NC Fathers Rights

NC Democratic Party and Equality

NC Democratic PartyWhen you hear the NC Democratic Party talk about equality, one usually thinks along the lines of equality for Women, African-Americans, Hispanics, the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) community and others. But, you do not usually hear anything from NC Democrats in regards to equality in the NC Family Courts which have been extremely unbalanced for going on a century now. And, every time we attempt to talk with a Senator or Representative who has established themselves as a Democratic, we typically get the silent treatment. We suspect this happens because the narrative in regards to family law has always been defined as a male vs. female issue (or mother vs. father) for which we believe Democrats want to advocate for Women’s Rights to their children. In fact, just about every Women’s Rights or Feminist group operational today identifies with Democrats to maintain a system by which Mothers get custody of their children and Fathers suffer the usual fate of non-custodial parent who gets visitation periodically. This disturbs us and in this article we are clearly going to show where the NC Democratic Party is making a huge mistake because in the defense of a divisive family court system, they are actually hurting many more women than men, and they are hurting a lot of African-Americans and Hispanic Fathers and Women in their families. If you are affiliated with the Democratic Party in NC and are a Mother or Father who was marginalized in the family courts, or a woman in the paternal/maternal family who identifies with the information contained in this article, then we encourage you to join our MAILING LIST and FACEBOOK PAGE to help us encourage Democrats to work with Republicans to bring about comprehensive equality in family court reform.

Posts related to the NC Democratic Party – Representative Susi Hamilton

Senate and House Democrats in NC

In the video below, you can view a significant portion of a speech given by President Bill Clinton at the Democratic National Convention in which he addresses equality for African-Americans, Hispanics, Women, and members of the LGBT community, all who for the most part identify Democrat. Continuing with this article, we are going to explore why many in these groups will come into conflict as it relates to family law and the courts which have for a long time been maintained by the Democratic Party and lobby efforts by supporters of this party. I also want to make it VERY clear that this organization does not have a problem with equality for African-Americans, Hispanics, Women, and members of the Gay and Lesbian community. In fact, we advocate strongly for that. But we do have a problem with the fact that, as it relates to family law, NC Democrats seem quite content with throwing Men and Fathers (along with Women in their families and non-custodial Mothers) under the bus when it comes to talking about equal parentage and access to their children. For us, equality is about equality for everyone, not just groups that vote Democrat.

We also want to make it very clear that we are not accusing Democrats for everything wrong with the family law courts because Republicans have just as much culpability. This article simply exists for NC Democrats and their families to use when talking with their Representatives and Senators, especially if they have been pushed to the outer margins of their children’s life after a divorce or relationship breakdown. In our discussions with Democratic lawmakers, we have talked to a few who actually support equally shared parenting like Senator Daniel Clodfelter and we are sure there are others. In the same vein, we have talked to Democrats in the NC General Assembly who we feel, if they had a choice, Fathers would never see their children.


NC Democrats, Equality, and The Family Courts

Women and EqualityWhile there are people and groups that disagree, most everyone in NC agrees that the family courts very much favors Mothers when it comes to child custody, and sees Fathers as the ones who work to provide for their children. And, it is this reason why many believe Fathers should not have custody (or equal custody) of their children. Of course, while this may have been appropriate many decades ago, there are just as many Mothers who are working full-time jobs in 2013 as Fathers. And while many will say that Mothers should not lose custody of their children because of career advancement, these same groups sure do advocate that for Fathers. This has been the narrative played out when we talk to NC Democratic Representatives and Senators.

Our organization does not believe that Women should be losing custody or their children, we believe that they and the courts should be developing a plan by which both parents can put aside their differences and work together as equal parents along with their extended families to provide healthy amounts of support, love, nurturing guidance, and growth that no State or Federal Government will ever be able to achieve.

NC Democrats and Women

As stated earlier, when we talk to Democrats in NC, we hear many talk about Women’s and Mother’s Rights and we agree. Women and Mothers are very much needed in their kids lives and when non-custodial Mothers find their way to our organization, we advocate very hard for them. But what is missing, is the talk about the importance of Fathers and WOMEN in paternal families like step-mothers, grandmothers, female siblings, and aunts who bring tremendous amounts of support and love to children that they are related to by paternity. Why are these Women consistently thrown under the bus by the NC Democratic Party in the name of equality? Why do these Women only have the opportunity to do this four days a month?

