she canceled his weekly 4hr visit because she wanted to spend “quality time” with their daughter & take her to the zoo. She canceled 45min after she was supposed to arrive. She is also off most weekdays & is able to spend quality time with her any day she chooses, she just chooses not to. The child’s maternal grandparents drop her off & pick her up the majority of the time. She arrives late and is picked up early regularly. For the 1st year of this custody case he met his child at either the mall or a park with the mother or grandmother hovering over them. My husband does not have a spotless past from his teenage years however he has more than proved himself as a father. The “system” as it is is maddening. His caseworker from GAL tried to convince him to take the standard agreement of every other weekend, because it is better than what he has now. He desires & deserves to have a relationship with his daughter & to get to spend at least as much time with her as the mother does. Based on the fact that the mother does not spend valuable time with her when she is able, in my opinion he actually desires it more. We obtained an attorney over a year into this custody case as it was going nowhere. We really cannot afford an attorney & it puts us in a financial bind monthly. He is even taking our case at a discount rate on referral. The case has finally started moving and even the GAL said obtaining the attorney makes all the difference. In the state of NC 1 parent can basically kidnap a child from the other parent until that parent can afford to “buy” back their child. Nearly $200 of our monthly income goes to allow a woman to put my husband through the ringer as she exerts control over their child & does everything in her power to prevent meaningful relationships between the child & her paternal relatives, including her father & little brother. I could go on for days about the negative impacts of this system as it is on families & children. It is a proven fact how important fathers are in their children’s development, yet this state supports a system that keeps them from being involved in those precious lives no matter how badly they want to, how much effort they put forth…their best bet is to have deep pockets.

    This is our present situation, we are 2 yrs in and unless something changes it will be our future. Currently we don’t get enough time because of false accusations, besides the ones her atty made in court to question his fitness to get GAL involved. But she has laid the groundwork & we fear based on her disposition, dishonesty, desire to alienate, and the suggestive claims she has made (accused him of being sexually abused b/c he was asked by a teacher to speak at a child abuse awareness event) that she will attempt this once he actually achieves some sort of custody. The manipulation that takes place surrounding children in family court is outrageous!

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    Comment by Erin | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  18. My message to Governor Pat McCrory is that I see a lot of websites excoriating fathers when they do not pay child support, it is all over the news as well. There are countless websites calling out absent fathers. There are any number of educational and government websites stating that fathers need to be more involved in their kids lives and pointing out the problems that fatherlessness brings to children. Yet, in our courts, as well as our politicians, when it comes times to make laws to address those issues, there is no support. In fact, there are many organizations that come out and force politicians to not ratify it. And, our family courts are the single largest institution that is keeping fathers from being more involved. Why in the hell is the State of NC excoriating fathers for not being more active, then doing everything they can to prevent it?

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    Comment by Kara Lee (Guilford County NC Step-Mother) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

    • Could not have said it any better we as fathers are faced with a system that says one thing ( hey fathers are important get involved you kids need you ) yet when you have to go to court to fight for your right to be involved the courts side with the mother over 90% of the time why is that ? When they reward one side with all the power there will always be conflict and the children are the ones that suffer

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      Comment by chris dudley | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  19. Whenever we start talking about shared parenting, and I follow this movement daily, it is always the major women’s rights groups that end up killing state level bills. Yet, it’s women all over the Internet screaming that their child’s father not being more involved. This makes no sense Governor.

    Like

    Comment by Timmy T (Cumberland County NC Father) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  20. Pat McCrory needs to contact both the House and Senate Judiciary Committees and start asking them why they are stalling on Shared Parenting. I can tell you why they are doing it, if parents were to operate under shared parenting, they may learn to get along and not fight court battles, which would mean less billable hours and retainers of $5000 per incident.

    Like

    Comment by Kevin (Boone County NC Father) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  21. I have talked with Democrat and Republican Representatives and Senators who support the idea of joint custody, and I have talked with those that do not support it. The common denominator for those that do not support it is that they are layers (85% of the Judiciary is made up of lawyers) and I fear they are just looking out for the major bread and butter the current system brings them. This really has become an industry that is hurting children.

