NC Fathers Rights

The EXTREME divisiveness of the NC Family Courts

Judge

Roughly half of custodial mothers today have male children who will one day be pushed to the margins of their kids lives if they experience a divorce and have children. Where do you think these non-custodial grandmothers (who will also be marginalized as well) will stand then? With Equally Shared Parenting?

David McFadyen

Learn About The New Swing Voters in North Carolina

Why are there so many absent Fathers in NC?

NC Coalition on Domestic Violence and your sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers

NC Fathers frequently gets contact from custodial families complaining about our website, and all too often they tell us that the NC Family Courts are NOT divisive and there is equal treatment of both parents and extended families.

Judge, courts, nc

While this may be an exercise in futility, here are the MANY issues outlining what we believe is EXTREME divisiveness that alienates children from non-custodial fathers, paternal grandmothers, step-mothers, paternal aunts and uncles, and other family members who EQUALLY get hurt in this division.

It is important to point out that it is usually Legislators and Judges in the Democrat Party of NC Who Are Historically Pro Social Services and Women That Have Created The Climate That is Alienating Non-Custodial Fathers, Paternal Grandmothers, Step-Mothers, Paternal Aunts and Uncles, and Other Females in Non-Custodial Families From Their Children.

NC Family Courts

  • Despite NO presumption for who gets custody of a child, mothers continue to get custody 85% of the time according to the Administrative Offices of the NC Courts. Does 85% sound like presumption to you?
  • When custodial parents get into financial difficulty, they have access to extensive federal and state housing, educational, medical, job, and financial services. Additionally, filing for IRS earned income credits. When non-custodial parents get into financial hardship, they go to jail.
  • Despite many Judges and other agencies screaming about absent fathers, the NC Family Courts still give the majority of fathers 4-5 days a MONTH visitation.
  • Despite many Judges and other agencies screaming about absent fathers, the NC Family Courts routinely allow custodial mothers to move children hundreds and even thousands of miles away from non-custodial families.
  • In child support enforcement matters, every time there is an issue, the federal office of child support enforcement provides a FREE lawyer for the custodial parent. Non-custodial parents have to secure private attorneys at $5000-$7000 PER INCIDENT.
  • Providing that a child is under three years of age, a DIVORCED custodial mother can QUIT work and and go on social services assistance. To help replenish these funds, NC child support enforcement petitions for double and even triple the amount of child support guidelines so that custodial mothers can stay at home with children. NC Father contends that this may work with MARRIED parents, it is bizarre for divorced parents.
  • Judges and Legislators in NC routinely say that NO parent is forced to pay money to see their children. Non-Custodial Fathers, Paternal Grandmothers, Step-Mothers, and Paternal Aunts and Uncles ALL over NC understand that it is ROUTINE for custodial parents to keep children from their Fathers UNTIL he is forced to spend $5000 with an Attorney to get minimal visitation in the Courts.
  • Paternal Fraud. We have followed several cases where women named a father after having a child, and the fathers did not question it because they were happy. In these cases, SEVERAL YEARS passed and the fathers filed for custody or to modify for greater visitation and the mothers then said the fathers were not the kids fathers. In all cases, it turned out they were right, and destroyed the non-custodial family and most likely the kids. Judges and Legislators REFUSE to prosecute mothers for this fraud.
  • There should never be a pay wall between kids and parents. Typically after a separation a mother will leave with the children and not allow any contact between Fathers and Children. For people who do not have $7,000+ dollars to hire an attorney, they never see their kids again.

NC Child Support Enforcement

Thought child support enforcement was ONLY about financial assistance to children? WRONG!

  • According to Section 458 of the Social Security Act Title IV Part D which is entitled “INCENTIVE payments to States”, the FEDERAL government gives ALL US States TWO dollars for EVERY ONE dollar collected in child support that can then be used to replenish low income assistance programs at social services. This means that for every non-custodial parent paying $400 dollars a month to child support enforcement, the federal government is giving the State of NC back $800 to use for OTHER PEOPLES low income assistance. Sounds like Revenue huh? More on this HERE. So where does INCENTIVE fit in? Does this have anything to do with low visitation awards from politically motivated Judges so that child support payments can be maximized, and thus federal funding for social services lobbyist who have enormous power over NC Judicial elections?
  • Purposeful Stigmatization and Ostracism by the Federal Government on NC Non-Custodial Families
  • Here is a government contractor building a high tech software program for NC child support enforcement? Any idea how much it cost to research, develop, train, implement, and run quality control on this large of a software program? We suspect easily many millions. Since they are seeking Title IV-D money, this means that non-custodial families child support payments is the primary funding for this. More aggressive child support enforcement measures and less visitation awards anyone?

How Do You Feel Knowing That Democratic Lawmakers and Judges in NC have devised a system that helps Welfare and Low Income Assistance Recipients Have An Easier Time Enjoying And Raising Their Kids While You Are Alienated From Yours And Treated Like a Second Class Visitor Family Who Only Deserves 4 Days Visitation With Their Kids? Angry knowing that your Child Support Efforts Are Making This Happen?

Why are NC non-custodial families paying for low income assistance for OTHER PEOPLE, and putting food on plates of software developers? Does this open the door for major bias and abuse from social services since they NEED us for funding?