In the game of sexual and gender politics, many people forget that Women birth many Male children who we suspect that they love and want the best possible life for. In the movement for equality for Women, are we sure that we are not putting a barrier in front of Women’s sons when they become Fathers and experience divorce which will likely lead to their marginalization? And where will these now marginalized paternal grandmothers be when they talk about his right to be an equal parent?

Another group of Women the NC Democratic Party is overlooking in their refusal to discuss family court reform, is non-custodial mothers. Of course, we suspect that many in this party will advocate for a system where no mother is ever a non-custodial parent for ANY reason, but the reality is that many are. If inequality is wrong for Fathers under this system, it is also wrong for Mothers who lose custody of their children. Again, we are talking about equality here, not Fathers gaining the upper hand in custody battles. The fix to family law for the Democratic Party in NC is not to create more custodial fathers to even out the clear bias, the fix is to empower BOTH parents and ending the system of the courts that encourages and mandates fighting.

The NC Democratic Party And Fathers

In the convoluted world of politics, many believe that Men usually vote Republican and that Women vote Democrat, but this is just not the case. There are MANY NC Democratic voting Fathers and Mothers, and Women in their extended families, who are experiencing devastation in the family courts almost hourly in North Carolina. With this in mind, we have to wonder why these Women and Men are NOT talking frankly with Democratic lawmakers about equality when Democrats make it one of their biggest talking points?

And what about African-American and Hispanic Fathers and Women in their families? What happens when these families experience inequality in the family courts and fail to recognize that NC Democratic lawmakers have their heads in the sand on this issue?

Democratic Party Officials

NC Democratic Party and the LGBT Community

Gay Marriage is not only a NC debate, it has clearly become one that Americans are going to be asked to either oppose or defend in the very near future. And, NC Democrats have  solidly said that as a party, they support and advocate for the same rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons in marriage that heterosexual citizens enjoy.

And our group is completely neutral on this subject.

However, equality in the family courts is something that, once gay marriage is defined and becomes reality, members of the LGBT community will quickly face. What is going to happen when two women are LEGALLY married, and they either adopt a child, or one of them birth a child from a donor and they decide to divorce? Who gets custody in this case? Will Democrats continue to advocate that the birth mother retain custody, and the Woman who did not birth the child be marginalized like non-custodial families experience in the family courts? Or, will Democrats come out in favor of equally shared parenting because this is a Women’s Rights issue? If the later is the case, how will Men in the Democratic Party react?

What about when legally married Gay Men adopt a child, or find a surrogate to birth the child? In this case, things get even more complex. Will Democrats side with the Woman who birthed the child over the Men who have long supported the party? How will Democratic lawmakers decide which Man gets custody of the child given the historical stance that Men should not have custody of their children? If Democrats come out in favor of Men gaining custody of the children, what happens if the birth mother decides she wants to keep the child? What happens if these Men divorce? How will heterosexual Democrats in NC deal with the party advocating for shared parenting in Gay Marriage but no heterosexual marriages?

Again, this is not an argument against Gay Marriage, we are just pointing out emerging complications where inequality in the family courts that proponents have long advocated for is going to come back and hurt them.

NC Democratic Voters Who Support Equally Shared Parenting Need To Talk With Their Lawmakers and Party Officials

As we have just shown, inequality in the family courts, a position that NC Democrats favor, is affecting hundreds of thousands of Men and Women, and it is about to affect hundreds of thousands more when Gay Marriage is realized in our State. If the party of equality is serious about their stance, then it is time they come out and support equality across the board especially with regards to the family courts and child custody.

We believe family law reform for equally shared parenting is an issue that affects every person on this planet in some form or fashion. It affects people from EVERY single racial and cultural background, socioeconomic status, educational level, gender and identification of gender, and political party affiliation. However, for some reason, the issue of equality in the Family Courts of NC has been an easy one for NC Democrats because they just decided in favor of whichever group supports them or their ideology and this article should lay to rest that unfortunate decision. If you are a Democratic voter, and you love your children but have been pushed to the margins of their life because of the family court process that chooses one parent over the other (or you are a member of the family that got hit by proxy), then it is time you have serious talks with the party you support.