    Like

    Comment by Patrick L (Pitt County NC Father) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  22. What kills me is that the major feminist groups are the ones preventing shared parenting from being realized in just about every State in American when legislators take up the issue. Yet, it’s feminism that became a movement about human equality for everyone. It don’t see that in this case. I know a lot of NC Senators and Representatives are endorsed by feminist groups. My Representative, Susi Hamilton is one, and I can guarantee that she is opposed to this.

    Like

    Comment by Matt C (New Hanover County NC Father) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  23. Governor McCrory, My husband and I are both non-custodial parents to our biological children. In 2008 my husband was deployed to Iraq when my mother in law made false and wild accusations to gain custody of our two little boys. We have spent thousands of dollars in the courtroom and provided so much evidence that we have never harmed our children but because my mother in law went in for an ex-parte hearing the judge said oh okay you can have the children we don’t need the proof of any allegations you are making. Many state and federal laws were broken in order for my mother in law to gain custody of our children and because my husband is military, we ended being stationed two states away and the courts decided to reduce what little visitation we did have to just school breaks. We continue to spend thousands of dollars each year in attempt to regain custody of our boys, but in the process, our boys are being kept from my side of the family and my family is being denied any contact with them while they are in the care of my mother in law. The courts don’t realize that they are not just hurting the non custodial parents, but they are harming the children by allowing the custodial person to keep them from knowing their families. How is this okay Governor? I have already been in contact with Senator Richard Burr, and he is actually looking into my case. I encourage everyone to continue to support this site and maybe we can get the word out to every senator, representative, governor, mayor, and heck, maybe even the judges will start to listen and look at all the evidence provided in their courtrooms before making such rash decisions that could potentially harm our kids. I hate to remain anonymous but because my husband is military, and my case is still ongoing, I do not want this to affect any outcome. I encourage every non custodial parent to continue fighting for the best interest of you child because every child deserves to have a mom and a dad equally. I did not have my dad growing up, lucky for me it was not because of the courts, but I know what it feels like to grow up wondering about the other part of your family.

    Like

    Comment by anonymous | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  24. I am a master sergeant in the United States Marine Corp who hasn’t seen his daughter in three years Governor McCrory because the mother left our marriage while I was on deployment to Afghanistan and moved to Kentucky (I am stationed at Camp Lejeune in Jacksonville NC and Onslow County). During my custody hearing, the Judge said because I was in the military and am subject to deployment, then I was not a good option for custody or anything resembling shared parenting. I should not be excluded from my daughter because I serve our country. To add insult to injury, women in the military do not lose their children because they are subject to deployment. I support this site and am encouraging other military fathers to support this site.

    Like

    Comment by SSGT Cameron DeLaney (Onslow County NC Father at Camp Lejeune) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

    • Cameron, I am stationed at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville NC and the Cumberland County NC Courts gave me the same shaft with my son. The Judge also suggested that I was probably dealing with undiagnosed PTSD and didn’t trust it. I have no PTSD issues because I have not seen combat.

      Like

      Comment by Brice Evans (Cumberland County NC Father at Fort Bragg) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  25. This is just a simple comment to let Governor Pat McCrory know that I, my wife (step-mother) and our entire extended family will be following NC Fathers to see if you offer a response and are willing to work with Democrats and Republicans in the NC Legislature to end the bias and financially motivated family courts so that our family can begin to develop a natural relationship with my children that the State of NC stole from us.

    Like

    Comment by Tim and Karen Sutherland (Mecklenburg County NC Father and Step-Mother) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  26. My Lost Love, My Lost Child

    I wonder what you’re doing
    and how you’re living life
    what new things did you learn today
    and how did you sleep last night
    did you feel raindrops on your face
    or sunshine in your eye
    of all the questions left uknown
    the biggest one is why
    why can’t we be together
    why can’t I watch you grow
    why can’t I guide you through this world
    this I just don’t know
    but I promise we’ll be together
    no matter how long it seems
    just know your always in my heart
    and always in my dreams

    Like

    Comment by Navin R. Johnson | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  27. PARENTAL ALIENATION