Are non-custodial fathers akin to International drug dealers and organized crime bosses? Be sure that there are FEDERAL ENFORCEMENT agencies watching out for these individuals (DEA & FBI). Why are non-custodial men put into a FEDERAL ENFORCEMENT PROGRAM simply for not being ALLOWED to have equal custody? Is this a stigmatization technique?

Why do we see the term “Deadbeat Dad” used so frequently of NC Sheriff’s, Judges, and State Websites? Why are they so quick to use this highly politically correct and derogatory term for fathers, but you WILL NEVER see the “N Word”, “Medicaid Mom”, or “Spick” on ANY elected officials website or State sanctioned website? We figured by age… oh say 12 that most people recognize that using derogatory terms for other groups of people is immature and solves nothing.

Domestic Violence

NC Fathers believes that the NC Family Courts are fueling Domestic Violence. When 85% of women get custody, we believe that every non-custodial family member KNEW before court that they were going to be leaving that day as a non-custodial visitor family and that pets in the custodial mother’s home were going to have greater access to our children then we were. As a result, we believe that men endure bad marriages rather than seeing our children leave our lives. Anyone that has been in a bad marriage knows that it is not pleasant, and there is a lot of frustration, anger, resentment, sadness, and depression that results from choosing between living in a bad marriage and continuing a normal relationship with our children. Unfortunately, this setup always leads to a flash point.

According to the “Violence Against Women Act” (VAWA) – Domestic Violence IS defined as slamming a door, yelling and pointing a finger, or shouting loudly. Commit one of these offenses, and you are immediately removed from your home, jailed, and prevented from returning for up to a year. Additionally, you are prevented from contact with your children.

Now, if a woman slams a door, points and finger and screams, or shouts loudly at a man, call the police or go to a magistrate and see what happens.

Be sure that there are MILLIONS of cases in the US where men lose jobs, custody, and their homes for slamming a door because politically motivated Judges DARE NOT cross Domestic Violence lobbyist who have a MAJOR impact on funding of elections.

Are we sure that hopeful custodial mothers do not use this hot button social issue and make FALSE allegations because crafty lawyers told them that if they could recall a time when “he yelled loudly and slammed a door” we can get sole custody and likely unequal distribution of community property”?

ABC News even did a piece on this, if they get it, how come NC Judges don’t get it?

No divisiveness huh? Any questions?

38 Comments »

  1. Do your recognize that 85% of the children that are taken from the family are placed on drugs almost immediately after they are placed in Foster Care situations. This is abuse and neglect of these children of the worst kind of way. That is why “judge Pone” should be removed from office and all of his cases brought up for review.

    Yes, Cumberland County is the only county in NC, that refuses to intervention of honesty and truth to prevail in Child Custody cases. Yet they allow social services to falsify the ability of parents and other family members to keep the children. Especially the grandparent. They would truly lose their funding that they are putting in their pockets just like the child support funds that are supposed to go directly to the child regardless of the circumstances. This money is being stolen from the children by a make believe law that the custodial parents owes the state for filing the support and maintaining said records. There are so many problems with the “CUMBERLAND COUNTY FAMILY COURT. What can I do to help to get rid of this ring of child abusing kidnappers.

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    Comment by no way | February 18, 2012 | Reply

    • This comment should be placed in bold print and continued indefinitely. Copy of this statement should be sent to every state and federal elected official. And especially judges on the state and federal levels. It is so very true.

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      Comment by A Natural USCitizen | August 4, 2013 | Reply

  2. This exact thing happened to two of my boyfriends children. They were in our care for six months (after removing them from their mother) with no drugs and were thriving. Three weeks after social services removed the children from us (without cause, admitted in court), they began putting them on drugs so the foster parents could better control them. BETTER CONTROL children. That is what the social worker said. How insane is that. These children had no mental diagnosis while in our care (have therapist papers to show that), yet they go into the system and know they have numerous mental problems. I just dont get any of this.

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    Comment by Brandi | April 12, 2012 | Reply

  3. I paid CS forever and a day to my daughters mother. She would not work. When she did, she quit or got fired. She WILL NOT help me with these kids. So I cut her off to force her to step up to the plate. However, I still take care of the children and I always have. I don’t care where they stay. They come back and forth to me and their mom. Everything they have, I bought and continue to do so. And I mean that literally. I am forced to keep all receipts of EVERYTHING I get my girls. Now she goes to DSS and tries to get them to make me pay. Take this month for instance, I go out and buy my daughters over $700 bucks worth of spring clothes and shoes. Now understand, I send everything back to their moms so they have it there too. To beat it all, she is reporting that I pay her 500 a month when I was paying her much more. That even caused her benefits to go up. They do not care about the FRAUD, however. They only care what the mom CLAIMS. They care nothing of the facts. We are currently battling in court. She uses my daughters as leverage for money each month and uses them to receive state benefits, all while living in a 275K thousand dollar home with her boyfriend. Now please tell me what the hell a person is doing on food stamps living in such a nice home? Our system is so screwed up. This is truly despicable.