If you identify with this article, then we hope you will extensively share it with friends and family on the popular social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and Linkedin because we do value and enjoy hearing support or dissent on the issues we discussed in this article. Additionally, please consider using the comment system below to leave your most thoughtful comments on this issue. When submitting comments, please tell us what NC county you reside in and what efforts your local party are doing to end the damaging and divisive family courts. As always, we would love to hear from party officials in the NC Democratic Party.

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Learn More About The <a href="">NC Democratic Party</a> and Equality.

May 19, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I live in Wake County NC and have been a lifelong member of the Democratic Party. I am also a Father who has experienced the horror that Judges bring to non-custodial families. Thank you for this article and keep up the great work!


    Comment by Dan (Wake County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  2. I am a paternal grandmother who lives in Craven County NC and have also supported and voted with the Democratic Party. For going on two years now my son has been involved in a divorce where his children are the issue. Upon leaving the marriage after having a fling on Facebook with a past High School lover, my daughter-in-law had the audacity to want to move my son’s kids to Louisiana and made all kinds of accusations that weren’t true. Of course, history repeated itself and she was allowed to leave. So yes, I am a Woman and Democrat who has seen this first hand.


    Comment by Madeline (Craven County Grandmother) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  3. I saw this come across the mailing list last night and wondered what this had to do with family law reform. In reading it this morning, I now see. It is true that the ideologues try to frame this as a Women’s Issue when in fact there are a lot of women who get hurt in this process. Just ask my mother and new wife. By the way, I too am in Wake County NC and vote Democrat.


    Comment by Jim S (Wake County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  4. I live in Mecklenburg County and a member of the Democratic Party. I am thankful that Senator Daniel Clodfelter had the guts to sponsor shared parenting in NC, but as I have read on this site it means nothing because Judges still have discretion. However, it is nice to see someone at least bring it up. I have not seen my two girls in over a year after their mother left our marriage and moved back to Oregon. This issue, obviously, is very important to me.


    Comment by Kevin (Mecklenburg County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

    • Kevin, sorry to hear about your circumstances. What you are experiencing is a very serious problem and one that a lot of fathers experience here in NC. There is not one single bill before the NC General Assembly right now that has as much importance as this single issue. It is devastating, it is cruel, it is about as unfair as it gets and your elected officials laugh when we approach them with it. They do not care.

      Mecklenburg County Democratic Party in NC


      Comment by stompkinsnc | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  5. Paternal grandmother in Onslow County who misses her grandchildren. Lifelong Democrat and Woman. This is very real!


    Comment by Karen (Onslow County Grandmother) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  6. I live in Forsyth County (Rocky Mount) and I am an independent who voted with the Democrats for the last two elections. I know experts say that people do not vote on social issues but I can tell you the first legislator or party that ends this mess will have a new supporter for life! I miss my son!


    Comment by Craig Thompson (Forsyth County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  7. Carteret County NC here and I am on-board with this site! I have not seen my daughter in 2.5 years after a Judge Karen Alexander allowed the mother to move to Texas even though I was seeing her 8 days a month.


    Comment by Jonathan (Carteret County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  8. You do know that the issues you refer to in this article are not only Democrats fault right? How many Republican legislators do you talk to that do not support your mission? It’s because Fathers are dead beats!


    Comment by RK | May 20, 2013 | Reply

    • RK, as we pointed out in the article, we said that Republicans have just as much culpability in this and we are writing an article for them as well. This article was for Democratic voters to start talking within their party. As for your last statement, we decided to let that through as a teaching moment to galvanize our supporters.


      Comment by stompkinsnc | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  9. I attended the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte NC last year so obviously I am a member of the party. Of all the issues that we advocate for, the one area where I am at odds is Father’s Rights and how the courts systematically turn us into bad fathers. I see so much of society calling fathers out in public when they are absent, but then when we go to court to be active, we get court ordered into absence. This has been going on for 80 years and I only see it getting slightly better. I am only allowed to see my Son for two weeks in the summer because my ex-wife moved them across the country after my divorce and I never understood how that could happen. I most certainly will be talking with the Mecklenburg County Democratic Party about this issue.


