NC Christmas Stories By Non-Custodial Families – Parental Alienation

Christmas time in NC should be special for everyone, especially children. But for children of divorce and relationship breakdown, but because of parental alienation it rarely is. Additionally,  there is another group of people in NC who dread Christmas, and those are non-custodial parents, grandparents, step-parents, aunts and uncles, and step-siblings who consistently see controlling, malicious, and entitled parents withhold child visitation with the non-custodial family for various reason. And, this is usually done with the courts permission because they refuse to make custodial interference in NC a crime. To this day, Judges in North Carolina continue to not realize that it costs a malicious parent $0 to alienate a child from a non-custodial family, but cost the non-custodial parent and family several thousands of dollars via the courts to stop this abuse – but it very rarely stops because Judges are notorious for not putting a stop to it. If this parental alienation happens at Christmas time, and the courts are closed until January, then the non-custodial family is out of luck. And for children who simply want to see the other half of the family, they suffer the most.

Below are Christmas stories from non-custodial families in North Carolina who tell their story of court approved parental alienation (If you want to tell yours, CLICK HERE):

Johnston County, NC
The last time I saw my daughter was Christmas 2005. I was able to drive to her mothers house ( at the risk of losing my job) on Christmas Eve only to be made to wait for her mother to cooperate. I then had to drive straight home to FL to be back to work. I was able to spend little time with her but we made the most of it. My daughter was 9 then and asked a lot of questions about her mother and I. She asked me then why she couldn’t live with me and I knew that I couldn’t honestly answer. I returned her back to her home in NC on December 30 day before her birthday. I had a bitter sweet visit with her. I called my daughter the next day to wish her a happy birthday and I was informed by her mother that she was busy with her real and true family and couldn’t talk. That was the last time I saw my beautiful daughter.

Catawba County, NC

My daughter’s birthday is Christmas Eve. It was on that day, her 4th birthday, back in 2001 that I would unknowingly have my last visitation with her. I cherished that day with her just as much as any day that I was allowed to visit with her, because I knew then that each day could be my last with her.

Like many non-custodial parents, I had gone through the nasty divorce. I tried to be the nice guy and do only what was best for my daughter because I did not want her to feel the side effects of her parents’ court battle. I went to the mediation, while my ex did not. I even offered primary custody and child support to my ex. She declined my original offer, instead electing to fight it out in court (and eventually ending up with the same thing I originally offered her, 2 years and thousands of dollars later). She had a vengeance against me and she knew she could use our daughter to ruin me.

In the two years after our split, I was harassed by my ex, had several false allegations thrown at me, and had to see my daughter get beat down emotionally from her own mother’s actions. It got to the point where I had to meet my ex at the police station to pick up and drop off my daughter. I was even arrested and thrown in jail one night while dropping my daughter off. The police told me that my ex had claimed I tried to run her over with my car when picking my daughter up earlier that afternoon. I was shocked that they would throw me in jail on a made up story with absolutely no evidence, but they said it was required by law because it was domestic. My lawyer made my ex look like a buffoon on the stand, constantly catching her in her own lies. Even though the judge found me not guilty and threw the case out, I was constantly scared of what my ex was capable of and what would happen next.

The hardest part of my visitations with my daughter was taking her back at the end of the weekend. She always got really quiet with a somber look when she knew she had to go back home. At first, I would ask her what was wrong and she would always reply that she was sad to go home because “mommy will be mad at me for talking about you”. I eventually quit asking and just tried my best to stay positive with a smile for her.

One weekend my daughter came to my house with bruises up and down her back, as well as on her arms. She told me that her mommy had hit her with a blue broom because she was talking about me. At first, I played it cool and tried to play it off as a kid with a big imagination, even though my daughter was extremely smart and honest for her age. After she told me the same story for about the third or fourth time, I decided I had to call the police. When the officer arrived, my daughter told him the same detailed story, and he said the bruises were consistent with her story. He called social services. My daughter then clammed up and wouldn’t speak. Social services let her go back to her mother’s home the next day.

This only added fuel to the fire that was already burning out of control with my ex. Next thing I knew, social services was calling me with an off-the-wall story my ex told them. I was investigated because my daughter had allegedly taken all her clothes off in a furniture store while with her mother, and did a “naughty dance” that she had apparently learned at my house. When I laughed at the social services guy for even telling me that crazy accusation, he told me he knew she was lying too. I told him my daughter would have never taken her clothes off in a store while in my custody because I would have stopped her. The social services guy confronted my ex and threatened to take custody from her, and she confessed to making the whole thing up. Finally, my daughter and I would get some justice, right? Wrong! My ex was given a slap on the wrist and only had to take a parenting class.

