NC Democratic Party and Equality

When you hear the NC Democratic Party talk about equality, one usually thinks along the lines of equality for Women, African-Americans, Hispanics, the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) community and others. But, you do not usually hear anything from NC Democrats in regards to equality in the NC Family Courts which have been extremely unbalanced for going on a century now. And, every time we attempt to talk with a Senator or Representative who has established themselves as a Democratic, we typically get the silent treatment. We suspect this happens because the narrative in regards to family law has always been defined as a male vs. female issue (or mother vs. father) for which we believe Democrats want to advocate for Women’s Rights to their children. In fact, just about every Women’s Rights or Feminist group operational today identifies with Democrats to maintain a system by which Mothers get custody of their children and Fathers suffer the usual fate of non-custodial parent who gets visitation periodically. This disturbs us and in this article we are clearly going to show where the NC Democratic Party is making a huge mistake because in the defense of a divisive family court system, they are actually hurting many more women than men, and they are hurting a lot of African-Americans and Hispanic Fathers and Women in their families. If you are affiliated with the Democratic Party in NC and are a Mother or Father who was marginalized in the family courts, or a woman in the paternal/maternal family who identifies with the information contained in this article, then we encourage you to join our MAILING LIST and FACEBOOK PAGE to help us encourage Democrats to work with Republicans to bring about comprehensive equality in family court reform.

Posts related to the NC Democratic Party – Representative Susi Hamilton

In the video below, you can view a significant portion of a speech given by President Bill Clinton at the Democratic National Convention in which he addresses equality for African-Americans, Hispanics, Women, and members of the LGBT community, all who for the most part identify Democrat. Continuing with this article, we are going to explore why many in these groups will come into conflict as it relates to family law and the courts which have for a long time been maintained by the Democratic Party and lobby efforts by supporters of this party. I also want to make it VERY clear that this organization does not have a problem with equality for African-Americans, Hispanics, Women, and members of the Gay and Lesbian community. In fact, we advocate strongly for that. But we do have a problem with the fact that, as it relates to family law, NC Democrats seem quite content with throwing Men and Fathers (along with Women in their families and non-custodial Mothers) under the bus when it comes to talking about equal parentage and access to their children. For us, equality is about equality for everyone, not just groups that vote Democrat.

We also want to make it very clear that we are not accusing Democrats for everything wrong with the family law courts because Republicans have just as much culpability. This article simply exists for NC Democrats and their families to use when talking with their Representatives and Senators, especially if they have been pushed to the outer margins of their children’s life after a divorce or relationship breakdown. In our discussions with Democratic lawmakers, we have talked to a few who actually support equally shared parenting like Senator Daniel Clodfelter and we are sure there are others. In the same vein, we have talked to Democrats in the NC General Assembly who we feel, if they had a choice, Fathers would never see their children.

NC Democrats, Equality, and The Family Courts

While there are people and groups that disagree, most everyone in NC agrees that the family courts very much favors Mothers when it comes to child custody, and sees Fathers as the ones who work to provide for their children. And, it is this reason why many believe Fathers should not have custody (or equal custody) of their children. Of course, while this may have been appropriate many decades ago, there are just as many Mothers who are working full-time jobs in 2013 as Fathers. And while many will say that Mothers should not lose custody of their children because of career advancement, these same groups sure do advocate that for Fathers. This has been the narrative played out when we talk to NC Democratic Representatives and Senators.

Our organization does not believe that Women should be losing custody or their children, we believe that they and the courts should be developing a plan by which both parents can put aside their differences and work together as equal parents along with their extended families to provide healthy amounts of support, love, nurturing guidance, and growth that no State or Federal Government will ever be able to achieve.

NC Democrats and Women

As stated earlier, when we talk to Democrats in NC, we hear many talk about Women’s and Mother’s Rights and we agree. Women and Mothers are very much needed in their kids lives and when non-custodial Mothers find their way to our organization, we advocate very hard for them. But what is missing, is the talk about the importance of Fathers and WOMEN in paternal families like step-mothers, grandmothers, female siblings, and aunts who bring tremendous amounts of support and love to children that they are related to by paternity. Why are these Women consistently thrown under the bus by the NC Democratic Party in the name of equality? Why do these Women only have the opportunity to do this four days a month?