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    Comment by C | April 19, 2012 | Reply

  4. The Courts are going to end up taking a year before they set up visitation because their schedule doesn’t have time. I’d pay every penny I could scrap together just to see him once… If the assistance is needed because she can’t maintain a roof, food, or better environment because of her mental disabilities; well I payed into the system plenty, let those who need it more then I have it. Better to the inable than the pockets of overpayed politicians.

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    Comment by Justin Shepard | September 12, 2012 | Reply

  5. I am a NC mother that lost her daughter to a father that has the money to buy the best lawyer. I now can only see my daughter supervised once a month and I live 500 miles away. My daughter and I are very close and want to be together but when you get into the courts, you may never get out. I’ve been fighting for 8 years and my daughter is now 14 yrs old. I understand about men getting hurt, but women also lose.

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    Comment by penny | October 5, 2012 | Reply

    • Penny,
      A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that because our name is NC Fathers, that we are only about Fathers rights. We are a non-custodial organization that just happens to be started by a group of fathers. Today, we take the side of ALL non-custodial parents, and their extended family. Your succinct statement about lawyers is right on. The lawyer w/ the biggest bag of politics wins, and there is nothing that can be done about it. Join us on facebook http://www.facebook.com/ncfathers

      Like

      Comment by stompkinsnc | October 5, 2012 | Reply

      • i am also a mother of three children but two different fathers. i had both the fathers take 50bs out at one time & i had to represent myself bc of lack of money & also the judge heard both of their cases with me @ the same time. i also have to see one of my children @ the supervised visitation center only two days a month & the other father honestly files 50bs & drops them and has for yrs. Meanwhile i have no criminal record but yet both fathers have drug charges prior and domestic violence charges yet the judge wont hear anything about them n only about me. the system n the judges are very corrupt is all i can say.

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        Comment by Brandy | August 28, 2014

    • Whos doing something about the corrupt system?…i want in on opening people’s eyes to the fact that money rules and controls the family courts, and the children suffer!

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      Comment by Amy | July 20, 2014 | Reply

    • Good for dad

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      Comment by Karen | June 1, 2016 | Reply

  6. Just came across this sight while researching the Judges on the Ballot for Johnston County. I can tell you that I could write a book about the abuses of the system. Nearly five years ago I went through a really nasty divorce and custody battle with my documented mentally ill ex (borderline personality disorder) and I did finally get 50/50 custody. The Ex-wife kept bringing up fraudulent contempt charges against me and my new wife. Two years ago we had had enough and we told the kids that we were not going to fight in the courts anymore as we were broke both emotionally and financially. They decided to come live with us full time and they have never been happier and my current wife has learned about the bull my ex was doing to the children (no food, power shut off, Taking money that they had earned for her to use , etc..). before this the children were failing in school and truant, now they are excelling A’s and B’s not missing a day of school at all. I Fought DSS regarding her diagnosis and they still did not take it into consideration. Additionally the Ex-wife continued to file bull charges the last one was a 50B and 50C against me and my wife, she eventually dropped them because she could never make it to court. Then she went into hiding and has an ACP (Address Confidentially Program) address. The Children asked her why she is hiding and she told them that she has an unlisted address( Yeah right). The children have made a decision that they do not want any contact with their mother. To cut to the chase the Judges do not consider what the father testifies too and the documentation of the court order Psych exam. Jim Love was our Judge and he will not get my vote that is for dURN sure nor will Faircloth or Bryant. The best Judge I have ever been in front of is Addie Rawls. The system is totally BAIS against MEN.

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    Comment by Tim | October 31, 2012 | Reply

  7. My ex works, she has her own business that she doesn’t claim the income from and was recently arrested for food stamp fraud because she claimed she and I were separated since 2006 and we separated in 2011. She had a contempt of court charge put on me for a 2000 purge payment even though the kids lived with me up to two weeks before our court date, when she started having them every other weekend. She also had one put on me for not providing her medical insurance, although she has medical insurance, when asked by the hearing officer if she has medical insurance she told the hearing officer “no”. I have her active medical insurance in my hand as I type. Now she was cited by the sheriff’s office for leaving my kids in her vehicle while she tanned for 20 minutes, and I picked up my kids one day and was bathing my 5 year old and discovered a hand print bruise on his back. OCS said my ex did not know how it happened so OCS deemed it as a low risk environment. My ex gets free housing assistance food stamps free medical and 1400 a month from me, why would she want to get a job, she has it made.

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    Comment by Kenny | November 23, 2012 | Reply

    • Kenny,
      Yea funny how the contempt things works huh. If you are in contempt, you go to jail, but if a custodial mother is in contempt she gets a pass. If there was a hand print on your child after you had her, oh boy! But no, not mothers. Join us on facebook http://www.facebook.com/ncfathers or jaoin our mailing list. Be sure to invite non-custodial fathers and families from your community so we can build a massive organization of people to stop this obvious bias.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | November 23, 2012 | Reply

  8. I took full custody of my kids a year ago and social services is still charging me child support and not trying to get money from her why won’t they stop my child support, I have custody of them its ridiculous Yadkinville NC is backwoods.