Needless to say, I had learned from all of these horrific experiences that my daughter would most likely be torn apart from me at some point. I knew I had to make the most of each minute of each visit while I still had the chance. I took my daughter to fun places like the zoo, park, and beach all the time so she would hopefully have lots of good memories from being with me. More importantly, I gave her hugs and kisses every chance I got. I told her I loved all the time.

We had a great 4th birthday party on Christmas Eve back in 2001. My daughter was happy with the ballerina dress and ruby red slippers she received. We played, ate cake, and even opened some Christmas presents. As the night drew near, I knew it was almost time to take my daughter back to the police station to meet her mother. Then, an instinct came over me. I pulled my daughter to the side for a one on one heart to heart talk. As I kneeled down, eye to eye with my little girl, I told her again that I loved her. I explained to her that I would always love her no matter what happened in our lives. In the most indirect way possible, I told her that she and I may not always get to be together in person but that we could speak to each other through our prayers. She listened intensely, and agreed. We hugged, I told her I loved her one last time, and then I dropped her off for the last time.

As I went to pick my daughter up the following week for my weekly Wednesday afternoon visitation, I thought about how we could talk all about Christmas and the presents she had received. I was excited for her to be able to play with some of the toys Santa had left at my house. The problem was that my ex didn’t show up that day. I waited a half hour past our scheduled time just to be sure. The bad feeling I had in my stomach was my instincts telling me that this was just the beginning.

After a few weeks of my daughter being withheld from me, against the court-ordered custody agreement, and along with my failed attempts to contact my ex, I decided I had to try something. I called the police to see if they could help me pick up my daughter at the scheduled visitation time. They said they could do nothing and to contact the magistrate. The magistrate told me I’d need to get a lawyer and file contempt. I didn’t have any money to get another attorney and continue the never-ending fight against the ex. I also knew that it wasn’t necessarily the best thing for my daughter to go through the mess she had to deal with in returning from visiting me. I said a big prayer and threw in the towel. Never before and never since have I felt more helpless, sad, and betrayed.

I always hoped and prayed that one day, when my daughter was old enough, she would look me up. I even ran into her one time at the movie store since we lived in the same city all those years. Her mother grabbed her and ran out the door as I told my girl I loved her. Earlier this year, I got tired of waiting. I thought, “She’s 15 now so with all the social media, maybe I can look her up”. I went on Facebook, and of course I was blocked from her. I messaged a couple of friends from her school explaining I was her father and asked them to relay the message to her.

It was January of 2013, over 11 years since I had last spoken with or visited my daughter, when I finally got to speak with her again. Unfortunately, it didn’t go anything like I had hoped. My daughter called me in regards to the message her friends had relayed to her for me. When I answered the phone, I was shaking. My daughter proceeded to tell me to never try to contact her again, to stop harassing her friends, and to stop humiliating her. She sounded like her mother had programmed her to be exactly like her.

My own daughter hated me, even though she didn’t know me. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t harassed her friends or her. I was simply a lonesome father reaching out to contact his long-lost daughter. Sure enough, my ex filed to get a restraining order on me. The judge said there was absolutely no basis for the order so he denied it. While in court defending myself, I thought I’d go ahead and ask for my visitation rights to be enforced. He ordered another hearing.

Knowing that I would be going to court and most likely see my daughter again after all those years, I started researching what my options were. I knew I would represent myself, due to my disgust of the North Carolina court system and all attorneys and judges associated with it. As I researched, I came across Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). The only thing that would have made PAS seem more real to me would have been if my daughter’s picture would have been on the page next to it. I couldn’t believe that I’d never heard of it, yet my daughter and I were victims of it. Criteria I: Access and Contact Blocking – check. Criteria 2: Unfounded abuse allegations – check. Criteria 3: Deterioration in Relationship Since Separation – check. Criteria 4: Intense Fear Reaction by Children – check. In my research, I learned that PAS usually doesn’t hold up in court because it is so difficult to prove and because it isn’t recognized as an official medical diagnosis. I really started to fear my court date.

