NC Fathers Rights

Democratic Women of North Carolina, Their Own War

Democratic Women of North CarolinaNC Fathers believes that the Democratic Women of North Carolina forgets that they are inadvertently creating their own war on women in the areas of family law and domestic violence. Since starting our organization, we are finding that women in paternal and non-custodial families have come out very strongly with their concerns regarding these two issues and we felt it was time to write a blog outlining their concerns. While primarily an organization of non-custodial parents in North Carolina who seeks family law reform for the presumption of non-discretionary equally shared parenting, we also advocate for all family members in the non-custodial family who are equally invested in their grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and step-children. The Democratic Women of North Carolina should recognize that in their efforts centered around Women’s Rights, specifically Mother’s Rights, which mandates that Fathers must either not gain custody of their children or have equal parentage and be pushed to the outer margins of their children’s lives as visitors and child support payers, they are actually hurting more Women that Fathers. The Women include paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, aunts, and daughters who love their Fathers. The Democratic Women of North Carolina should also remember that roughly half of NC Mothers have male children who will one day be marginalized in the NC Family Courts by Democratic policies that demand Mother centered family courts. Essentially, this organization’s efforts is helping to create great pain for the male children in the future if they experience divorce, and will likely be hurting many future non-custodial grandmothers.

Carteret County families

How many of the Women featured in the video below have Male children? How many are paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, sisters of Men, and daughters of Men who have been equally hurt in the biased family courts?

Posts related to the Democratic Women of North Carolina – NC Democratic Party, Representative Susi Hamilton

Visit the Leading Women for Shared Parenting Website

Women Voters in Non-Custodial Families

If you are Woman in a paternal or non-custodial paternal family who has been affected by the extremely divisive family courts, or by domestic violence policies that helped alienate your sons, husbands, fathers, and nephews from their children and homes then we encourage you to click on the red and blue graphic below to view a significant list of issues we have identified as leading to the situation you are in regarding your grandchildren or step-children. Additionally, we ask that you and members of the Democratic Women of North Carolina read our article on the NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence before continuing with this article.

Women

Democratic Women of North Carolina and Family Law Issues

Below is a list compiled by Women in our organization from all 100 NC counties who demand that the Democratic Women of North Carolina respond to is relates to family law and the courts:

  • By attempting to create a court system that maintains the Mother and Child relationship only at the demise of a Father’s equal interest in his child’s life, how exactly can the Democratic Party continue it’s claim as the party of equality? How many paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, aunts, and other Women in paternal families watched as their Sons summarily lost their attempts to be equal parents after a divorce or relationship breakdown and were court ordered to be child support obligated four day a month visitor remanded to federal enforcement?
  • How many Women in paternal families have watched as the family courts have allowed Mothers to move their children hundreds and thousands of miles away from active and loving fathers and how has this affected your ability to be a active and supportive grandmother or step-mother?
  • How many Women in paternal families have watched their Sons go to jail because of poverty, illness, or loss of employment that prevented them from being on-time with their child support payments and not have the ability to get assistance because of their non-custodial status? How many Women voters in NC from paternal families have visited their children in jail because of tough economic times while knowing that the Mother of their young loved ones has access to housing assistance, food assistance, educational assistance, daycare assistance, medical assistance, dental assistance, financial assistance, job assistance, and tax incentives to make ends meet in tough economic times but call your Sons “Deadbeats” because they don’t have the same access to these services?
  • NC Fathers wonders how many supporters of the Democratic Women of North Carolina have had sons lose total access to their children because they did not have access to $20,000 family law attorneys to obtain basic rights to their children when a Mother left a marriage or relationship and prevented any access to the child(ren) unless a Judge gave visitation? Our organization estimates that there are tens of thousands of Fathers (and their families) in NC this happens to every year.
  • How many Democratic Women in paternal families have witnessed how the family courts encourage two parents to excoriate each other in the family court process in order to win custody, and in doing so both parents spending $20,000 each with lawyers only to win exactly what you would have gotten if you didn’t even show up to court? How many Women in paternal and maternal families would like to see this money go towards their kids educational fund, medical fund, or money to start a business or put a down payment on a home?