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    Comment by ernest | December 25, 2012 | Reply

    • Ernest,
      We aren’t lawyers, so do not take this as legal advice. Were you given custody by your ex outside court or did a Judge give you custody? Sounds like you need to get CSE to schedule a court date so a Judge can order your payments stopped and order payments on her. If you and your ex did everything outside court there still has to be a order written by a Judge.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | December 25, 2012 | Reply

  9. I think the fathers do not need to go jail, they need to work for the state if they do not have job. The state ends up paying for the children, and for the father being in jail that just does not sound right to me. Susanne Grover

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    Comment by Susanne Grover | February 21, 2013 | Reply

    • Susanne, thanks for commenting on our NC Family Courts post. I agree that Fathers should not be going to jail, but I disagree that they should be given jobs just so they can support their children as alienated parents. Fathers should have exactly equal time with their children and no child support being payed. This frees up Mothers to further their education or work (work more) to get off state assistance. Fathers are not put on this earth to pay child support, we are parents, not vehicles for payments. Now with that said, for Fathers and Mothers who REFUSE to be equal parents, see their kids, be involved, and support them directly through equal parentage, then they need to go to prison if they don’t pay child support.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | February 21, 2013 | Reply

  10. We have Joint Legal Physical Custody and just went through a nasty child support trial here in Wilkes NC and we are getting robbed. THEY ARE EVEN GIVING HER A CREDIT FOR THE NEW CHILD SHE HAS WITH HER NEW HUSBAND. THEY LEFT ME WITH VERY LITTLE TO SUPPORT OUR KIDS THE TWO WEEKS I HAVE THEM EVERY MONTH. ITS PATHETIC HOWBCAN THEY CALL THAT JUSTICE? DEADBEAT DADS GO TO JAIL WHILE DEADBEAT MOMS GET MORE CHILD SUPPORT…THEY MAY CALL IT JUST AND FAIR IN THEIR CORRUPT COURT SYSTEM BUT IN GODS’ EYES IT IS WRONG TO STEAL FROM ONE HOUSEHOLD AND LEAVE IT IN DESPAIR WHILE GIVING TO THE OTHER SO THAT THEY ARE VERY COMFORTABLE. GRRRRRR!

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    Comment by The Liras | March 6, 2013 | Reply

  11. My daughter’s husband left her and moved in with another woman and the woman is expecting in April. They went to court yesterday and he brought his mistress and a lawyer to court with him. She was blindsided because his lawyer requested a paternity test for their two children thereby delaying the start of child support. They have been separated for 8 months but not legally because he refused to sign the papers. He has given them less than one hundred dollars during this timeframe. They were together over 17 years and married for eight. We are so disheartened about this situation. He is truly a piece of work!

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    Comment by Annette Gray | March 21, 2013 | Reply

    • Annette, thanks for commenting on our article about the NC Family Courts. In your article, you seem disheartened that some man would leave your daughter to be with someone else, when in fact women leave their husbands every minute of the day to be with other men and usually take the children with them.

      As for the paternity test, we have a huge problem in NC with women sleeping with multiple men and just pinning the baby on whoever is most likely and best prepared to take care of the child. We have three Men in our organization now who were married to women and she had a child and they raised the child, supported them, and fell in love with said child and found out in adolescence that the children were not theirs.

      I realize you are facing a possible custody battle where you need this possible father to be a piece of work while your daughter being perfect, innocent and sweet in order to win. The problem is that it isn’t always like this. Attempting to single a father out as bad while attempting to make your daughter out to be an angel in order to win a custody matter won’t work here.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | March 21, 2013 | Reply

  12. I’m going through this same mess now my daughter mother was legally married just recently got a divorce but the baby was born I went to Korea for 12mo and she wasn’t working and I help her out with her bills until she got back to work I have over 5,000 worth of statements where I sent her money our baby is only 9mo so in dec I couldn’t help her pay her rent so I ask her to get it from one of the other fathers next thing I know I get a call from DSS it’s more to the story but it’s said that females can go and take you out of CS just because there mad

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    Comment by Jay | April 5, 2013 | Reply

  13. My Daughter was cheated on by her Marine Husband who has the traits of a sociopath and narcissist he even fooled Judge Stevens to thinking he was a loving father and husband, and how he yearned to see his daughter! He cheated and spent all the baby’s money on woman and toys for himself, he made it look like he was the one cheated on in court and that he never saw his daughter this man is evil and a pathological lier He is out to get revenge for daughter leaving him,by winning joint custody hundreds of miles away , taking upon himself to cut child support. It has always been about money with him! This poor child is in daycare 50 hours a week. Then weekends with a stranger! She is not allowed to Skype with her mom more than twice a week per his lawyer! I God please Guide these judges may they use your wisdom to bring justice for our children. Ps. To the Honorable Judge Henry Stevens: All men should be allowed to see and visit their children, but not to the point where the time frame away from Mom at such a young age damages a child and breaks their spirit! Most men would be happy knowing their child is with a loving caring mom and family when they are away!

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    Comment by Faith | July 25, 2013 | Reply

    • Faith, this Father probably won greater than what you wanted because they are tired of people like you calling the other parent sociopaths, narcissist, and abusers on social media and websites all in an effort to win custody rather than finding a happy medium for everyone. In fact, you probably really want him to be a sociopath and narcissist so that you daughter can win a custody battle and then do to him what you accused him of.

      And you right, most Fathers probably would be OK with mom being the primary caregivers, except that most Women as primary caregivers do things like what you just attempted to do.

