Custodial Mothers
Roughly half of custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand then? With Equally Shared Parenting?
Is It Time To End Motherhood To Show We Are Important?
What happens when your day comes to be the non-custodial grandmother? All this time fighting for your rights only to hurt your sons and future grandchildren?
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When Child Support is Good, and When Child Support is Bad for NC Fathers (click the image below)
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NC Fathers Rights 
This site is so sad… There are fathers out there that have been working the system, and all I hear is that you want to make my child suffer more so her dad can sleep better at night? Your plan is to help a few (very small) and harm a majority? Not sure I get the logic. Over 50% of my income takes care of my child. He only has to give up 15-10%. He dosen’t not want to visit his child and u want to reward him.. This saddens me.
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Hi JES,
Can you show me where you got your data that the majority of moms are good and the minority of dads are bad? And you think that there aren’t mom’s working the system? We recognize the fact that there are fathers who do not want to visit their child or have equal parentage. This site is for the ones that do but are denied. You point out that he does not want to visit more, but I suspect you would not want that as it would lower your support amount. Also, remember fathers don’t have access to 9-10 public assistance programs and tax incentives to make ends meet. We don’t get at abort, adopt out, or hand a child over to a safe haven facility to escape our responsibilities. JES, put you halp away.
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I would like to express and interst in this group. I am a mother and I lived in NC for over 23yrs. I had to flee NC to my home state of Maryland, so my son and I would be safe from his dad. I filed for custody in MD and had lived here for 16 months. My ex had his lawyer file contempt charges on me and I had to appear in Onslow County, in front of Judge Sarah C. Seaton. I appeared before her with all my paperwork of abuse and threats from my ex, to me and my son. Of course I had a court appointed lawyer, as my ex is behind in child support 12 grand and never has paid one red cent of his alimony… With this being said, Judge Seaton stated that she didn’t care what paperwork I had. She told me that my child was going to visit his dad and since that didn’t happen then I was going to jail. She ordered me to jail for 48 hrs and changed my primary custody to none. My family in MD was astonished. They decided to go to the court system here in Talbot County MD. The judge here said that there wasnt enough evidence to support abuse, and denied temp custody of my son to my mom. Now back in NC, My ex informs his lawyer that my family are hiding my son and she keeps me in jail indefinately until my family hands over the child. My ex admitted to Judge Seaton that he is a pharmaceutical junkie in court about 3 months prior to me being thrown in jail. Now, my ex has my son, MD closed the custody case based on the fact that the child no longer resided in MD, and my son has wrecked a car his dad bought him, been to the pricipals office numerous times, and now has failing grades. JUSTICE… not for my son. I call him MY son, because I and I alone have had to support this child on one salary… mine.. and I have been the one who is there when things go wrong, not dear old dad… Dad is busy flashing money around in NC like he is something great, racing in a drag car that is one inch off the ground, all the while claiming he has a bad back… Child support enforcement in Onslow County is a joke, and so is their courts and judges. So when someone figures out who has jurisdiction and gives me the name of some great lawyers who are hungry enough to help me with my case, PLEASE keep me and my son in mind. He is 14, he has ADHD, and Tourette Syndrome and WAS doing great in MD, now he is back to being labeled a bad child in NC…
He wants to come home where he is loved and actually wanted…
Oh, and since Judge Seaton didnt give me a hearing as to why she kept me over the 48 hrs, I will definately need a good civil rights lawyer… any one want to make a name for themselves… my email is [withheld]
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Hi B,
As a non-custodial family advocate, for both fathers and mothers, normally we would advocate on your behalf. But, I have to tell you that your comment struck MANY major issues that prevent us from considering your matter. Also, it’s important to note that we are not lawyers and nothing in this post should be taken as legal advice. And here is why we can’t support you….
1) “I had to flee NC to my home state of Maryland, so my son and I would be safe from his dad..”
As a custodial parent, you don’t have the right or legal standing to flee anywhere with a child much less out of state based on an allegation made by yourself. If you have concerns that your son is being abused, then you have three options: 1) Contact Law Enforcement 2) Contact DSS 3) Contact an attorney to bring the matter before a court. Would you be happy that your ex-husband fleed the state with your child based SIMPLY on his beliefs? Your under court order, your not entitled to leave the State unless a Judge tells you that you can. It’s called parental alienation and it’s abusive to children.
2) The fact that two separate Judges in two different states found no evidence of abuse raises flags that perhaps you made false allegations of abuse and the courts caught you. Unfortunately, many custodial parents think it’s cool to make false allegations as a tactical tool in family court, but Judges see it daily and it’s not working out well like it used to.
3) The fact that your son has wrecked a car, been to the principals office, and has failing grades is part of being a adolescent and not tied to abuse. It happens.