War

Democratic Women of North Carolina and Domestic Violence Policies

NC Fathers statement on Domestic Violence For Democratic Women of North Carolina To Consider

NC-COALITION-AGAINST-DOMESTIC-VIOLENCEDomestic Violence in North Carolina is a serious issue facing all of humanity, not just Women. Violence reduction against all humans requires a collaborative effort that is solution and evidence based; not grounded in governmental politics,  sexual politics or gender ideology. Amelioration efforts must encompass proven interventions, both in treating victims and perpetrators and in providing legal remedies that serve the purpose of amelioration.

All these strategies must produce a sustained effort with informed sensitivities to men, women, and in particular, children, instead of using misdirection and other tactics that are designed to further ideological agendas and fund organizations.

Unfortunately, in North Carolina the only efforts aimed at ending Domestic Violence is geared towards male on female violence, harassment, intimidation, and control while denying that violence happens in ALL marriages and domestic partnerships including those relationships within the LGBT community.

As a Women in a paternal family, you need to know that federal laws which define what is considered as domestic violence includes things like raising one’s voice, slamming a door in anger, pointing a finger, or any other action that causes a person to “FEEL” like they are afraid or in danger. As a Woman in a paternal family you need to know that Domestic Violence prosecution is not based on innocent until proven guilty, but rather preponderance of the evidence which simply means that absent any evidence or witnesses to an allegation of violence, a Judge can still find guilty if he/she feels that the LIKELIHOOD is greater that violence PROBABLY occurred.

Under the conditions of domestic violence definitions being so low that any act could reasonably be considered domestic violence and there not needing to be any evidence of abuse to have your sons, brothers, and fathers convicted, this has led to a culture of false allegations that are becoming the normal thing to use as a tactical advantage in child custody battles and they are being used at astonishing rates to win custody. Each day our organization hears from Women in North Carolina paternal families who tell us that they are witnessing this happen on a frequent basis. With this in mind, we are encouraging Democratic Women in North Carolina to find ways to bring evidenced based and gender neutral laws to the area of Domestic Violence so that this culture of false allegations can be dealt with and so that we can end ALL violence in North Carolina. Our organization also encourages members of the Democratic Women of North Carolina to consider the fact that as the false allegations become more common and Women talking about their occurrences, it will eventually start casting a shadow of doubt on ALL Domestic Violence allegations that could hurt victims of actual violence.

If you are a Woman in a paternal family or non-custodial family who identifies with this article, we ask that you share this article on the many social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and other networks to help us educate other non-custodial families about the issues discussed in this article. Additionally, we encourage you to use the comment section below to leave comments on what you would like to see Democratic Women in North Carolina do to resolve these issues. Lastly, we encourage you to join our MAILING LIST and FACEBOOK PAGE to help us in our efforts to bring about comprehensive family law reform and sensible domestic violence policies that focus on ALL violence in North Carolina.

North Carolina

Roughly half of custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand then? With Equally Shared Parenting?

Democratic Party

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June 1, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized

31 Comments »

  1. Excellent article. I wonder if the Democratic Women of North Carolina realize how many step-mothers, grandmothers, and others realize this or are they too focused on perpetuating a war on women idea that actually throws many women under the bus? I know I am one of those paternal grandmothers.

    Like

    Comment by Paulette | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  2. Just saw this on the mailing list and GREAT ARTICLE. It is time more of us defend our sons against these family courts judges who are doing horrible things to families.

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    Comment by Alex | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  3. Step-Mother in Wake County who very much identifies with this article and I vote Democrat. This is REALLY happening. I have seen it first hand with my new husband.

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    Comment by Dawn | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  4. It is amazing how many mothers in North Carolina who are working so hard to maintain custody and control of their children are actually doing their own sons so much damage when they become men. This is a very sick system we have in North Carolina and affects many African-American families.

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    Comment by Jamal | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  5. Good article but I suspect Democratic Women only care about their base and have no interest in Men’s or Fathers issues. They are too blind and simply focused on Mother’s Rights.