In the game of sexual and gender politics, many people forget that Women birth many Male children who we suspect that they love and want the best possible life for. In the movement for equality for Women, are we sure that we are not putting a barrier in front of Women’s sons when they become Fathers and experience divorce which will likely lead to their marginalization? And where will these now marginalized paternal grandmothers be when they talk about his right to be an equal parent?

Another group of Women the NC Democratic Party is overlooking in their refusal to discuss family court reform, is non-custodial mothers. Of course, we suspect that many in this party will advocate for a system where no mother is ever a non-custodial parent for ANY reason, but the reality is that many are. If inequality is wrong for Fathers under this system, it is also wrong for Mothers who lose custody of their children. Again, we are talking about equality here, not Fathers gaining the upper hand in custody battles. The fix to family law for the Democratic Party in NC is not to create more custodial fathers to even out the clear bias, the fix is to empower BOTH parents and ending the system of the courts that encourages and mandates fighting.

The NC Democratic Party And Fathers

In the convoluted world of politics, many believe that Men usually vote Republican and that Women vote Democrat, but this is just not the case. There are MANY NC Democratic voting Fathers and Mothers, and Women in their extended families, who are experiencing devastation in the family courts almost hourly in North Carolina. With this in mind, we have to wonder why these Women and Men are NOT talking frankly with Democratic lawmakers about equality when Democrats make it one of their biggest talking points?

And what about African-American and Hispanic Fathers and Women in their families? What happens when these families experience inequality in the family courts and fail to recognize that NC Democratic lawmakers have their heads in the sand on this issue?

NC Democratic Party and the LGBT Community

Gay Marriage is not only a NC debate, it has clearly become one that Americans are going to be asked to either oppose or defend in the very near future. And, NC Democrats have  solidly said that as a party, they support and advocate for the same rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons in marriage that heterosexual citizens enjoy.

And our group is completely neutral on this subject.

However, equality in the family courts is something that, once gay marriage is defined and becomes reality, members of the LGBT community will quickly face. What is going to happen when two women are LEGALLY married, and they either adopt a child, or one of them birth a child from a donor and they decide to divorce? Who gets custody in this case? Will Democrats continue to advocate that the birth mother retain custody, and the Woman who did not birth the child be marginalized like non-custodial families experience in the family courts? Or, will Democrats come out in favor of equally shared parenting because this is a Women’s Rights issue? If the later is the case, how will Men in the Democratic Party react?

What about when legally married Gay Men adopt a child, or find a surrogate to birth the child? In this case, things get even more complex. Will Democrats side with the Woman who birthed the child over the Men who have long supported the party? How will Democratic lawmakers decide which Man gets custody of the child given the historical stance that Men should not have custody of their children? If Democrats come out in favor of Men gaining custody of the children, what happens if the birth mother decides she wants to keep the child? What happens if these Men divorce? How will heterosexual Democrats in NC deal with the party advocating for shared parenting in Gay Marriage but no heterosexual marriages?

Again, this is not an argument against Gay Marriage, we are just pointing out emerging complications where inequality in the family courts that proponents have long advocated for is going to come back and hurt them.

NC Democratic Voters Who Support Equally Shared Parenting Need To Talk With Their Lawmakers and Party Officials

As we have just shown, inequality in the family courts, a position that NC Democrats favor, is affecting hundreds of thousands of Men and Women, and it is about to affect hundreds of thousands more when Gay Marriage is realized in our State. If the party of equality is serious about their stance, then it is time they come out and support equality across the board especially with regards to the family courts and child custody.

We believe family law reform for equally shared parenting is an issue that affects every person on this planet in some form or fashion. It affects people from EVERY single racial and cultural background, socioeconomic status, educational level, gender and identification of gender, and political party affiliation. However, for some reason, the issue of equality in the Family Courts of NC has been an easy one for NC Democrats because they just decided in favor of whichever group supports them or their ideology and this article should lay to rest that unfortunate decision. If you are a Democratic voter, and you love your children but have been pushed to the margins of their life because of the family court process that chooses one parent over the other (or you are a member of the family that got hit by proxy), then it is time you have serious talks with the party you support.

If you identify with this article, then we hope you will extensively share it with friends and family on the popular social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and Linkedin because we do value and enjoy hearing support or dissent on the issues we discussed in this article. Additionally, please consider using the comment system below to leave your most thoughtful comments on this issue. When submitting comments, please tell us what NC county you reside in and what efforts your local party are doing to end the damaging and divisive family courts. As always, we would love to hear from party officials in the NC Democratic Party.

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