In preparing for my court case, a crazy thing happened. I received an email from my ex-wife’s mother. Back in the day, she was side by side with my ex in keeping me out of my daughter’s life. Now, she had changed. She told me how my ex was keeping my daughter and her siblings from seeing her or any of the grandparents. We made amends, and I was shocked that she was willing to go to court with me against her own daughter. That made me feel even more awkward, yet a little hopeful, about going to court. My ex was alienating all of her kids from family.

It was at that court hearing in January 2013 that I got to see my beautiful 15 year old daughter after 11 years. She had grown so much since the last time she was with me as a prissy little 4 year old. Unfortunately, that day didn’t go very well either. Representing myself, I got to question my daughter on the stand in hopes to convince her or the judge that I still deserved my court-ordered visitation rights, and that she was alienated from me due to her mother. My daughter recalled only negative, false memories that her mother had instilled in her. She recalled specific details of a night in which I allegedly took her back to the police station naked after a visitation with her. This never happened. Yet, she didn’t recall going to the zoo, park, beach, or any of the many good times we’d had. I was speechless.

In the end, the judge said he didn’t care what my argument was regarding Parental Alienation Syndrome or if my ex-wife was at fault. He only cared what my 15 year old daughter wanted. She was obviously given no choice by her mother other than to keep me out of her life. I once again threw in the towel, slammed my briefcase shut, and told my daughter I loved her as I stormed out of the court in tears. There was only one minor consolation that day: two separate gentlemen who were in that court awaiting their cases heard my arguments in my case, and approached me at a restaurant later to tell me they were proud of me for fighting for my daughter and for alerting them of the reality of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I guess misery loves company.

The court system and social services program in North Carolina have betrayed me, as much as my ex has betrayed my daughter. From day one, there was never a chance for an even remotely healthy relationship with my girl. There was never a chance for justice of any type. I, and thousands of others like myself, am just another case number that represents money in the court system’s pocket. Parental Alienation Syndrome may not be an official medical diagnosis yet, but it is undeniable child abuse. The mental abuse that has been inflicted upon my daughter and thousands of other children like her, is every bit as damaging as physical abuse. The courts are oblivious to parental alienation because they choose to be, not because they’re that stupid that they don’t realize it exists.

As Christmas nears each year, I am thankful for what I have and the good times my daughter and I had. Quality time with your child is more important that the quantity of time. I have no regrets in looking back at my actions, only regrets that situations like these are allowed to and continue to occur. As I sit here and write this, I’m thinking that my story is one that many of you are living right now. I pray for all of the alienated children and parents out there, and I pray that those who are guilty of alienating their children can somehow overcome their personal greed for the sake of their children. Peace, Love, and Happiness to all. Merry Christmas!

Carteret County, NC

My ex-wife left our marriage after she reunited with an ex-boyfriend from high school days while on Facebook. She left while I was at work and I had no way of knowing where my son was. I hired a PI and they found her 3 months later living in another state. The PI costs $3000 and then I had to hire a lawyer at $7000 in the State she was living in. So you are correct, it costs her $0 to do what she did and costs me $10,000 just to get to court. That was Christmas two years ago. One would think the Judge would take into account what she did, but decided that since 3 months had passed my son was acclimated where he was even though she did it back handed.

My mother and my son are very close and this has put a massive stress on my mother who is not handling this Christmas very well, and it has literally killed me even though I am still walking. Parental alienation in North Carolina is very real.

Wake County, NC

I am a non-custodial mother who has not seen her child in 2 years because I simply do not have the money to hire a lawyer, and he did. Thus, I can not even get court ordered visitation. I have been told if I ever get the money, too much time will have gone by and I can expect to get minimal visitation and run the risk of having my parental rights removed because it looks like I do not want to be involved when I do, I just don’t have the money.

Thank you for my second worst Christmas of my life, and thank you NC Judges for creating a divisive system!

Guilford County, NC

My son has not seen his 2 boys in over a year. His EX-wife moved them to the other side of the State. The courtS told him that he could call them on Mondays and Thursdays, and he tries to get hold of them, but there is no answer on the phone. Even worse, he had to sell his car to pay for an attorney, and is paying so much in child support that he can’t afford to buy another car! This Christmas will be very rough for him, as was Thanksgiving. And I too am alienated from my Grandchildren. Our hearts are broken, and can only hope that at sometime we will see them again.