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    Comment by Kenneth | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Kenneth, to a point we agree, and why this article was written hoping to make this organization realize their mistakes.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  6. Democratic Women have a LONG history with radical feminist, not first wave feminist who fought for human rights for all, but second wave feminist who want Woman control at the demise of Men. I suspect the second wave types are very much in control of this organization and have no interest in women in paternal families unfortunately.

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    Comment by Frank | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Frank, I caution you just a tad, while yes radical feminism has it’s roots in the Democratic Party I know many feminist who support equally shared parenting on the grounds of human rights. I get that your angst is with the new era feminist groups that hates men and should be labeled as a hate group.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  7. Just shared on Twitter and Facebook! Could not have said it better myself!

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    Comment by Julie K | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  8. My Son has not seen his daughter in 5 years because the Mother left NC while he was at work and we do not have the money to hire a lawyer so you are damn straight I agree with this article. I miss my granddaughter!

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    Comment by Shirley | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  9. You really should submit this to many of the conservative newspapers because it is a clear example of how Democrats fight so hard for their voters only not realizing how many people in their own party get hurt. Family law affects EVERYONE, in all cultures and backgrounds.

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    Comment by Jeff R | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  10. I am a Democratic Voter and Father who very much supports this organization, thank you for everything you do.

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    Comment by Scott S | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  11. Quite frankly I am tired of Women using domestic violence as a card they play in effort to dissuade any type of Fathers Rights issues from coming up. It’s like they want domestic violence to exists so they have a card to play. Women commit domestic violence, men commit it, and gays and lesbians commit it but you will never see this organization men that.

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    Comment by Kevin (Chapel Hill NC) | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  12. Here is an interesting comparison for Democratic Women to consider, if in 2013 84% of Women could not vote, this organization be out in force even if the politicians said that everything is fine the way it is. But when it comes to 84% of Women getting custody of their children in a State the has no presumption for who gets custody this organization stands idle? Yea, that is equality for you.

    Like

    Comment by Derrick | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  13. I was raised by my Father from the age of one years old after my Mother died so I am a advocate that Men can raise children to be healthy and successful and hate the way organizations paint Fathers out to always be deadbeat and wife beaters. My father is an honorable Man who did the right thing and I believe that there are many like him who never get that opportunity because of the way our courts are biased.

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    Comment by Shannon | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  14. The war on women? You mean like the fact that there are no Men’s Studies programs on any NC campus, or Men’s and children’s hospitals? Or like how 99% of the military coming home in body bags are Men? Or the 8 decade long bias of Fathers in the courts? Or that Men outnumber Women by 50% in homelessness? That 84.7% of Women make up students in college? Or that breast cancer funding is four times higher than prostrate cancer? That War on Women?

    Like

    Comment by Eric | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Eric, we have a custodial father in our group who has a small child that has bad asthma and was referred to a Dr at Chapel Hill Women and Children hospital and the Mother didn’t go. He reported that every healthcare professional through the process made some comment like “we can wait on your wife if you want” or “Where is your wife so that we can get a detailed history of the child’s asthma episodes”.

      So yes clearly this hospital is geared towards Women’s only healthcare which is shame because UNC Hospitals represents a higher caliber of healthcare in the country. We suggested to him that he try the hospital in Greenville NC.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

      • Well here is the deal, if ANYONE can get world class healthcare at UNC Hospitals, then why is there a Women’s Hospital anyway? And, if you make the argument, which is a tough sell in 2013 that Women are still behind in healthcare what happens when they aren’t anymore? You think this hospital will be re-named or torn down? Of course not. It will continue to be a shining example to all Men who enter the campus that boys and men are disposable.

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        Comment by Eric | June 1, 2013

  15. Has anyone ever considered what these Women think of their Fathers or Male Children? That scares me.

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    Comment by Greg H | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  16. Good article but you could have made a stronger statement by pointing out other groups within the democratic party who get hit by these issues and that includes African-American and Hispanic fathers and the women in their families. And, studies have shown that the only fathers going to jail over child support are those in poverty. So, I wonder if democratic women are prepared to thrown African-American, Hispanics, and those in poverty aside to advocate for Women’s and Mother’s rights?