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      Comment by stompkinsnc | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  14. Im one of the few fathers that did get custody in Illinois. My son was one when mom left “family was boring” her words. Then she decided she would just take them so she did. Five months later she told me where she was and to come get him. I spent five months begging for help. Nothing. When I got him he had burns, bruises, malnourished and broken teeth! I had the court in white plain NY retrieve him which they did not! They gave here a notice to take the child to court. She could have taken him again even with the court order I had.But even with the abuse new york did nothing. I take the child to a doc right away and get the third degree as if I did these things to him. I actually had to prove I was not. I showed the court papers and airplane Tickets to show I only had him a day. Then with the doc happy and him saying the child was abused I called child protective services who did nothing. Home would because the crime happened in NYC but NYC wouldn’t do anything unless I was there. The courts are so lopsided that it isn’t even funny. Oh its your babies mom you don’t want her to go to jail. Its not in the child’s best interest. Ive heard it all and NC is a complete joke as well. The money is nothing more then padding fat politicians.

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    Comment by harold wasson | August 30, 2013 | Reply

  15. I’m a mom of four beautiful and amazing children. I shared as much time as possible with my ex when my boys were growing up because children need to know that BOTH of their parents love them and want them always. I can’t understand any parent, male or female, who punishes a parent by using their innocent babies! My ex couldn’t pay child support so I had it set as low as that state allowed and I moved in with his parents for a while so he could work. My girls, it’s different, I want them to have a relationship with their father, but he is autistic and refuses to get any help. He is very large, linebacker large, and he doesn’t understand that hitting and bullying is not how you get respect. It was how he was treated and he doesn’t know any better. He refuses to call them or return their calls and never sends them even a card for their birthday. It hurts me because I know it hurts my babies not to have their father in their lives. When my sons were 15 years old, I let them go stay with their father while I went to training with the Army. I knew they would be better off living and going to school in their hometown.

    Now I see my husband, struggling and begging for any time with his son. It took us thousands and almost a year, but we were able to force minimal visitation. Unfortunately, the mom is one of those mind games parents and she really hates my husband. The problem here is that he is the one suffering and he is only a little boy 11 years old. When he started staying over for a night or two a month, he was doing great and loving spending time with us and our girls. He accidentally called me mom in front of her once and now, a full year later, he is crying and rocking on his mom’s lap because he is going to miss his mommy. Crying himself to sleep because his mommy cuddles him to sleep and he can’t sleep unless we cuddle him. He now brings his mom’s teddy bear to sleep with, he never had anything before. He texts her constantly, I don’t mean every now and then, I mean constantly! She will send him a text that she loves him and misses him so much while we are at dinner out and suddenly he is crying and won’t eat. He says he is afraid his dad is trying to take him away from his mom and he will never see her again. I can’t leave a name because I don’t want anyone to know who this is, but this poor little boy just makes me cry. He is hurting so very much and she doesn’t care. My husband has begged her to let him go to counseling, the state of NC says no counseling w/o mom’s approval, but she says he doesn’t need it. He is now throwing temper tantrums, can’t go to a movie with us, hits and kicks the girls and slams the doors in the house.

    I don’t know how to help him and I have no rights at all as far as he is concerned. I don’t agree with that law because if you see any adult beating a child you are required by law to stop them and call the police, but someone can play mind games with a child to the extend the are regressing to age 4 or 5 and it’s no ones business? There are a lot of things wrong with this so called system.

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    Comment by Charlotte | November 21, 2013 | Reply

  16. Dare county has to be one of the worse. They make the law up as they go. Amber Davis thinks she is Nancy Grace

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    Comment by Rob | February 1, 2014 | Reply

  17. I have been living this nightmare was married to a narcissistic drunk for 7 years was verbally and emotionally abused when the housing market crashed I lost my bissnes she always blamed me for it was nothing I could do she got a good job in the day due to the fact she is byleanguel I took on the role of the caregiver for our twins cleaned the house did the wash and worked at night but I did not make that much money that did not work for her the abuse and her drinking got worse about a little over a year ago she was drinking and started a fight in front of the twins she pushed and shoved me until I called the police they came I told them nothing physical happens not wanting the twins to see her go to jail she left two weeks later took the twins cleaned out the house and left me with the bills I did not care about the stuff but she took my twins for the past year I have had her accuses me of threats trying to put a restraining order the day of courts I found out she has had a man staying the night with my kids home he came to correct with her we had only been separated for 4 months the order was dismissed I filed for equal time with the twins her attorney countered with year again with verbal and physical abuse in front of my twins I have over 200 insulating text from her and threats from her boyfriend who has stated he would be a better father thanks me he has a higher paying job and a dagree also a text from her stating I never hit her during court her and her attorney went on the attack I did not make her look bad I told the truth she lied through her intire testimony even stating we had a peaceful marriage right average her attorney tried to get me to admit to abusing her my attorney questioned her about it she stated that it was just something her attorney wrote down boyfriend took the stand talked about how well he got along with my twins lied about the threats as my attorney pointed them out with the text i was sure I would get equal time of course neither were charged with pergury three weeks went by I get a call from my wife stating she had the court order she got the kids and I was proven to be unfit I had not got a copy come to find out my attorney did not turn his proposal in on time he winter out of town she has put me through hell with a court order I have never seen and was told was a mistake if I’m 5 minutes late bring my kids home she screens contempt she has sent the police to my house on my weekend with the kids telling them I was violating a court order my kids defending telling them mommy lied when I finally got the so caled aminded order her attorney put so many lies that differed for what was stated in court made me out to be an uneducated unemploiyed loser which was not true the only two people that lied was her the boyfriend and the attorney I had proof that everything I stated was true and they were caught in so many lies brcouse my attorney messed up and the judge did not want to change anything I did not get equal time I am being alainated from my twins by her and her boyfriend who drinks in front of my twins she will send me text pretending that I sent them making is seem like I was stating I would not pay child support giving them to her attorney to give the judge when I never wrote them all thinks to my attorneys mistake and a lazy judge that did not want to do a little more work and my twins and I are suffering due it the thing I can’t understand I was deemed fit and proper to have shared time but yeat I don’t I have fired my attorney filed to modify the order and once again going to prove their lies along with making the court aware of a boyfriend stating he is going to replace me and my wife’s disorder that is hurting my twins hope the judge opens her eyes this time