    Comment by Calvin (Mecklenburg County NC Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  10. I am a Woman, a feminist, and supporter of the Party. I am also a Father’s Rights advocate which may seem odd to many. The original intent of Feminism was about Human Rights and Equality for all, not just Women. I do believe that we are doing nothing more than perpetuating inequality for Fathers which will just undermine us and build a movement that takes us back 100 years. The only true path to equality is when it is for everyone.


    Comment by Meredith | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  11. About two years ago when I was going through my divorce I spoke with Representative Larry Hall of Durham County about my frustrations with the family courts after seeing my son alienated from his children. I should have followed up because I see nothing has changed. I also feel for those that do not have the money to hire an attorney. I know my Son’s Divorce and Custody battled totaled around $27,000 and most of it was for the custody battle.


    Comment by Ann Connely (Durham County Grandmother) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  12. Very Interesting. Your right, we are emerging into new territory here when Gay and Lesbian couples raise and support children which they should be allowed to do via marriage. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Good luck to this group and it is good to see Fathers standing up for their Rights.


    Comment by Ken | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  13. You did not mention this angle in this article, so I will. The Democratic Party is very much about entitlement programs at social services. More and More Welfare types of programs is their goal and this is not necessarily a bad thing. The problem is that non-custodial parents are the ones funding this system and the State of NC has become dependent on this give and take. What the average non-custodial family does not realize is that for EVERY $1 collected in child support, the federal government via Title IV-D of the Social Security Act gives back the State of NC $1 in federal money to replenish State Welfare program. This is a clear incentive to push one parent out of a child’s life so he or she pays greater child support thus triggering greater Title IV-D money.


    Comment by Jeff (New Hanover County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

    • Jeff, all very true. But members on the other side of the aisle also have no money to pay for increasing Welfare utilization either and probably have their heads in the sand on how to fix this and are all too happy to let non-custodial families be the scapegoats.


      Comment by stompkinsnc | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  14. What you also forgot to mention in this article is the fact that the average custody battle in North Carolina is $20,000 per parent and that parents will fight two of these in 18 years. This totals to $80,000 that could do a heck of a lot of good for kids if the courts did not encourage parental fighting to win in the courts. I am sure there are a lot of Democrat lawyers loving this system.


    Comment by Jeff (New Hanover County Father) | May 20, 2013 | Reply

    • Jeff, in addition to lawyers from the other side of the aisle 🙂


      Comment by stompkinsnc | May 20, 2013 | Reply

  15. I live in Forsyth County, a Father, and Democrat who supports the mission of this website. I never really gave much thought to all of this but your article open up a whole new world to think about. I definitely agree that things need to change and change in a hurry. I miss my children.


    Comment by David Grice (Forsyth County Father and Democratic Voter) | May 22, 2013 | Reply

  16. I am begging Democrats in the Senate and House to please consider non-discretionary shared parenting of at least 40% as this will end conflict. Right now there is EVERY reason to fight in court – to win. When there is nothing to win there won’t be any fighting. When seeing your children is dependent on working with the other parent that is what will happen and in the long run this is exactly what children want. I know this first hand, my children tell me when I talk to them from three states away. Please! By the way, I live in Carteret County NC and a member of the Carteret County Democratic Party.


    Comment by Ricky D (Carteret County Father) | May 22, 2013 | Reply

  17. This is a joke, if you expect the Democratic Party to advocate equality for everyone I hope you are not holding your breath. This party is for equality for those that traditionally vote for them. Otherwise, they are completely for inequality and for decades that has been Men and Fathers.


    Comment by Wilson | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  18. I sure hope more Democrats take a look at this issue and realize how many of their supporters are affected by family law issues and would like to see more Women in paternal families or women who have male children to stand up for their sons who are clearly being court ordered out of their kids lives.


    Comment by Sharon in Raleigh | June 1, 2013 | Reply

  19. I am a Woman voter in a paternal family and the issues in this article very much affect my life and my ability to see my granddaughter. Thank you for writing it and I hope more NC Legislators consider shared parenting.


    Comment by Denise | June 1, 2013 | Reply

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