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    Comment by Antwon | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Antwon, wow, what a very powerful comment that we did not think about. Thank you for bringing this up and supporting the organization.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  17. Saw this on the mailing list and it peaked my interest because I am a Woman and Democratic voter, but I am also a step-mother who supports shared parenting because I have witnessed my new husband in agony over not seeing his children and who has almost gone bankrupt fighting the courts for a few more overnights per week. Sorry that I cannot join you guys on Facebook but I am not the best with computers.

    Like

    Comment by Ariana | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Ariana, we understand and are just glad to see Women in paternal families standing up to legislators and judges about their clear bias against fathers, and for sending the message to the Democratic Women of North Carolina they they are hurting many of you in our families.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  18. Don’t you run the risk of being called misogynistic in this post? I mean I don’t see anything that says you hate women, I just see where you are advocating for an equal system in the courts and with domestic violence. But there is no doubt this blog will be called misogynistic.

    Like

    Comment by Jemal | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Jemal, your right, many who view this blog will call in misogyny but that is a term feminist throw out to make you bad if you attempt to discuss Women’s issues as a man in an attempt to shut you up. Or, to make you out to be a woman hater if you disagree with ANYTHING they say. We are tired of living with that card held over our heads. Democrats and Republicans have the same cards they use against each other and it’s high school level tactics in our opinion. We can advocate for fathers on women’s issues and for women in paternal families without being haters. But yea, they will try.

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  19. I have a perfect example. My husband is tied up in the whole family court system and the ex-wife is bitter and wants him to suffer. The two boys see this all the time. A few weeks ago my oldest stepson and I was in the yard he was hitting golf balls and made the comment I’m gonna be the next Tiger Woods… I said why so you can get married and she will take all of your money? He’s says no all but that! There no woman gonna take all my money he said. All I could do is bite my tongue and say OK. Because the way his mother has handled things with his father is the thing he says isn’t going to happen to him and when it does he will be old enough for me to say go thank your mom she helped all of this happen!!!!

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    Comment by freidt2012 | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Here is a better example, my daughter is witnessing her mother have the seventh child 5th baby daddy and I was discussing discretely that I do not want that for any daughter and the financial struggle that would bring. My daughter replied that children are a blessing and that if times are hard she would get help from her baby daddies. My jaw dropped and so did my hope for that branch of the family tree. It is strange that my ex’s mail box looks like a phone book. Let us all bow our heads and pray for the children, all hope is is lost for adults.

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      Comment by Rasheed | June 26, 2013 | Reply

  20. The information you linked to in this article about the Democratic Party as a whole, regarding family law issues for gay and lesbian marriages is interesting. I support gay marriage, and I support them having children but what about when two Women divorce? Or two Men divorce? Is this organization calling for equal parenting then but deny Men in heterosexual marriages/divorces shared parenting?

    Like

    Comment by Tom | June 2, 2013 | Reply

  21. Saw this on the mailing list this morning and yes I very much identify with this article and just shared on Facebook. I am a paternal grandmother who has not seen her grandson in 7 years because the courts allowed her to move the kids to Nebraska after she met a Marine online and left my Son. I also vote Democrat and support this organization and their efforts as a Woman.

    Like

    Comment by Claire | June 2, 2013 | Reply

  22. I am a paternal grandmother that very much identifies with this article and want to thank you for writing it. I have witnessed false allegations, how the courts turn us away from our kids, run up huge legal bills, and is used for politics.

    Like

    Comment by Sharon Salmon Raleigh | June 6, 2013 | Reply

  23. I am both a custodial mother and non-custodial step-mother so I see both sides of this issue as a Woman. Shared parenting works great with me and my ex as it allows more time for me to go to school and work. But in my current marriage, my husbands ex very much uses the court system to prevent access to his children which I think constitutes abuse.

    Like

    Comment by Joyce (Democratic Voter) | June 6, 2013 | Reply


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