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    Comment by Shayne Thompson | April 1, 2015 | Reply

  18. Man, and I thought I had it rough. Well, my ex left me 8 days before Christmas in 2007. Didn’t tell me she was leaving, waiting till the day before to inform my son’s school and my daughter’s daycare. I came home the day she left and found her and her parents taking her stuff out of the house. Some notice. She left and moved back home to her parent’s house 240 miles from me to Washington, NC.

    It took me a month to get the money together to hire an attorney. My attorney filed for temporary custody. The judge I had in that hearing was a woman and she was absolutely pissed off at my ex wife for abandoning me, leaving me stuck with the mortgage, an equity line of credit payment and all the other bills. She let me see my kids every weekend. My ex wife was pissed that she was ordered to bring my kids to Raleigh every weekend. That lasted for a year.

    When we went to permanent custody hearing, the male judge, Rod Penry, sided with my ex wife. It didn’t matter to him that she had abandoned me, took my kids and moved them that far. He could care less. She told him that it was to hard on the kids having to come to me every weekend. THAT’S BULL$%&*!!!! It was to hard on her and she let me know about it all the time. She lied to him and he sided with her. He changed my visitation to every other weekend and then in the summer it flipped to her getting them every other weekend. She took me to child support down there in Beaufort County where she lives. They ended up taking 48% of my income and gave it to a school teacher making in excess of $45,000 a year. Really? You call that fair??? Because of the courts siding with her, I lost the house to foreclosure, ended up moving in with my sister where I am still living today because I can’t afford rent for a place of my own. When I stopped paying on the house because the child support was eating my income up, she took me to court and tried to tell the judge I was purposely not paying the mortgage because I was trying to ruin her credit. I had a different judge for that hearing and he told her she should have thought about that before she asked for all the child support. He ordered the house put up for sale and me out of it. He gave a time frame for the house to be sold and if it wasn’t sold in that time frame, the house could go up for foreclosure which it did. I asked her to drop the child support by $200 a month so I could keep the house. Nope, she refused. So, her credit got dinged as well as mine.

    She put me through hell. Took my kids away from me at a young age. She even tried to find me in contempt of court by telling the judge I was saying bad things about her when the court order stated neither parent shall say anything disparaging about the other. I told the judge that I had not said anything disparaging. I told him that my kids ask me questions about the divorce, about how mom left, etc. I told them the truth. I told the judge that if he wants to throw me in jail or fine me for telling my kids the truth then so be it. I will not lie to cover her butt and I won’t lie to my kids for him or anyone else period. I told him that answering a question truthfully is not the same as purposefully insulting and saying bad things about their mom. He agreed with me.

    It’s been 8 years since she left. I get along with her now. I don’t go out of my way to talk to her, but I am cordial with her for the kids sake. I don’t like my limited time getting to see my kids. She acts like she has done nothing wrong. I disagree. She thinks she had the kids best interest in mind by taking them down there and so far away from me. I disagree strongly!!!! I told her, if those kids grow up and have nothing to do with her, don’t you dare point your finger at me. You did that to yourself. Sadly, she has already lost my son. My son despises her. He was old enough to know what was going on the day she left and he has never forgotten it. He has already told her when he turns 18 he is gone and he will have nothing to do with her. My daughter is 5 years younger than him and she is asking lots of questions and forming her own opinion. I hate to see my kids go through this crap, being in the middle. I am just glad that they know that in spite of the miles, their dad loves them very much and they know I am always here for them and I won’t hesitate to drive down there for them. If I had the money, I would have tried to get my son up here a few years ago but I didn’t because of the child support eating up my pay. He is almost 16 now and he doesn’t want to leave there because all his friends are there. I can understand that. It just seems like a lot of their childhood was taken away from me by some sorry judge that doesn’t give a crap and it’s left me heartbroken, torn, and emotionally scarred. But no one cares and life goes on. My family was hurt and still has ill feelings towards her and her family. It’s hard for me to go down there to my kids functions and have to deal with her parents, especially her dad. But, I do it because of my kids. I love them more than I love my life. They are the reason I go to work every day. All you dads out there, never stop loving your kids, you divorced your ex wife, not your kids. Make the most of the time you have and never stop loving them. They won’t forget it when they get older.