    Like

    Comment by Navin R. Johnson | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  28. Governor McCrory, Obama has made mention of how many children go through life without constant father involvement. What he never addressed is that some of these children go through it at the hands of the mother. The father is in the picture. Being denied visitation of his children. Sitting in court rooms month after month that leads to years after years just fighting for the given rights to see his own children. Thousands spent just so he can call his son to say Happy Birthday without a fear of the mothers response. This father emails teacher, goes to baseball, and gymnastics. They pay child support without the state forcing them too. They have been pushed to the sidelines and have to fight their way back in. It’s not fair. It’s not right. Children shouldn’t have to suffer through this. If parents can’t come up with their own agreement the state needs to step in and allow both parents ample time with their children. Equal time. Time to teach them to throw a ball, say their prayers at night & wake up to their groggy faces the next morning. To help with homework and study for test, Teach them to ride a bike, tie their shoes and read. It should never be assumed that because a relationship with the parents didn’t work out that it means one parent wants less to do with their children. It should be assumed that both parents love their children more than life itself. It should be assumed that they both want to raise them, to instill morals and values that will go with them through their lives. A parent needs their mother and father. An adult still calls Mom and Dad for advice and help. Instead of hindering this relationship please help support it!

    Like

    Comment by Staci (NC Step-Mother) | April 23, 2013 | Reply

  29. Governor McCrory, I have been completely alienated from my only child for the last two and a half years of her life. I am currently on my second lawyer and now I have inconsistent visitation with my daughter at the therapist office at the rate of 95,00 dollars an hour and the only thing I did was divorce my husband and start dating someone that he did not like. This system needs reform and truth. Please help this cause. There are many children in this state alone that are without a parent because our court systems are failing them. I am a great mom and I know my child needs me in her life. All children deserve the right of both parents equally in their lives. Can you please help us all become a family again Governor?

    Like

    Comment by Donna | April 24, 2013 | Reply

  30. I am calling on Governor Pat McCrory and other Republicans in NC to end Title IV-D federal money generation from child support collection. I suspect when legislators set this up they never envisioned that one day it would be used to make sure Welfare stayed in the black. Nowadays ALL Fathers are made non-custodial on purpose so they pay greater child support so the State of NC can get greater federal money because they have become dependent on this money. Seems to me Fathers are disposable. Are you a disposable Father Governor? Neither am I!

    Like

    Comment by Jack (Carteret County NC) | June 6, 2013 | Reply

    • And, as a mother married to a shared custody, he has his daughter, she has the son, father who pays $350/month( reduced rate due to the fact that she didn’t pay a dime the 3.5 years we had custody, and we also have 2 small children, under 10, a mortgage, utilities, food, etc. we can barely pay our bills any longer and surely it’s a matter of time until she has us back in court for more! Judge Keever, CUMBERLAND CO NC, Completely dismissed the fact that the daughter, 16 yrs old hadn’t seen her mom in a year or didn’t want too, and hasn’t seen her in 2 years since! But we still pay shared custody support! It’s irrelevant if my kids are clothed and fed I suppose as long as their 3 person household has a kitchen remodel, vacations, new cars, etc. right? It’s bullshit. I was a single mom for 3 years with no help and NC DENIED me food stamps because I made $15 too much before taxes!! I worked, and I survived, and took care of my son and my mom, and this greedy cow who doesn’t even have her son on medication he needs, according to numerous doctors, or doesn’t do shit for her daughter, and we still buy the son school supplies and things, deserves money that could benefit our kids! I don’t have a problem paying the support, if I could put it in an account specifically designated for clothing, school, and necessities for the child! Not her home Renovations n travel!

      Like

      Comment by Mel | January 12, 2014 | Reply

  31. I am calling on the NC Governor to encourage legislators to bring a shared parenting bill that AT LEAST has 35% non-discretionary visitation for Fathers so that Judges can’t abuse their power anymore and use the blanket “best interest of the children” to alienate fathers from their children.

    Like

    Comment by Andrew (Onslow County NC) | June 6, 2013 | Reply


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