4) Your statement “I call him MY son, because I and I alone have had to support this child on one salary… mine.. and I have been the one who is there when things go wrong, not dear old dad” is contradictory. How is dear ole dad supposed to be there for him if your taking him to another state? Unfortunately, he is NOT your child, he is you and your ex’s child and your sense of entitlement is infuriating and it’s no wonder you went to jail.
Now, the minute you stop playing the games outlined in this comment, and decide that you want to work with the now custodial father of sharing physical custody of your child for his sake, stop alienating him from his family through interstate means, and calling him a “junkie” on a Internet forum and you still find yourself as non-custodial then we will be happy to advocate on your behalf.
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I’m appalled that Judge Finan recently issued a bias custody decision to a father of a 16 year old child in Goldsboro NC. Little did the Judge know that this father has a history of alcoholism and has failed to support three other children that he has fathered. The Judge also didn’t know that the father publicly boasts about the additional financial benefits(increased military benefit, increased food stamps, and additional custody payment from a working mom) rendered to him by the “good” judge. Those that know the father know that this was the sole intent for him seeking custody. He has never expressed an interest in the welfare of the child. This decision reminds me of slavery because the child was plucked from her mother and forced to live with her father. The dreams of this academically well rounded student has been shattered by this decision. The child was eligible for early graduation-all because of the efforts of her mother.
The non-working father couldn’t even find the time to drive her to school on the first day of school after the custody decision. He pleaded to her mom and his other family members to assist with getting the child to school,
Overall this was a bad decision made by a Judge who did not prudently investigate the case. The father is elated that the did not take the time to investigate the facts. The loser is the child because once again the court has failed a beautiful child. I pray that she can recover from this wrong before it is too late because it is very clear from witnesses that know him that he has no interest in rearing a child.
My only hope is that judges take the time to fully investigate cases and become more interested in the welfare of the child involved. Remember any boy can father a child but it takes a responsible man to rear a child.
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My only response to this comment is this http://www.facebook.com/notes/nc-fathers/the-non-custodial-parent-is-a-/450490735006731
Excoriating the other parent does no good except to hurt the child. Perhaps the Judge weighed this attitude and decided custody for the Father?
The courts are moving towards shared parenting, no parent should have custody, both parents should be in the childs life equally.
It’s that simple.
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Minimally, I think that the opinions of social services and the child should have been acknowledged before a final decision was rendered by Judge Finan. I agree that there are many responsible fathers but in this particular case if the judge only knew how this father continuously boasts about his financial gain then I think that the judge would be ashamed of his decision. To award an academically gifted and beautiful young lady to an alcoholic parent with a very active social life is frightening to say the least. Historically, he fathers children but doesn’t take care of children. His primary desire is a financial gain. I think that protective services should be required to monitor children, especially young girls, in these types of situations. Certainly some measures should be in place to ensure the safety and welfare of the child. Shame on Judge Finan if anything should have to this lovely child.
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Mona,
What role do you think Fathers should take after a Divorce compared to Mothers?
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Just as it take two partners of the opposite sex to produce a child, a child needs the balance in partners of the opposite sex during the child rearing phase. However, I believe, an irresponsible parent can be more damaging than an absent parent as then grow into adulthood and prepare to make important life decisions (ie. should I join a gang to re-gain a sense of family? should I participate in drug activities?, should I steal?). These critical decision-making processes are established during child-rearing years by a responsible parent who is actively involved.
If a child has already established a sense of responsibility by a responsible single parent at the age of 16, why complicate the process by reversing the parental role at this critical stage in her life.
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So you believe in shared parenting, equal access and parentage by both a father and mother, just not in your ex’s situation because of how he is? And while it does happen, fathers do not get custody usually, and it is most unheard of for a Judge to change things after 16 years unless there is a serious problem or the child wishes it.
But again, we don’t advocate that either you or your ex should have custody, we think the ‘custodial” and “non-custodial’ roles should be removed, both parents should support their child directly when they have them, and have access to services as needed instead of just the custodial parent.
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What kind of fathers are these men? What happened with those fathers who were also husbands? Did they set the right example for their boys, especially? How’d they treat the child’s mother – which is definitely going to be the way his daughter gets her idea of self-worth and value from? I just say NC Fathers be honest with yourselves and your constituency. Publish what these men are doing to be a POSITIVE presence in their child’s life. And we, custodial mothers know that any man whose mother is still that vocal and active in his life – after he has a family and kids – is the FIRST problem.
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So typical. Have you seen the latest census? 75% of women start divorces. Your assertion that men and fathers are in the wrong for everything in life is ignorant. Complete stupidity.
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