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    Comment by Daniel C. | December 25, 2015 | Reply

  19. seeking advice; My son and i are having a hard time seeing his child/my grand child. his daughters mother has just recently gotten married, and they have been dictating his relationship with his daughter, as far us being able to see and spend time with her. he does not legally pay child support, athough our family has been taken care of his daughter her entire life (3yrs.) he has recently signed himself up for child support but the mother does not want to cooperate. a court date was been set but we dont think she is planning on going, because she doesnt want him to have any rights. he isnt on birth certificate because he didnt have his Identification when she was born. son and childs mother went to fill papers out on later date but there was an issue or something… ( ?)since then it has been hard to get childs mother to cooperate.

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    Comment by deirdre brown | December 29, 2015 | Reply

  20. I can relate to what you stand for. The NC family courts are abusive a facilitate destruction of families. However, to place the blame on women is incorrect. The blame resides with a corrupt court that succeeds in inequitable decisions that destroy lives, both men, women and their children. Why though? Why can’t the courts get it right. Poor training of judges? Bribery? I don’t know. Whatever it is it is awful.

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    Comment by Jay | January 16, 2016 | Reply

  21. These posts aren’t recent, but I’ve just come across this site, its really truly crazy what me and my fiancée are going through right now. We have 2 babies( 1&2) together and my 2 teens from my previous relationship. We had just moved to Rutherford County, and moved across the street from a horribly hateful, jealous person. Long story short this neighbor called DSS numerous times on our family, making up lies, and exaggerating the truth. The neighbor also called the sheriffs department numerous times. We were accused of horrible things, and searches of our home were conducted, all showing nothing. However, as we aren’t perfect, we did have our moments of stress and the arguments that go with them. This did result in calls to the sheriffs department, and BC of all the many many reports from the neighbor, although NONE ever included ANY of the children, DSS open a case on us. We refused their involvement after several times of allowing them inside our home and us being quite cooperative. We felt invaded, enough was enough. With that they took us to court and attempted non secure custody of my 4 children. Judge Laura Powell, didn’t look at the documents my fiancée had showing completion of a Domestic Violence course he had completed as a result of the “incident” or listen to 2 words we said in defense to these allegations. She ordered my 2 babies father out of our home, at Christmas time, all 4 children birthdays during the holiday season, and with no where for him to go. I was told if I allowed him in the home that DSS would be granted non secure custody of my children, by Judge Laura Powell. Further she granted DSS the right to do as many and whenever, searches of my home to check for my fiancée. DSS came everyday, all hours including after 9pm, and brought a sheriff and searched EVERYWHERE. Waking the babies and causing chaos in my family. We didn’t get another courtdate to lift this order until February. But by that time my fiancée had stopped by and DSS right behind him, and they removed our children, split them up, and are still causing severe mental anguish to 4 innocent children! HOW IS THIS OKAY????? DSS is NOT for the children, and clearly neither is Judge Powell!!!

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    Comment by Not Stating | February 21, 2016 | Reply

  22. Reading all of this posts is heartbreaking and close to home….. My sons father and I had a great relationship after parting ways when our son was little over a year, until his mother moved here. She spent over $80,000 on an attorney saying I was unfit. I always worked and provided my son with a home and security. We went to mediation twice and came up with an agreement. I signed mine and sent it to the courts right a way while his father did not. In 2013 I had lost my job and then eventually my home having to be separated from my son. In March of 2014 my sons father was in the process of helping me move into a new home and signing the lease. A few days before the signing and move I was served with papers stating due to me deteriorating circumstances and any other thing you can say on paper from a fancy $500 attorney wanting to sign over my son. I absolutely refused and said I was not going to be bullied into signing over my son just for his father to help me. I spoke with her attorney for over an hour and also appeared in court to have a court date set to proceed with a custody trial. When the grandmother began to be billed by the attorney she begged I mean begged me to change what the paper work said and we would all come to a decision together. She did not want to pay the attorney anymore.. My sons father got primary custody with a visitation outlined. The grandmother of course was mentioned all over the c custody paperwork. Moving forward two years later. My sons father works 70 hours a week in the restaurant his mother bought for him and my son has been left in the custody of the grandmother. It has gotten to the point where my visitation is not being exercised. I have been completely alienated from my son and she now just recently filed for emergency custody as an intervenes, which she was denied. And I now have to appear in court in a week for her filing for a motion to intervene. My sons father swears he did not know she was doing this but said because she wants to make medical decisions for him. Meanwhile on referral by his doctor on two separate recent doctors visits to see a therapist. I have had to now cancel the third appointment I have made for him in the past month and half due to them making plans for travel or anything they decide to do without my knowledge. At this point I have said enough and I am filing a contempt order and motion for custody of my son. I have a great job, a beautiful home and I raise my 4 1/2 year old son completely on my own. He is happy well taking care of and thriving. I feel I was bullied into signing the custody agreement in order for my sons father help me get back into a home and on my feet. I am going on my third year of living here and the lease is now in my name. With the father working over 70 hours a week, it seems as though custody has basically been given to the grandmother. I just want my son home where he belongs with his brother. How can I take such amazing care of one child but not be fit for the other. Does the grandmother have any rights. How to I prove to the courts that she is an over obsessed grandmother who has alienated from my son, while the father just ignores all of it and does not even help me to enforce my days and weekends with my son and let’s her run the show. I am at a loss at this point.

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    Comment by Veronica | March 27, 2016 | Reply

  23. I do not feel that these judges side with the custodial parents, more so the mother. I am the custodial father of my 11 year old son legally for about 5 years. His mother and I split up when he was 2 and a half and she barely had anything to do with us the following 2 years and nothing until the courts got involved. I did not make much money at the time and when I applied for Medicaid they said with child support added I could afford insurance and got a Support Enforcement worker to contact me to open a case. Years later when my boy’s mother finally got served support papers she decides she wants custody (so she wouldn’t have to pay). We were in the middle of the hearings and she moved to Washington state. 4 years later, after not having any contact with my son whatsoever, she moves back to North Carolina and files to modify custody and child support. Support courts threw out the warrant for her arrest from 4 years ago for non payment and added $34/month toward arrears. Judge Noecker basically said because she is acting like she wants to be in his life again and because my wife of almost 8 years and I brought my now 11year old son up so well he wouldn’t be drastically hurt if she did just up and leave again. He granted her almost everything she asked for, from contact to holiday visits, Mother’s Day, even the week before and of his birthday next year. Take into consideration the last time my son saw her he was 6. Now he is taller than she, has an opinion and mind of his own and doesn’t know her at all because of her admitted actions of neglect. I came across a comment someone said about this being an issue for all noncustodial parents not just fathers and had to express my experience with judge Noecker and the system in general, siding with the mother, custodial or not.

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    Comment by Nice | May 4, 2016 | Reply

  24. What is a non-TANF fee for a non custodial parent.

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    Comment by Tyler | October 14, 2016 | Reply

  25. Good Morning just thought I would update everyone on my ongoing fight with Family Court here in Asheville NC it has been a year since Judge Dray took my visitation away from my Twins simply because my x wife and Attorney Adam Bull filed more false statements yet again as they had done so many times in the past two years. You would think Judge Dray would follow her oath and reprimand them for fraud on the court we all know that will never happen the oath she took was only words as with most Family Court Judges why should they follow the rules no profit in that! Besides they know they do not half too who will make sure they do not the NC Bar not the Chief Justice they turn a blind eye getting off track back to the up date. Judge Dray acted on the belief I was mentally unstable with no proof and nothing in my background to base this on. did the evaluation she had ordered finding out what I had already known nothing wrong with me. waiting for my review date keep in mind I have not seen my twins and only talked to them once in a year my x wife will not let me have contact with them and now I know why after checking on my twins at their school I found out they had not been there since the first of Aug now I have learned she has left the state and I don’t know where my twins are she moved before our review she knew I would get my visitation back all thinks to a dishonest Judge and Attorney and a Court system geared towered greed willing to destroy kids to keep it this way. Lets see if Judge Dray allows my x wife to break the rules and her custody order yet again since she is now a accessory to kidnapping I will not give up my Twins need me and I them!

    Asheville Father,
    Shayne Thompson

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    Comment by Shayne Thompson | October 19, 2016 | Reply

  26. I am sorry to hear..I believe there needs to be a class action suit for fathers rights…also you need an immediate court order saying your children cannot leave the state…

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    Comment by Karen | October 27, 2016 | Reply

  27. I’m not going to bore everyone with yet ANOTHER Cumberland County District 12 story- you all know the drill…

    Here’s what I can PROVE (physical, conclusive evidence)

    *Refusal by the judge to try permanant custody in both open court, and “Special Session”

    *Refusal by the judge to take the bench during “Special Session”

    *False domestic violence allegation(s).

    *Falsification of property values by THE COURT to her benefit. (All property given to her was grossly under-valued, where as anything I got was overvalued by 300-500%.

    *Refusal by the court to acknowledge over 2 dozen violations of court orders by her & the boyfriend.

    *Refusal by the court to acknowledge felony forgery of my signature on legal documents.

    *Court & DSS interference to conceal abuses of the minor children by her & the boyfriend.

    *DOZENS of false allegations (via written affidavits, which are NOT subjectable to cross examination) by her, and her friends & family against myself and eventually against my new wife. All aggressively pursued by the court, thereby chewing up all of the courts “available time”, continously leaving my case NO OPPORTUNITY to address any counter issues against my ex wife.

    The list keeps going- this is just the tip of the iceberg. BUT- I have all of the documentation & physical evidence to back it up (including Private Investigative reports & surveilance).

    I’m 8 yrs into this now. I’m remaried, and now my wife & I are filing bankruptcy, as the latest court rulings have cost us what little we had left (our vehicles bave been reposessed, and we lost our house 6mo ago.

    Anyone interested in, or already involved a class action or similar please contact me. I think many of us (especially military) may be able to prove collusion/racketeering/or similar by the court, it’s officers, the attorneys (I had 3 who all refused IN COURT to do what they’d previously stated their intent was), and DSS.

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    Comment by 82ndForLife | February 25, 2017 | Reply


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